Written because my friend dared me to write an M-rated Gay fanfic. And I failed, magnificently. I would give it a low-T rating. Let me know what you think. :)
Amaranthine Memories
The Whomping Willow was a tree every Hogwarts student was aware of. The magical tree that could shatter the bones of anyone who dared to approach it. Yet, there was another magical tree on the Hogwarts ground. Many knew it and loved it but few noticed the enchantment that surrounded it.
The beech tree beside the Black Lake that had stood there before Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was built. It was under this tree that Rowena Ravenclaw had first disclosed the floor plans of the school that would eventually provide education to both, the greatest and darkest wizards in the history of magic. Year after year, generation of students sat under that tree, sharing their joys and sorrows with their comrades. Watered by their tears and nourished by their laughter, this old beech tree had been standing on that very place beside that very lake for more than a thousand year, never wilting, never falling, always unyielding.
And it was under this beech tree in the year 1975 that Remus Lupin found his refuge. A young boy, marked with scars and bruises, Remus sat beside the Black Lake, sheltered from the silver of the moonlight by the branches of the beech tree. It was the night just after the full moon. Amidst the serene silence that encompassed the school grounds, a small whimper broke out from Remus' lips.
He had a nasty headache, his body was aching all over and some of his cuts were bleeding, yet it was not the physical agony that made him cry out. It was the betrayal by his closest friend that caused him most pain. Madam Pomphrey had strictly told him to rest for at least two days, yet here he was. The Marauder spirit lived within him too and that made it possible to sneak out from the Hospital Wings right under the Matron's nose despite his injuries.
He found solace here because going back to the dormitory would mean facing Sirius. This past month had been an emotional overload for him. It was last month that Sirius had told his secret to Snape and though he had tried to apologize many a times, Remus did not want to forgive him. He knew Sirius never intentionally tried to harm him, yet his spite had nearly made Moony murder someone.
For four hours he had been sitting under that tree, occasionally adding tears to the lake of silver. He did not like crying, especially because of his condition, yet that night.
He cried because he had almost become a murderer.
He cried because his Sirius had almost made him a murderer.
He cried because for the first time, he knew what he could become.
For four hours he cried, shedding silent tears while sitting beside that lake, under that tree, yet he was not the only one who cried.
"You can sit down, Sirius." Remus' voice was hoarse and cracked, his eyes never leaving the still silver expanse of water.
As silently as he had stood for four hours, Sirius Black slowly sat down beside his friend. Keeping James Potter's invisibility cloak aside, he hesitantly turned towards the werewolf.
"I know it's never going to be enough but I really am sorry Moony," Sirius apologized and in that moment he meant it. He meant it more than he did when he apologized to Snape or Professor Dumbledore or Professor McGonagall.
"What are you sorry for Sirius?" Moony asked quietly, still not looking at his friend.
It was the first time Remus had spoken to him in a month. So, Sirius stopped for a second and answered honestly, for Remus deserved nothing but the truth from him. "I am not sorry for sending Snape in," he answered before continuing. "I am sorry for being an unthinking jerk who did not think for a moment about how his friend would feel. I am sorry for nearly making you murder someone, even as slimy a someone as Snape. I am sorry for almost getting you to the courtroom of the Magical Creature Department. I am…"
Unable to continue Sirius took a shaky breath. He had not really realized how much trouble this would have caused Moony until their Head of House had sat him down in his first detention and made him copy the laws regarding the conduct of a werewolf. Even nearly biting or hurting someone during a full moon was a crime big enough to get the werewolf executed.
He was not sorry for nearly getting Snape killed. He was sorry for nearly getting Remus killed.
"Did Prongs give you that cloak?" Remus asked on a completely unrelated topic.
Sirius smiled a wry smile. "No, I nicked it from him. The only form of conversation I have had with him for the past one month is getting yelled at. He is furious, you are giving me the cold shoulder, Wormtail has been chewing his nails, Minnie has been giving me the stern, disapproving look and Dumbledore has been giving me lessons that are all in cryptic messages that I can't figure out without your philosophy.
