Pride, Prejudice, and the Humbling of Draco Malfoy

*Please read the author's note at the end!

- From the desk of Draco Malfoy -

To be a Malfoy means to be defiant in the face of a challenge, but intelligent enough to...!

I had planned a graceful sort of introduction, as you can...clearly see by my scrawled out marks above, but then Crookshanks came padding into the room and decided it would be most beneficial if he sat his ancient furry arse down right on top of my parchment. There's ginger fur all over the damn paper now; looks like it got in a fight with a Weasley. I have a theory that the cat is evil-I won't go into it now, but just know it involves karma playing a sick sort of joke on me in the form of a demonized half-kneazle. My wife certainly seems to think he's the bloody picture of perfection, though-I, personally, think she could use quite the wake up call. That bushy hair is smothering her and cutting off Oxygen (another theory of mine-contact me privately for details).

While we're on the subject of my wife-I'm sure you've heard of her; know-it-all, loud, hair with its own postcode-I find it fitting to introduce my entire intent and purpose in composing this introductory letter, given that she's the reason behind its inception.

Granger has presented me with a sort of challenge, so to speak. It's well-known that I've often...more or less teased Muggles for their primitive ways of behaving and living, (I mean really, can you blame me? What sort of species thinks reality television is an intelligent idea?) and I know that more often or not my wife grows frustrated with me and protests otherwise. But how am I supposed to know what Muggles are truly like? I've never lived near them; they've never been a part of my everyday life. Running into them or observing them is a bit like going to the zoo, except I don't have to pay money to watch them scratch their arses in public.

But I digress.

As I was saying, I've been gifted with a very specific sort of challenge. One night, when I was musing over a book she was reading and wondering what defined it as "classic" or "extraordinary" among the Muggle community, she dared me to do something. To go somewhere no Malfoy has gone before (I'd like for you to all imagine a very dramatic organist piece right here). In short, she's challenged me to read a list of Muggle literature that may be deemed as "timeless" or "classic" to the non-magical community. Along the way, I'm expected to write a review for each and every book I complete for her (and all of you, I suppose) to view. She seems to believe that I don't have what it takes; that some of the content will shock and astound me into shutting up about teasing their side of life. I think on a level she knows that my jesting comments aren't (always) serious, but I think you'll find that she's very pleased with herself for having come up with this idea in the first place. Needless to say, I've accepted her challenge; no way in hell was I going to deny it and live with her teasing and taunting me relentlessly over it for the next however many years.

And don't you dare say that it's very "Gryffindor" of me; we don't use filthy language like that in my house.

I've just been hit for saying that.

But yes, the fact of the matter is that I've accepted this challenge, and not only will I finish the books Granger assigns for me, but I'll be sure to rub her face in it! I'd say I have a victory dance planned and everything, but victory dances are for Hufflepuffs. I suppose the point of this letter is to inform the community of the dare we have going on-Granger wishes for it to be a public sort of forum, so that if I fail (ha!) the whole world will be sure to know. We've also chosen to make this challenge interactive, so to speak-that means that those who happen to stumble across these documents can partake in our challenge; whether for their entertainment or sincere interest. We've created what your community refers to as blogs-blogs meant to document my process. They're free for people to read and follow, if you wish to keep up with my progress. I've charmed the paper so that when you click on the links below, it will lead you to the appropriate pages.

You can find my blog (the superior one, obviously) here-dracoreads on tumblr-and you can find Granger's here-grangersbooks on tumblr. We encourage you to provide us with feedback and follow the blog and the documentation here; it makes it all the more interesting to hear the input of those who are bearing witness to our challenge (not to mention if you compliment me, you're clearly an intelligent member of your species).

And now, I'm afraid I must turn things over to my wife. Gather up a pillow and a nice and comfortable blanket to fall asleep with-Merlin knows she'll bore you to the point of tears with her tedious (and more than likely memorized) speech on the ethics and legitimateness of this challenge and how it...zzZZzZzzZ.

- Draco Malfoy

From the desk of Hermione Malfoy (nee Granger)
Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures
Founder of S.P.E.W, the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare;
Please contact my office (home or otherwise) if you have any queries regarding either.

