Author's Note: This is set to be a pretty intense fic. This is M rated and will deal with adult themes, including non-consensual sexual activities. You have been warned. On a more lighter note, this is my first FMA fic and I just adore this pairing.

Coming Undone

Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye had always exuded a quiet strength that had impressed others. She had kept true to her word and protected Colonel Roy Mustang as promised. Sometimes, however, that wasn't simply by watching his back like some avenging angel or saving him the displeasure of the higher ups by ensuring he completed his paperwork before the deadlines ...

Sometimes, it was by keeping her silence. What he didn't know, couldn't hurt him.

And even after all the pain he had inadvertently put her through, the last thing she wanted to do was cause him pain in return. Somewhere along the line, she had made a foolish decision - which was so unlike her. But then again, foolish decisions were always made when matters of the heart were concerned.

Their bittersweet childhood and tender love had given way to a tumultuous relationship in the blood soaked sands of Ishval, where they had clung to each other as though they were drowning, amidst the chaos and charred corpses. The terror, the nightmares and the feel of her flesh burning as Mustang had released her from her Father's research became fragments of a different life. The guarded yet professional relationship they shared now in the office bore no resemblance to the way they had been with each other all those years ago. The once whispered promises of love and marriage echoed in her dreams instead, feeling foreign in her reality.

Had he ever said those things? Or had her silly fantasies conjured them, teasing them out of his lips during a warm summer's night spent together under the stars? Back when they still had their innocence, back when their reality wasn't marred by war and their hands weren't stained with blood?

It didn't matter now. His attitude towards her was nothing short of professional, as was hers with him. Whatever they once had had all but vanished like a puff of smoke; a dream for a different pair of lovers. That much was certain from the Colonel's behavior. His reputation as the military's Casanova preceded him. Each week he had a different woman hanging off his arm. Each time, Riza's heart broke a little more, reducing her to seek refuge in the cold sheets of her empty bed, face pressed against her damp pillow.

It was painful to watch their pretty faces gaze adoringly at him. It was even more painful to watch him turn on his charm – the charm he had once reserved for her and only her. She had watched his hand smoothly travel up the thigh of another nameless albeit beautiful women, watched him lean close to her, smirking as she blushed at the licentious words he'd whispered into her ear. Riza had watched him behave this way more times that she cared to count. She found herself thinking she would be used to it by now, but no matter how many times she saw him flirt with another woman, the pain felt just as sharp as it had the first time she had witnessed such a thing.

Soon after, Riza had refrained from going out to bars. Or restaurants. Any place she was likely to run into him. Rebecca had tried to coax her on multiple occasions however she knew Riza well enough to know how stubborn she could be and had the sense not to push it. Riza relented to visiting coffee shops with Rebecca in the mornings instead. She knew it was far safer for her own heart and sanity to frequent such innocent establishments at such a time because there was no way that Mustang would be seen in such a place so early. Not if his date the previous night had gone well …

There was no getting away from it, however. Even on the occasions where she had spared herself from seeing him out with yet another woman, she would most certainly hear about it in the office the next day back at work. Havoc and Breda insisted on hearing every little detail and Mustang wasn't above letting them have it.

On these mornings, Riza would sit stiffly in her chair, hand cramped painfully around her pen as she continued filling in her reports, pressing the nib down harder than necessary until the page almost tore from the pressure. Her heart heavy in the pit of her stomach as she listened to the 'gory details' – as Breda always put it. Mustang would pick up on her tension right away and make some flippant comment and she would brush it away as though it was nothing. Havoc would then smile sheepishly and apologize for the 'locker room' talk. It couldn't be easy, he'd say, being the only woman in a team full of men.

It had been a couple of weeks back. Afternoon, still and yet she could already hear talks about gathering at the bar for an after-work drink. The mood was cheery. It was at the end of the month, the majority of the work had been cleared and they had just received their monthly pay. 'Was there a reason not to celebrate?' Breda had asked. Riza had politely declined at first, resulting in each of the men (aside from Mustang, she had noticed sadly) voicing their objections at not having her come out with them. In the end it was Fuery's puppy dog eyes that made her change her mind.

At first, she was glad to have come. They had filed into one of their favourite haunts, crowding around a small table in the corner. Falman had gone to get the first round at the bar for them with Fuery in tow to help carry the drinks, leaving Havoc and Breda sitting on one end of the table, shamelessly discussing the curves of General Kaizer's new secretary.