I have been feeling like shit for the past one month because I am nothing without you lot. Hogwarts has gone for one month without any mass panic, I can't focus on my studies and…"
"You never focus on your studies," Remus accused him, interrupting his possibly never-ending ramble. Unwillingly a smile had crept on his lips. That was the thing about Sirius; he never could be serious.
"Yeah, about that...the worst thing is I am awake in Binn's classroom. Can you believe that? Sometimes I even listen to what he says! Please Moony, I am sorry for what I did, I really am. Please forgive me. If you do, I'll set you up on a date with the hottest girl in the school!"
Again, Remus had to interrupt him. "Promise not to set me up with any girl and I might forgive you." He laughed but immediately winced. Laughing just after a rough full moon was not a good idea.
Sirius eyes looked concerned but he still smiled and said, "Fine, I will not set you up with any girl. I'll set you up with the hottest boy of the school...oh wait! That would be me!"
Lost in his mirth, the young heir to the House of Black failed to see his friend's downcast eyes. Nor did he hear the soft, "I would like that."
"You sure? I think Prongs can give you a run for your money. So can Diggory." Remus pushed his longing aside just as he had for the past two years.
"Prongs? Amos? Never!" Sirius cried, indignated. "Okay, Prongs maybe but he is busy worshipping the ground Evans walks on so, he doesn't count. But Amos "Idiotic" Diggory?! Nope. That is out of question. I am by far hotter than him."
Remus was inclined to agree with him but the truth was, the young werewolf found his friends rantings as entertaining as it was endearing. After not speaking to one of his closest friends Remus longed to hear his voice, laugh with him, play pranks with him, make him focus on his studies, kiss him-
"NO!"
"Okay",Sirius said in a quick, small squeak. He was a bit taken aback by his friend's loud negation, unaware that Remus was actually reprimanding himself and his wayward fantasies about his friend.
What followed was a moment of awkward silence as mentally Remus scrambled to think up an excuse for his outburst. Finally, he gave up.
"Yes," he said, pulling at the grass at his feet. "Yes, you are."
"Huh!" Sirius was thoroughly confused. What was going on?
For a moment Remus was tempted to confess his feelings for him but the more rational side of him stopped him. Instead, he asked a question he knew would distract his already fickle-minded friend.
"Sirius, why do you have muggle, gay smut novels in your trunk?"
The effect was immediate as Sirius' white skin turned red and he started mumbling. Unfortunately for the young Black, neither he was a quick thinker, nor was his friend as easily distracted. Remus on his part, made the situation even worse with his smirk. Seeing his friend smile was a good thing for Sirius but it was not good enough for him to forget just how awkward a situation he was in.
Had it been James, Sirius would have had no qualms accepting the truth but Remus? He had always found the werewolf tight lipped when it came to discussions about sex and sexuality. Mistaking that for an orthodox mindset, Sirius had steered clear of any such conversation with Remus.
"Okay, tell me the truth and I will forgive you," Remus offered.
Sirius gave him a funny look. "For a month I have been grovelling at your and prongs' feet for forgiveness and this is what it takes to be forgiven?"
All he received was Remus' expectant and smug look. Thinking about how terrible a month it had been without his friends, Sirius decided whether be it endless jokes or be it harangue, it was all worth being forgiven by Remus.
Taking a deep breath, he mentally recalled the long and convincing defence he had written down, with James' help, of course, to be used should they ever have to debate with Remus on the topic of homosexuality. However, when he opened his mouth, Sirius blurted out the straight, blunt truth.
"I am bisexual."
In Sirius' honest opinion Remus' reaction was unlike anything he had ever expected. The young werewolf neither had the cheshire cat grin that James had nor were his eyes popping out of his socket like Peter's did. His face was completely neutral and could go either way.
While Sirius feared the worst but hoped for the best, all Remus did was lean against the tree trunk more comfortably and say, "Everything. From the start."
