Chapter One: Gonna Make Her See
It's over. No matter how hard I try I still can't believe that she ended it. Just swooped in and said the words, then walked away. Didn't even care to consider how I would feel, what my side of things would be. I hate that she can't admit that she does love me. I hate that she doesn't understand where she belongs...in the darkness...with me. The darkness is inside of her, all around her, anyone can see it. How come she doesn't? How did I get here? Love's bitch is what I am, bloody fool, damn stupid. I can call myself all the names I want to, doesn't change fact. Well, I got some facts for her. Tonight I'm going to her house...gonna tell her how I feel. Lay it out on the bloody line...make her see...make her feel it...no more games...no more lies. She doesn't love me? We'll see about that. Gonna tell her the truth, gonna make her see that she is the one killing me. She's been killing me since day one, even if she can't bring herself to stake me, like I've begged her to, time and time again. I'm tired of the denial, of this circle we seem to be revolving in. Gonna make her see...
Chapter Two: Gonna Make Her Feel It
I'm standing in the entryway of her house. The house is empty, but she's here. Don't know where the others are...scoobies and Dawn...don't care. I have to tell her how I feel, before it eats me alive. Ascending the stairs I see a light underneath the bathroom door and slowly push it open. She's in there, preparing a bath. At first she doesn't see me and I only watch her for a moment. Seems I'm always on the outside looking in. Her blonde hair is pulled up into a messy ponytail, she wears a pale blue robe. There are lines beneath her eyes, she's tired and it shows. I know what it is that exhausts her. Living. Pain shoots through my chest and sears my heart when she presses a hand to the small of her back. She's been beaten...literally and figuratively, I almost topple over from the pressure of just how much I love her, how much it pains me to hear the words that echo in my ears of her telling me it's over. That it's killing her. That things were simpler when she was with me. There is no simplicity in what we had. Only violence and lust and desire. Love. Yes, love. I enter the bathroom and she gasps when she sees me...all "what the hell are you doing here, Spike" and the anger like fire in her eyes. For a moment we regard one another silently, her emerald eyes narrow at me and I feel something like rage bubble in my chest. I try with words to make her understand what we have, not had. I want her to see...and then we are fighting, and in each other's arms. I want to hold her, but she's struggling, whimpering, pushing away at me and I don't understand why. All I ever wanted was to be closer to her, just closer. I can't seem to stop myself from going further, crossing the line((what line...was there ever a line?)). Then she pushes me off of her, struggles to her feet, clutching her robe to her body with white knuckled fists and backing away.
"Ask me again why I could never love you!" she spats as I stand there in the middle of the bathroom, dumbfounded, confused, angry, so angry. I have never seen so much pain and anguish on one face and I can't seem to stop this tidal wave of fear that is washing over me. What have I done? Now she is gone and I'm still standing here, wishing she'd turn around and come back. Why won't she love me? Why doesn't she need me? Everything in my body screams for this woman and...BLOODY HELL! Suddenly, I know what to do, what I have to do...
Chapter Three: Bitch Is Gonna See A Change
Bitch is gonna see a change...
I stopped briefly at the crypt, still trying to sort out the events of this night. Asking myself these bloody questions with Clem standing there like the soddin fool that he is, struggling to understand. No one understands. No one I can turn to. Only got myself and the motor bike I nicked the night she came back. Can't bear to think her name, can't bear to think of anything except for what I must do. Bitch is gonna see a change... I know where I have to go to get what I need, so I can make her see at last. Make her see she's tearing me up inside, make her understand once and for all. So I got my bottle of Jack, got the clothes on my back, got my agenda. Happy bloody trails...Bitch is gonna see a change...
The End