Title: Demons and Chameleons

Author: Duck

Rating: PG-13 for now, subject to change by chapter

Genre: Angst. Sorry guys, I just can't do happy stuff.

Summary: Sydney's inner chameleon takes over, Vaughn battles demons. Can they overcome them? 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the song lyrics that appear. None. This chapter's belongs to Culture Club and Linkin Park.

Authors Note: Ever had a pen posses your hand? It's frightening, but this is the result, after too many caramel frappacinos, depressing music, and a rereading of Graffiti by darkstar (a warning to those who have never read it: make sure you have tissues and anti-depressants nearby)

Chapter One

You come and go, you come and go

Sometimes, in life, we are confronted by the demons of our past. We run, we hide, but in the end, we are always found. I thought I was one of the lucky ones, one of the few that was a chameleon, that could blend into a wall as the demons ran past.

I have never been more mistaken.

My demon doesn't have horns or a tail, just a pair of gorgeous green eyes. They used to haunt me in my sleep, taunting as they caught light.

For the first two months, I would question why he couldn't have came with me, why he wasn't holding me at night. On the last night of the second month, I found my answer in the contours of my ceiling. He was the epitome of everything I wanted and thought I could never have, and it terrified me to think I had finally achieved my ultimate goal.

During the months that I lived without a dream, I waited for the life to become routine, for the habits to begin, for the mornings that I would not jerk awake and wonder who was holding me. They never came.

I never wanted to admit to myself that I liked my old life, the lying, the worry, but I did. I thrived on it. Having someone so close to my soul was destructive, dangerous, and I couldn't handle it.

I did the only thing my mind could think of. I ran. Didn't look back, didn't regret. I refused to regret. Sometimes I wonder if they saw it coming. If they wondered when I would break and how far I would go. If they knew I would end up in Paris, in an apartment in the middle class part of town, own a bookstore, party at night with a group of people that I don't let get close enough to be considered friends.

I didn't want to come here, in fact, Paris was my last chouse. I didn't even realize I had boarded the wrong flight until I landed. My mind had convinced me that I was on a flight to Ontario, but my heart led me to Paris. I guess, in the end, it didn't really matter. I was somewhere else as someone else.

I always figured when I got bored of this person I would fly somewhere else, become someone new. I never thought my past would catch up with me first.

***

there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface

Sometimes, in life, we are confronted by our inner demons, the ones we never give voice to, but are always there, torturing us with self-doubt, mistrust, jealousy. I thought I was stronger than most, one of the few that could push them aside, defeat them, never give these demons voice or power.

I have never been more mistaken.

The strongest demon within me, the one whom dedicates it's life drowning me with mistrust, whom brings forth suspicions of every movement, finally won the fight we've been fighting my whole life.

Our war has been raging forever, but the fiercest battles were fought two months after Sydney Bristow disappeared. However, on the last night of that second month, I was handed proof of her deception, thus causing me to surrender. She wasn't kidnapped, dead, hell…she wasn't even in danger. No, she was off somewhere, with fifty thousand dollars in cash.

I wish I could say losing my father, or finding out his killer was alive and well, or even finding out that I loved his murderer's daughter hurt more than being betrayed by Sydney Bristow. They don't.

I did the only thing I could do; I buried myself further into the confines of the CIA. My behavior aroused suspicion; I was sent to Barnett under the prefix that I wasn't acting accordingly. She told me to take a vacation. If I had been in good humor I would have laughed. When you try not to let the job consume you, they shove it down your throat, and when you do, they send you to a shrink. I managed to put off the order until a week ago, when it became a direct order.

I didn't want to go to Paris, but my mother has a tendency to guilt me into anything. She hadn't lived in the city long, and wanted me to see her new apartment and, I assumed her new boyfriend. I guess it didn't really matter. I wasn't at work, or doing anything related to it, and that's all they cared about.

I figured I would spend two weeks with Maman, say hello to my family, go home and resume the half-life I lived there. I never thought I'd come face to face with another one of my inner demons, one that haunted me at night, letting me look, but never touch, one I dreamt about but never fantasized. Sydney Bristow.