At least he hasn't started a tirade as expected, Sirius thought and deciding that since he had started, he might as well tell his friend the entire truth. Unfortunately, his embarrassment and nervousness made his thoughts a jumbled mess. It must have been evident on his face because Remus decided the best course of action was to ask question.
"When?" He prompted.
"Fourth year. Fabian and I were in the locker room after Quidditch practice and he suggested that I should 'explore'. Well, it was only kissing at that time. And I wasn't even-"
Five years of companionship had taught Remus to see when his friend started rambling. So, he went on to the next question.
"Spare the details. How far have you gone?"
Remus was blunt and Sirius had decided to be honest so, his answer was also to-the-point. "As far as one can go."
"Who gave you those novels?" was the next question.
"Fabian...and Gideon too. They got it from Marlene, in Ravenclaw. She was dating Gideon then and convinced him for a threesome with-"
"Like I said, I'm not interested in the details." Remus had to interrupt again. "Are you seeing someone right now?"
"Neither. I mean I haven't ever dated a guy and I am not dating a girl currently either. Johanna Smith, from Hufflepuff did invite me in one of Filch's closet but I-"
"Do you like someone? Again, speak only as much as necessary," Remus warned, quite fed up with his friend's prolix answers.
Sirius, for his part, did use only as much words as absolutely necessary to answer this question.
He used none.
Leaning forward, he smashed his lips against Remus' in what was perhaps the worst kiss that Beech tree, in its thousand year old life had ever witnessed. Sirius, bless his soul, did try to glean whatever he could out of that kiss, knowing quite well that Remus, even in his weakened state, was amazingly capable of remapping his face.
As soon as they broke apart, Remus brought his hand up to his face and tried to stem the nosebleed.
"Uh…" Sirius was indeed contrite. "Did I...Is...the nose...broken?"
"Sirius. Orion. Black." Remus' voice was as even as it was dangerous. Sirius paled, expecting at least a retaliatory punch but it never came.
"Is this what the girls in the library keep giggling about?" Remus quirked an eyebrow as his nosebleed stopped. "You breaking their nose while they accidently swallow their smashed teeth?"
Sirius, as indignant at Remus' indictment as he was ashamed at the horrid kiss, tried to defend whatever modesty he had left. "Well, they are usually more receptive to my advances and the fact that they aren't capable of ripping me open and eating me alive once a month is a good confidence booster."
"I believe every girl is capable of ripping you apart once a month if you irk them during that time." Remus was thoroughly enjoying his friend's discomfort, his face neutral on the outside while mentally he danced with Dumbledore's beard in glee. Sirius had kissed him!
Well, Sirius had actually smashed Remus' teeth and nose with his own, but the werewolf was willing to overlook that fact for now.
"Yeah, now that you mention it, I think Marlene did try to rip me apart once when-" Sirius had gone thoughtful when Remus grabbed him by his collar and pulled him towards himself.
"Listen, Black," He glared at his friend, his grip tightening on Sirius' shirt. "You are going to kiss me again and you are going to do it without causing any bodily harm to either me or yourself."
His throat went dry when Sirius saw a hint of yellow in Remus' eyes. So close to the full moon Moony still considerably controlled a lot of Remus' instinct.
Licking his lips, Sirius weighed his options quickly. He could either calm Remus and his lupine instincts down or he could just go with what both of them seemed to want. The choice was obvious to him, so, he pushed Remus back against the tree, quite gently this time, and leaned in.
Once Sirius pressed his lips firmly against Remus' with all their bones and teeth intact, the young animagi was much more confident in his movements. He brought one hand up to cup Remus' face as he slowly parted his lips and licked his partner's with his tongue. Whether it was Remus or Moony who did it, Sirius was not sure but what he did know was that it was a reaction he thoroughly enjoyed as Remus' hand went to his hair and he pulled him tighter against himself. Deciding there was no turning back, Sirius gave up and allowed instinct to rule his every movement.