Riza had found herself on the other end of the table, her chair crammed uncomfortably close to Mustang's due to the lack of space. Her leg had accidentally brushed against his and he'd smirked at her, leaning close to talk to her so that she could hear him over the pulsating beat of the music. He was being attentive and charming, and she'd felt her heart cautiously flutter, before soaring as she basked in the warmth of his dark gaze.

It was only when Falman and Fuery had come back with the drinks that Mustang had addressed the others in the group. A rowdy discussion on the most frivolous topics had followed suit and Riza found herself relaxing, smiling at their antics and softly shaking her head. Sometimes they were like children.

As the night wore on and the drinks flowed, Mustang had moved closer still, casually placing his arm around the back of her chair. Her heart had done little flips as his arm had brushed against hers each time he moved forward to reach his scotch. He'd alternated between talking to the others and whispering conspiratorially to her, his lips so close she could feel them ghosting over the shell of her ear. She could smell the drink on his breath as it warmed her skin each time he spoke to her but she knew he could hold his alcohol. He wasn't even the slightest bit drunk and yet, here he was shamelessly flirting with her, causing the butterflies in her stomach to flutter furiously.

In spite of herself, she'd smiled at his words and had replied playfully, letting her usual stoic mask slip. If not now, then when? They could never do this in the office and they never saw each other outside of work. If she could show him that this side of her did exist, that she was not all about work then maybe he would see her differently. Maybe he would see her the way he'd seen her before. As an individual, as a woman, something more than just another soldier and a bodyguard. Besides, he made her feel just as pretty as the women he dated and just once, she wanted to see what it was liked to feel that way. To feel wanted.

When Mustang left to buy a round at the bar, Riza breathed deeply, relaxing her thighs that had been clenched together. The effect that he had on her had left her floored. No wonder so many women tended to swoon over him. She took a deep sip of her wine, trying to calm herself down and blushed uncharacteristically as Havoc caught her eye with a knowing smile. They'd been in academy together and aside from Mustang, she'd known him the longest. Riza refrained from craning her neck to look for her handsome Colonel at the crowded bar and instead chatted to Falman about his upcoming vacation, hoping Havoc would have the sense to not tease her at that moment.

Mustang was back within ten minutes, handing out the drinks. Riza had immediately noticed that he hadn't bought himself one. She was disappointed when he had excused himself, bidding them a good night. She watched him surreptitiously as he sauntered back to the bar, taking a seat on one of the barstools, next to an incredibly beautiful woman who immediately began fawning over him. She watched as he placed a hand on the small of her back, rubbing her through her dress sensuously as only he could, while handing her a glass of champagne with the other. Riza felt her heart drop, as a wave of bitterness and jealously washed over her.

She took another deep breath, willing her emotions to settle. He wasn't hers and she wasn't his, she tried to reason with herself. It didn't matter what he did. He was free to see whomever he wished. Just because he had flirted with her, just because he had made her feel like the most important person in the room during those precious couple of hours didn't mean anything. She knew he was a terrible flirt and that's all it was. He couldn't help himself. As she was the only female on the table, of course he would have directed his charm and attention over to her. It didn't mean anything. She suddenly felt silly for having responded the way she had. She would have felt better if she had treated him just as she always did. All it had taken was a smirk and his close proximity to reduce her to a mess. How pathetic.

Mustang's companion suddenly released a trilling laugh that rose above the music. Riza gritted her teeth and pushed her chair back. She excused herself to head to the ladies' room. It was only after she had locked herself in the stall that her annoyance was replaced by pain. She had been foolish to think anything would change after the way he'd behaved with her. She wasn't expecting anything to change at work, of course. Fraternization between a subordinate and a commanding office was not only frowned upon, it was downright illegal. However, she had secretly harboured some hope of him walking her home or talking to her privately without the mention of titles and ranks. She wanted to have a conversation where it was just them, with nothing standing in their way. There were so many things she wanted to ask him and tonight could have been the start of that however, it was clear that he wasn't interested in talking about the past or about them as individuals. She would always be Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye in his eyes.

She chided herself mentally for the wetness in the corner of her eyes. Grabbing some tissue, she dabbed carefully at her cheeks, ensuring she didn't wipe away the make-up she had hastily applied before leaving the office. Taking a few more steadying breaths, she stepped out of the cubicle and towards the sink, turning on the water and holding her wrists under the cool stream to calm herself down. After a few moments, she dried her hands and stepped out of the ladies' room, fully intending on calling it a night.

