Mike didn't want a big fuss for his 38th birthday. The Padres were playing the Marlins and Ginny was making her first home start of her second season. He wanted the team's focus on the game, not some elaborate celebration.
He changed his mind when the team came into the locker room. They all wore full, brown beards as they sang happy birthday to him. The pièce de résistance was Ginny, looking like a bearded lady from an old carnival sideshow, mangling the tune and melody with her off-key warbling.
"That's the most repulsive thing I've ever seen, Baker."
"I worked hard to make it a good likeness, old man."
The team laughed at their banter. Some had cake. Ginny declined. She always ate the same before her starts. Mike opened his gift, a nice pair of gold cufflinks that looked like catcher's mitts.
"Alright, this has been fun, but let's get back to work. What I really want for my birthday is a win."
The party broke up. The greatest hits of 1979 filled the locker room air. Ginny made the playlist of songs from the year of Mike's birth to get everyone pumped for the game. She went in to her dressing area, singing along (badly) to Donna Summer's "Bad Girls", and started to remove the beard.
It wouldn't budge. She tried water to wash the spirit gum off. No dice, the beard stuck to her face. Alarmed, she went back into the main locker room.
Mike called out to her. "Enough is enough, Baker. Take that thing off before the circus comes to recruit you."
She went over to his locker. "It won't come off."
"Are you serious?" He grabbed the beard and yanked. Ginny's head moved with the pull, but the beard remained firmly attached. "What did you use to put this on?"
"Spirit gum. I got it from Perry." She pointed toward Perry Walters, a reserve outfielder whose parents were in show business. He had a full beard, so he didn't do anything special for the party.
"Show me the container." She retrieved the small bottle from her dressing area and showed it to her captain. "This is what you used to stick the beard to your face?" She nodded. "Didn't you read the label? This isn't spirit gum, it's rubber cement."
She took the bottle and read it. "Bulldog Cement will not let go. Holds fast forever. Can only be removed with Bulldog Cement Remover #3."
"Maybe Perry was playing a joke and he has the cement remover in his locker."
The two went to the outfielder's locker. "That beard is too good. I can't tell you two apart."
Mike cut to the chase. "Joke's over. Where's the cement remover?"
Perry looked confused. "Cement remover? What are you talking about?"
"You gave Ginny rubber cement instead of spirit gum."
She held up the bottle so Perry could see the label.
"Oh God. I must have grabbed the wrong bottle from dad's cabinet. I'll call him and tell him to bring the remover over."
Ginny looked at Mike. "No way he'll get here before game time. I can't go out there looking like this."
"We gotta tell Al so he can put someone else in the lineup."
They went to the manager's office and told him what happened. He shook his head, exasperated. "Alright, I'll tell Clark to get ready to start. There's gonna be a lot of disappointed little girls out there, Baker. Buck, go get him."
The bench coach started towards the door, then turned back. "There might be a way for Baker to pitch."
...
The team took the field for the top of the first inning. The announcement came over the PA; "In honor of Mike Lawson's 38th birthday, the Padres will play tonight's game wearing replicas of his iconic beard." Every player had put their fake beards back on so Ginny could start as scheduled without undue attention.
She pitched seven strong innings in a win, and pictures of her bearded face blew up online. A video of her at the post game presser, still wearing the facial hair, got millions of views. The sports media talked about nothing else the next day. Hundreds of women and girls posted selfies wearing Ginny's jersey and a beard. Fans started online petitions; some asking MLB to ban her from wearing the beard again and some asking her to wear it all the time.
...
Mike came in the next morning and spotted Ginny already well into her workout, as usual. She'd cleaned off her face the night before when Perry's father finally arrived with the cement remover. Her now smooth face wore a scowl as she worked.
Mike tried to cheer her up; "I think you looked better with the beard."
"Wish I could say the same for you."
"Geez, Baker, your insult game is off. What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"I've seen that look before. Something's bothering you. Tell."
"I got offered a commercial."
"That's great."
"I'm not doing it."
"Is it those sketchy magnetic perfomance bracelets? They've been trying to get me too."
"No, it's a legitimate company. It's just embarrassing."
"Considering what you've already got online, I can't imagine what's left that would embarrass you."
Ginny didn't say anything. She just continued her work.
"Lighten up, Baker. I never looked at those pictures."
Ginny knew he was lying but didn't see any need to call him out for it. Actually, she appreciated him making the effort to spare her feelings. "This is nothing like that. It's because of the game last night."
"Who offered you a commercial based on the game?"
She sighed before responding; "Dollar Shave Club."
As Mike's laughter reverberated through the stadium, Ginny knew she would never hear the end of it from him and the rest of her teammates.