Remus' brain, on the other hand, was a whirlwind of emotions. He felt all the sparks and butterflies everybody who kissed Sirius talked about while Moony mentally howled in happiness. Still, he was inexperienced and hesitant when it came to the kissing department. Unsure of what to do with his hands, mouth, lips, whatever, he tried to do what he had read in the books Lily had given him in jest. He was pretty sure he had pulled off a considerable chunk of hair when he had pulled Sirius close but if there was no complaints, he might as well experiment a little too.
Momentarily they broke apart before Remus took the matters in his own hands and kissed Sirius again, hard. This kiss had a lot less fineness than the one they had engaged in before but it was feral, ruled by pure instinct. Sirius' moan did nothing but urge him on. For two years he had noticed how lush his friend's lips were and fantasized about them. Now that he had Sirius against him, he had no intention of letting him go anytime soon.
Awkwardly grabbing his friend's shirt, he pulled him even closer, so much so that Sirius was leaning completely over him, one of his Quidditch-trained, muscled hand against the tree trunk.
As they again paused for breath, Remus' hand roamed over Sirius's body, feeling his arms, his toned back and coming down towards his abs. Sirius' one free hand also decided to explore while he resumed their kiss, this time going a step further.
Much bolder in his movement, Sirius hand stroked Remus thigh, going higher and higher towards a rather dangerous territory while his tongue pushed against Remus' lip, seeking his permission.
Remus, his enhanced lupine senses completely encompassed with the smell of Sirius' arousal, parted his lips, granting Sirius what he seeked.
Just as their tongues met, Sirius grabbed Remus' erection.
The effect was immediate.
Remus jerked away, flushed at the unexpected touch while Sirius fell back on the ground, his face scrunched up in disgust.
"What in the name of Merlin's underpants did Poppy give you?!" The young animagus gagged as Remus brought his heartbeat in check. Once calmed, Remus grinned at Sirius face.
"A potion, to heal the claw wounds," Remus answered, his own face unknowingly scrunching up at the memory. It was the single most horrid potion in the multitude of concoctions he had to drink that night. Being the last one he drank, Sirius probably tasted it on his tongue.
While they sat in silence, each trying to process what they had done, an unknown danger loomed upon them.
"So, uh...Am I...forgiven?" Sirius asked hesitantly, probably trying to find a neutral topic.
"Yes." Remus confirmed with a grin on his face. "Yes, you are."
The smile that came on Sirius' face was contagious as he whooped. "I am okay with any detention anyone gives me now!" unaware of the peril until it was already on them.
"Then I believe adding another week to your already four month long detention would be good enough, Mr. Black?" Professor McGonagall questioned as she changed from a Tabby cat into the formidable Transfiguration Professor.
The sound that escaped Sirius' mouth might have been a cross between a singing walrus and a howling hippogriff while Remus just paled.
She turned her attention to the wayward werewolf as he scrambled to get to his feet. Swallowing his injured body's protest, he made no noise as he stood, contrite, in front of his professor.
"Mr. Lupin, I believe Madam Pomphrey expects you to be asleep in the hospital wing?" She looked down at the two teenagers, standing side by side, both looking at their feet. "Once she releases you, you will also be serving detention for a week. I am also taking fifty points each, from Gryffindor for staying out of bed after hours. Now, I expect you both to go exactly where you are supposed to be. Am I clear?"
"Yes, Professor." They chorused as she turned to lead them back to the castle. Sirius turned around and quickly grabbed the invisibility cloak, stuffing it inside his robe. Sharing a grin, the two boys followed their Head of House.
The young Deputy Headmistress sighed, happy at the thought that two friends had put their differences aside while knowing very well that now it was only a matter of days before Hogwarts once again saw a Marauder level prank.
Perhaps some laughter was exactly what the four friends and the school needed.
The beech tree, beside the black lake, saw it all, felt it all, absorbed it all and a new leaf grew on it, to stay on it until this moment was forever lost from the mind of the living world.
Another moment of happiness sealed within, the leaf fell off on May 2nd 1998 as Remus Lupin breathed his last.