The bar had grown more crowded and suddenly she felt claustrophobic, wanting desperately to get outside and into the cool night air. Keeping her gaze averted from the Colonel and his date, Riza rushed through the bar, making a beeline for the door. She was almost there, when she felt herself knock into someone. She was just about to apologize when she realized exactly whom that someone was. Saluting smartly, she apologized for her mistake. General Kaizer simply smiled down at her, assuring her it was no trouble.

'Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, correct?'

'Yes, sir.' Riza replied. She was surprised to see him, didn't think he was the type to frequent such places. But then looking around, she could see more uniformed officers than civilians. This place was a popular military haunt due to its location. She could see some of the other generals at the far end of the bar.

'Got dragged here,' he laughed, when he noticed her surprise. 'You're one of Mustang's, right?'

She inwardly flinched at that.

'That's correct, sir.' She replied steadily, careful to keep her voice and expression neutral.

'Allow me to introduce myself, Lieutenant. I am General Trent Kaizer.' He leaned forward to take her hand, bringing it to his lips.

'I'm aware, General. Your reputation precedes you.' Something about his kiss didn't sit right with her. It wasn't proper to do so while mentioning her title. It made her feel cold, but she allowed him to hold on to her hand until he released her.

'You're too kind, Riza.'

She felt a little flash of annoyance at how easily he had used her first name but she brushed it aside. She was purposely trying to find faults and it wasn't fair to him.

'I've just about had enough of this place and I can see that you were leaving as well.' General Kaizer smiled again. She couldn't help comparing his smile to the Colonel's. When Roy smiled, she could see it reflected in his eyes. The General's smile sat on his lips, never quite reaching his steel grey gaze. 'As the night is still young, would you care to join me for a late dinner?'

The invitation left her flummoxed for a moment. She certainly hadn't expected that. General Kaizer looked pointedly at the small table she had been sitting at all night. The others were still there, drinking away merrily, Havoc and Breda's voices bordering on obnoxious, the more inebriated they became. The distaste in the General features was evident as he silently contemplated the group. 'I doubt you've eaten anything since lunch, am I correct? You must be starving.'

Riza realized she was actually hungry. Now that her giddiness and disappointed had settled, she'd found herself completely empty. She'd only managed to eat half a sandwich at lunch earlier on in the day as once again, she had spent her break helping the Colonel get his own work done before the deadline. Some food and some company would do her the world of good. Still, she felt strange accepting his invitation. Since Roy, she hadn't really gone out with many men, stubbornly waiting instead, in the vain hope that he would find his way back to her. She realized the futility of that hope now but still, having dinner with another man almost felt like a betrayal.

It was the sudden trilling laugh of the Colonel's lady friend that made Riza snap to attention and graciously accept the General's invitation. She resolved to go to dinner and have a good time. She was not going to spend a moment longer thinking about her hopeless flirt of a Colonel nor was she going to mentally compare General Trent Kaizer to Colonel Roy Mustang over dinner. She deserved a fun evening out after all the nights she'd been alone and even though this invitation to dinner may not progress to a follow up, she would enjoy it for what It was at the moment. A harmless meal with a colleague. Hopefully, the new company would allow her to forget about her own stricken heart for a couple of hours.

'Shall we?' She smiled politely, indicating the entrance of the club.

As General Kaizer led her out, she couldn't help but cast a glance over to the Colonel sitting at the bar. She couldn't decide whether she wanted him to see her leave with General Kaizer or not. On one hand, she didn't want him to see. She wanted to appear available to him so that he would know she was always there if he ever wanted to come back to her. On the other hand, she wanted him to see, wanted him to watch her leave with another man, wanted him to feel some kind of emotion, something akin to what she felt each time she saw him with another woman. But that was incredibly petty and she felt ashamed for it. Regardless of how much his actions hurt her, she couldn't hurt him and so, she was hoping he wouldn't notice her slink out of the bar with the General.

Riza was surprised when her gaze locked on to Mustang's – he had been looking right at her. She could see his date chattering about something but it was clear that he wasn't paying any attention. He was focused solely on her, his dark eyes deliberately falling to the arm that General Kaizer had wrapped around her waist as he guided her to the door. Riza found herself feeling embarrassed under the Colonel's scrutiny. It only lasted for a few moments, before she boldly shrugged it off.

Mustang left bars with different women every week so who was he to judge her leaving just the once with a respectable General? She lifted her chin, almost in defiance, taking a last look at him. Although she couldn't pick out the lingering emotions within his brooding gaze, she could have sworn she saw a hint of vexation before she finally stepped out of the door and into the night.