The Birthday Present
By Soulwindow
Disclaimer: Nope, they ain't mine. And after I'm through Vegeta will
be very glad of that fact.
Vegeta woke slowly, glad that no one knew what day it was. If anyone
knew it was his birthday, he'd undoubtedly have to deal with
presents, parties or whatever it was that Earthlings did to celebrate
such days.
Saiyan birthday rituals were much more civilized. Their gifts didn't
come wrapped, and were generally the size of a planet. A planet ripe
for conquest.
The last prince of the Saiyans sighed. He'd been too many years on
this mudball. Instead of looking forward to death and destruction, he
preferred to sleep late. Truly he had become soft.
Planetary destruction aside, it wasn't a bad morning. A lengthy
shower deprived the rest of the Briefs household of hot water, but no
one knew he'd been responsible. He left just enough so that it ran
out during Bulma's shower, and everyone blamed her.
Breakfast was plentiful and tasty, and Mrs. Briefs was so upset at
the lack of hot water that she forgot to fawn over him, and he was
able to eat in peace for once.
Bulma had fixed the gravity room, so he was able to have an
exhilarating workout. Blowing up mindless robots didn't have the same
flair as an entire alien race, but it was a close second.
Workout done, he decided it would be fun to inflict his good mood on
someone else, so he changed clothes and flew to Kakarott's house.
Knocking around the lower-class baka would be the perfect conclusion
to the day.
Arriving at the Son house, he touched down lightly in the grass,
stifling the urge to blast an entire section of the gently waving
green into a blackened smudge. That would be inhospitable, even for
him.
Kakarott must have sensed his arrival because the other Saiyan came
running out of the house, his usual foolish grin plastered on his
face. "Hey, Vegeta! I'm glad you came over. I've got something for
you!"
Vegeta sighed. Well, might as well get it over with so they could get
down to business. "What is it Kakarott?"
"Hold on. Let me run back inside and get it."
Trust the lower-class fool to not even bring it outside with him the
first time. Vegeta waited outside, tapping his foot in the grass.
A moment later, Goku came running back outside, a
large...something...in his hand. Vegeta frowned. If he didn't know
better, he'd think that the brightly colored thing was a...present!
But that was impossible. No one knew it was his birthday.
Goku handed it to the prince, who looked it over carefully. Whatever
it was felt like a box, but it was wrapped in the most hideous paper.
Balloons, bunnies and beach balls. And the paper was crooked and held
in place tenuously by at least three rolls of tape. "What is it,
exactly?"
Goku grinned expectantly. "It's a birthday present! Do you like it? I
wrapped it myself!"
"I never would have guessed," Vegeta commented dryly. He turned it
slowly in his hands, discovering more than the balloons, bunnies and
beach balls. On the back, in what was obviously a different type of
paper were...babies.
Goku put his hand behind his head. "Umm. Sorry about the paper. I ran
out of birthday paper and had to use what was left over from Bulma's
baby shower."
Ahh! That was why it had looked vaguely familiar.
Goku's expression of embarrassment vanished, replaced by goofy
expectation. "Come on! Open it!"
Vegeta sighed. Did he have to? Suddenly a thought occurred to him.
"But how did you know it was my birthday?"
Goku blushed. "Umm. Well. The last time we sparred, you sort of let
it slip, telepathically." He smiled. "But I figured you let it slip
'cause you really, deep down, wanted someone to know."
Vegeta shook his head. The fool was totally un-Saiyan in almost every
aspect, except for his blastedly strong telepathy. He made a mental
note to guard his thoughts more carefully in the future. If some of
his deepest fantasies ever slipped out, he'd never hear the end of it.
Well, nothing for it. He'd never get to the sparring session if he
didn't open the silly present. He suppressed the urge to open it with
a well-placed ki blast. If he destroyed it, Kakarott would no doubt
insist on getting him another one. He ripped through the layered
tape and paper, revealing a large, plain brown box.
Goku stood by expectantly, an eager look on his face.
"Back off Kakarott! Give me some room!" Honestly. The baka had no
sense of personal space.
"Oops. Sorry 'Geta."
Vegeta winced. How the fool had ever come up with that nickname
escaped him.
Cautiously, he opened the box. Whatever it was seemed to be plastic.
Lots of plastic. Light green and blue plastic. He frowned. What could
it be?
"I think there's instructions inside," Goku said helpfully.
Vegeta began to paw through the mound of thin plastic, searching for
instructions. Something about the design on the plastic seemed oddly
familiar. His hand finally found paper. Success!
He pulled out the single sheet and unfolded it.
A red haze obscured his vision, almost, but not quite, blocking out
the picture and the words at the top of the paper.
The picture looked suspiciously like Zarbon. But the words were much
worse.
Inflate-A-Mate (tm) Delite Your Friends!
"KAKAROTT!"
The enraged bellow flattened a nearby mountain range.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"
Tsunamis pounded a small seaside village a hundred miles away.
Goku smiled, apparently oblivious to the destruction his present was
causing. "Do you like it 'Geta? Two sessions ago, you let slip
this...interesting...fantasy of you and Zarbon. I didn't want to wish
him back, but I thought this might do instead."
Vegeta's shock was the only thing that allowed Goku to finish his
statement. As soon as the foolishly smiling Saiyan stopped speaking,
Vegeta powered up, intent on punishing this unbelievable insult.
"Kakarott! You will pay for this!"
Thus began a chase which was still spoken of centuries later.