First of all, I'd just like to start out by clarifying that there is absolutely nothing that is, to use Draco's ill-chosen word, "evil" about my cat! My Crookshanks is as harmless as a little fly; he would never so much as touch a hair on my husband's ridiculously large and shiny head. He is getting a bit on in age, though, hence why he probably ended up needing to sit down and rest on Draco's sheet of parchment. There was most certainly nothing malicious about the poor dear's motives, and if I catch Draco saying otherwise, I can and will arrange to have Harry and Ginny's anniversary party thrown at our home. See how he likes that!Honestly, maybe if he spent a little less time complaining about Crookshanks, and chose instead to spend a bit of time scratching behind his ears and feeding him his cat treats, I'm sure he would realize that there's absolutely nothing evil about him in the slightest. For Merlin's sake! It's hardly Crookshanks fault that his joints are getting sore in his old age—why else would he have…erm…borrowed a few pairs of Draco's underpants and kept them in his bed, if not to use them to cushion his weary bones? And I'm not even going to begin to comment on his bit about my so-called "bushy" hair—I'll be dealing with that later. Let's just say that my husband grows a little cranky when he can't find his favorite shampoo and conditioner set, and that he won't even think to check in the drawer containing my…um, feminine hygiene products, to look for them. Ha ha ha!

While you've undoubtedly already gathered enough information from Draco's letter to understand the purpose behind our little challenge, allow me to provide you with a little more of an in-depth explanation—sans my husband's tendency to slip in a few highly unneeded snide remarks and perchance for dramatics. I love my husband, but he spends a great deal of time going on and on about how Muggles (whom make up the entirety of my biological family, by the way, a fact that he tends to forget more often than not) aren't nearly as sophisticated or intelligent as their magical counterparts.

He's obviously been misinformed, which…considering his strict Pureblood upbringing, isn't any sort of surprise. But I digress! I'm determined to prove to him that Muggles are more than capable of providing the world with intellectually stimulating and well thought out works of literature, in hopes of showing him that non-Magical folk aren't at all the sort of barbarians he seems to consider them as. After all, what better way to prove their intelligence and sophistication to my husband than to introduce him to classic Muggle literature? There's not a single doubt in my mind that, after reading literary treasures such as Pride and Prejudice and The Great Gatsby, Draco will develop a newfound appreciation for Muggles and the depths of their emotional capacity, as well as their capability to produce a well-written and timeless piece of literature that even he can't help but enjoy. While Draco will never, everadmit to this, he's every bit as stubborn and proud as a Gryffindor—hence why he was unable to back down from the challenge I served him with! He's bound and determined to prove me wrong, but…well, I can say with the utmost confidence that the only one who's going to be proved wrong during this little experiment of mine is him. By the end of the challenge, I'm certain that my husband will have reached a state of enlightenment that he would have otherwise gone without had he not accepted this dare in the first place. He doesn't realize it as of yet, but by the time he's not even halfway through the list of books I've provided him with, he's already going to have found a new appreciation for Muggles that he didn't before—and I can't wait to see the look on his pale and pointy face when he's forced to admit that I'm right. Crookshanks and I might even have to throw a party in celebration!

I do believe my husband has already given links to the corresponding blogs we plan on using to document our little project, but just in case (and because I like to make sure that everything is organized to my standards, of course), here they are once more—mine (grangersbooks) and Draco's (dracoreads). I would like to urge you all to interact with us and even give a bit of feedback if you're so inclined to; someone has to agree with me that my husband can be an utter loon when he wants to! It's either that or I'll have to persuade Ron and Harry to comment on each of Draco's book reviews, and….well, as you can imagine, that more than likely wouldn't go over well at all. But whatever you do, please don't go out of your way to compliment my husband. His ego is already far too big as it is, and there isn't a Cooling Charm in existance strong enough to cancel out all the hot air in his head. Not that I haven't been working on developing one, of course—it's either that or dump him headfirst into a bathtub filled with ice cubes!

There! Contrary to what Draco said, that wasn't boring at all, was it? In fact, I think it was far superior to Draco's first letter, and if he wasn't pretending to be asleep and fake snoring at my side (the nerve of him!), I would be sure to inform him of such. Until then, though…I have some shampoo to hide, and a cat to feed. It's been lovely corresponding with you all, and I can't wait to read Draco's first review!

- Hermione Malfoy

a/N: Hello, everyone! Hope you're all doing well! I know that the format and style of this story is completely different than most anything I write, but perhaps that's what will make this fun! I want to address first and foremost that this is a co-authored fic. My friend Holly has agreed to write it with me. She will be writing the part of Hermione and I will be writing Draco. This was really just a fun, light-hearted sort of idea that I came up with and wanted to build upon! Basically, my aim here was to create a story that would be interactive to any potential readers-I know a lot of times the followers and active readers would like to be more involved with a fanfic, so that was really what I was going for. Now, when I say that this is interactive, it means that not only do we encourage feedback via reviews on here, but as Draco and Hermione both stated in their letters, we've also created blogs specifically for this! You can follow the blogs to keep up with things, send us questions, or to submit suggestions. I'll post links here each time a new chapter is updated, but the bulk of the updates and story will be updated on those accounts.

Again, the links for the blogs are here-

Draco [ dracoreads . tumblr . com].

Hermione [ grangersbooks . tumblr . com].

Let us know what you think! Hope you're all having a great week :).