Thuds crashed all over the mansion. Furniture and walls were reduced to rubble. The cause of it all was a warthog-esque creature wearing a wedding dress. "WHERE IS HE?" It bellowed. "WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?" Looking around, she spotted a figure. It was Luffy, who got lost from his crew. "YOU!" The warthog bellowed, dashing at him. To its surprise, Luffy managed to stop it with a single hand. "Huh? Were you looking for me?" He asked. "I'M LOOKING FOR MY HUSBAND." It replied. Luffy looked at the warthog. "You're a woman?"
The warthog looked at Luffy with the force of a thousand feminists. "SO WHAT IF I AM!" She yelled, knocking Luffy away. "I didn't mean it like that, I was just surprised." He apologized. " I doubt you could even handle a real woman like me." "I could." Luffy walked up to the warthog and picked her up. "See? No problem." He said. "Well, you can carry me, so you're already in my good books. But can you last longer than a minute?" "What do you mean?"
"I mean, can you survive the pleasures of the flesh?" Luffy looked confused. "My body is rubber. It can survive a lot of things." The warthog roared, tearing off Luffy's shorts. "CAN YOU LAST A MINUTE OF SEX YOU IDIOT!" "Oh…" Luffy looked at the warthog. "I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT A REAL WOMAM CAN DO TO YOU. The warthog lifted her dress up, showing a large, gray vagina. "That thing looks sick." Luffy replied. The warthog made an angry face. "It's flowering, and waiting to make some lucky man feel like a king. Now FUCK MEEEEEEEEEEE!" Luffy got up and ran for his sweet virgin life.
MEANWHILE, in a dense part of wherever, Usopp and Robin were engaging in baby making. Robin's face was stoic the entire time. "This feels soooo good!" Usopp cried, having felt Robin's wondrous leg cave on Usopp Jr. "That it does, Mr. Long Nose." She said, emotionless. "I'm gonna come, ready Robin?" "Sure, go ahead." She answered, still stoic. "Usopp BLAST!" Usopp Jr. splattered with great force, force that for a moment made Robin wince a little. "Not bad…He's been holding this in for a while." Robin thought. Usopp passed out. "Ha…ha…I can die a happy man." Robin looked at him and flashed a smile.
At some point, Luffy was looking around. "I think I lost her." In a dark part of the forest, the warthog was atop someone. It was Sanji. "Stop, I don't wanna do this!" He cried. "YOU'RE HARD, YOU WANT THIS MORE THAN I DO." She bellowed. "N-no, I…" the warthog went down on Sanji's dick rough and rugged. "It's cold, it hurts so much." Sanji gritted his teeth. "Feel my warmth, feel my love, feel my passion, feel it ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" The warthog crashed down on Sanji's crotch, shatter every bone in that region. Sanji took one giant gasp and collapsed. "This isn't how I wanted my first time to be…"
Dedicated to Hiro, who hates my work.