End
By Soulwindow
Disclaimer: Nope, they ain't mine. And after I'm through Vegeta will
be very glad of that fact.
Vegeta woke slowly, glad that no one knew what day it was. If anyone
knew it was his birthday, he'd undoubtedly have to deal with
presents, parties or whatever it was that Earthlings did to celebrate
such days.
Saiyan birthday rituals were much more civilized. Their gifts didn't
come wrapped, and were generally the size of a planet. A planet ripe
for conquest.
The last prince of the Saiyans sighed. He'd been too many years on
this mudball. Instead of looking forward to death and destruction, he
preferred to sleep late. Truly he had become soft.
Planetary destruction aside, it wasn't a bad morning. A lengthy
shower deprived the rest of the Briefs household of hot water, but no
one knew he'd been responsible. He left just enough so that it ran
out during Bulma's shower, and everyone blamed her.
Breakfast was plentiful and tasty, and Mrs. Briefs was so upset at
the lack of hot water that she forgot to fawn over him, and he was
able to eat in peace for once.
Bulma had fixed the gravity room, so he was able to have an
exhilarating workout. Blowing up mindless robots didn't have the same
flair as an entire alien race, but it was a close second.
Workout done, he decided it would be fun to inflict his good mood on
someone else, so he changed clothes and flew to Kakarott's house.
Knocking around the lower-class baka would be the perfect conclusion
to the day.
Arriving at the Son house, he touched down lightly in the grass,
stifling the urge to blast an entire section of the gently waving
green into a blackened smudge. That would be inhospitable, even for
him.
Kakarott must have sensed his arrival because the other Saiyan came
running out of the house, his usual foolish grin plastered on his
face. "Hey, Vegeta! I'm glad you came over. I've got something for
you!"
Vegeta sighed. Well, might as well get it over with so they could get
down to business. "What is it Kakarott?"
"Hold on. Let me run back inside and get it."
Trust the lower-class fool to not even bring it outside with him the
first time. Vegeta waited outside, tapping his foot in the grass.
A moment later, Goku came running back outside, a
large...something...in his hand. Vegeta frowned. If he didn't know
better, he'd think that the brightly colored thing was a...present!
But that was impossible. No one knew it was his birthday.
Goku handed it to the prince, who looked it over carefully. Whatever
it was felt like a box, but it was wrapped in the most hideous paper.
Balloons, bunnies and beach balls. And the paper was crooked and held
in place tenuously by at least three rolls of tape. "What is it,
exactly?"
Goku grinned expectantly. "It's a birthday present! Do you like it? I
wrapped it myself!"
"I never would have guessed," Vegeta commented dryly. He turned it
slowly in his hands, discovering more than the balloons, bunnies and
beach balls. On the back, in what was obviously a different type of
paper were...babies.
Goku put his hand behind his head. "Umm. Sorry about the paper. I ran
out of birthday paper and had to use what was left over from Bulma's
baby shower."
Ahh! That was why it had looked vaguely familiar.
Goku's expression of embarrassment vanished, replaced by goofy
expectation. "Come on! Open it!"
Vegeta sighed. Did he have to? Suddenly a thought occurred to him.
"But how did you know it was my birthday?"
Goku blushed. "Umm. Well. The last time we sparred, you sort of let
it slip, telepathically." He smiled. "But I figured you let it slip
'cause you really, deep down, wanted someone to know."
Vegeta shook his head. The fool was totally un-Saiyan in almost every
aspect, except for his blastedly strong telepathy. He made a mental
note to guard his thoughts more carefully in the future. If some of
his deepest fantasies ever slipped out, he'd never hear the end of it.
Well, nothing for it. He'd never get to the sparring session if he
didn't open the silly present. He suppressed the urge to open it with
a well-placed ki blast. If he destroyed it, Kakarott would no doubt
insist on getting him another one. He ripped through the layered
tape and paper, revealing a large, plain brown box.
Goku stood by expectantly, an eager look on his face.
"Back off Kakarott! Give me some room!" Honestly. The baka had no
sense of personal space.
"Oops. Sorry 'Geta."
Vegeta winced. How the fool had ever come up with that nickname
escaped him.
Cautiously, he opened the box. Whatever it was seemed to be plastic.
Lots of plastic. Light green and blue plastic. He frowned. What could
it be?
"I think there's instructions inside," Goku said helpfully.
Vegeta began to paw through the mound of thin plastic, searching for
instructions. Something about the design on the plastic seemed oddly
familiar. His hand finally found paper. Success!
He pulled out the single sheet and unfolded it.
A red haze obscured his vision, almost, but not quite, blocking out
the picture and the words at the top of the paper.
The picture looked suspiciously like Zarbon. But the words were much
worse.
Inflate-A-Mate (tm) Delite Your Friends!
"KAKAROTT!"
The enraged bellow flattened a nearby mountain range.
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"
Tsunamis pounded a small seaside village a hundred miles away.
Goku smiled, apparently oblivious to the destruction his present was
causing. "Do you like it 'Geta? Two sessions ago, you let slip
this...interesting...fantasy of you and Zarbon. I didn't want to wish
him back, but I thought this might do instead."
Vegeta's shock was the only thing that allowed Goku to finish his
statement. As soon as the foolishly smiling Saiyan stopped speaking,
Vegeta powered up, intent on punishing this unbelievable insult.
"Kakarott! You will pay for this!"
Thus began a chase which was still spoken of centuries later.
End