A/N: I own nothing. Not Darren or Chris, or even Eminem or Rihanna. But I blame this song for the fucking plot bunnies that are roaming around in my head and have hijacked the Klaine fic I'm currently writing…so…yeah. A little angst and sadness. Trigger warning: There is a fair amount of domestic abuse in this fic…so if it bothers you, just stop now. Sorry.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Chris Colfer stood in his bathroom looking at his face sadly. How was he going to cover that one up? He couldn't. He knew that his publicist was going to have a field day trying to explain this one. He heard the soft groan behind him and turned to look at the bed. He needed to get out of this…situation. He could ignore it, or he could refuse to be the victim. But then he started making up the excuses in his head. When he doesn't drink, he's the sweetest man on the earth. But then when he started in with the vodka, it was like someone else completely took over. And Chris hated that. He wanted the same man that he'd had three years previously back. But he knew that wasn't possible. He was too far into the drink now. He turned back to the door and watched as his boyfriend groaned and popped his eyes open. Chris noticed the dull hazel and he sighed. He needed to get him up, so he could get to work.
But for Chris Colfer, Darren Criss was his drug.
"Darren, get up. You have to be showered, dressed and on set in two hours."
Darren looked up at the blue eyed man that stood above him. Darren could feel the aching behind his eyes. The pounding in his skull. And he caught Chris's eye. That's when he saw it. The huge bruise that was on his face. It looked exactly like his hand. Darren sat up in the bed and looked at Chris. His whole life was in those Cerulean eyes. And he knew that he was fucking it up. He needed to stop. He knew. But he couldn't, and that's what scared him.
"D-did I do that?"
"Yes."
Chris said, going back into the bathroom. He knew that Darren would go back to sleep if he left him alone. He started the water on the shower and came back out, seeing Darren with a toothbrush in his mouth. He could've sworn he saw something that looked like regret in his eyes, but he wasn't too sure.
"I'm sorry, baby."
"You know what, Dare? No. Not today. There's too much going on with us right now for apologies and such. We will discuss this tonight. Okay?"
"Okay."
Darren said, as he went back to brushing his teeth. Chris knew that he had to keep an eye on Darren over the course of the day. True, they were doing two separate projects, but Chris could still keep an eye on Darren. Meanwhile, Darren knew what he'd done. He'd finished up on the set of his new movie, and gone out with a couple of his costars. The next thing he knew, he'd stumbled up the stairs and into the house. And then the argument happened. Chris heard the crack of the glass before he saw it.
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but still fight while I can fight
As long as wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, he resuscitates me
She fucking hates me, and I love it
Wait! Where you going?
"I'm leaving you"
No you ain't. Come back we're running right back
Here we go again
It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped
Who's that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
Chris walked back into the bathroom and saw Darren sitting on the floor of their shower sobbing. It was always the same after one of his drunken nights. And yet Chris continually did the same thing. He walked over to the shower and pulled the door open and knelt down and pulled Darren into his arms. Darren clenched his fists around Chris's now drenched shirt and snuggled into his neck. Chris tried to calm him down, but to no avail.
"Shh…it's okay baby, I'm here."
"Chris, baby…I'm so sorry."
"I know honey, you didn't mean it. I know…now shh. How's your hand."
Chris said, pulling his hand up to examine. There were cuts from where Darren had punched the mirror, but nothing too extreme. He stood Darren up, and proceeded to help him wash himself. He knew he was going to need to change his clothes before he left for set, but he would. Darren's fit of hysterics past slowly, and Chris helped him out of the shower. Darren turned Chris to him and looked at him.
"I love you."
"I know baby. I love you too. Now, go get dressed. The car is waiting outside for you."
Darren nodded as he went into the bedroom and put on the clothes that Chris had laid out for him. He couldn't help but retreat into his head. Darren kissed Chris after he'd gotten dressed and looked at him sadly. Darren had left a mark on him, and he'd never forgive himself for that. He knew he had to make it up to Chris, and he would. He was going to say no tonight. If the guys from the movie asked him to go out to the bar with them tonight, he was going to tell them no. Tonight, he was making things up to Chris, and he'd prove to Chris he could change.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Chris had gone off to his day shortly after Darren had gone to the movie set. True, Glee still had six more episodes to film before they were done for good, but he and Darren were shooting separate today. Darren was almost done on the movie he was filming, and then he'd be able to keep a better eye on him. Ashley, Darren's publicist had called and told Chris that Darren was the consummate professional on set, and that he was eating and drinking water. Chris and Ashley hung up and he went back to work. He'd been texting Darren throughout the day, just to make sure things were going well. And they were. Darren kept telling Chris how much he had loved him, and how sorry he was, and how he was going to make it up to him. Chris had missed how simple things had been with him and Darren since Darren had started filming the indy film he'd gotten in. After awhile, Chris had to go back to set, and left his cell phone in his trailer. A little while later, he'd come back and checked his messages. He had four from Darren.
"Hey babe, I miss you! Can't wait to see you tonight. You're probably on set. I love you."
"Hey you, listen…since I'm almost wrapped here, I'm going to go out with the boys tonight. I should be home around nine, and we can celebrate more then. I love you."
"Babe, are you on set?"
"Hi honey! I'm just saying that I'm going out with the boys again tonight. I know I told you that, but I don't know how late I'll be. I love you. Don't wait up."
Chris couldn't believe this. He was looking forward to having Darren at home with him for the night, and not having to worry about him not drinking again. He wanted to throw something at the wall, namely his phone. But he couldn't do that. He knew that he needed to handle this situation with kid gloves, or risk losing Darren. But what he didn't realize was that he'd risk losing Darren to the alcohol. He'd told Ashley about what had happened, and she had offered him a place to stay if he'd wanted it. She'd also threatened to kick his ass for Chris, but Chris loved him too much to ever inflict physical pain on him. But he was going to take Ashley up on her offer. But first, he was going to send a text to Darren and he did, throwing his phone onto his desk and crying. He never thought he'd see the day when he'd end up leaving the only love he'd ever known, but that time had come…Darren had chosen the alcohol over him.
"Go out with your friends tonight, Dare. But don't fucking expect me to be at home when you come back."
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you're with'em
You meet and neither one of you know what hit'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, those chills you used to get'em
Now you're getting fucking sick of lookin' at'em
You swore you'd never hit'em; never do nothing to hurt'em
Now you're in each other's faces spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, hit'em
Throw'em down, pinch'em
So lost in the moments when you're in them
It's the rage that took over it controls you both
So they say it's best to go your separate ways
Guess if they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like a broken record playing over but you promised her
Next time you'll show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
I guess that's why they call it window "pain"
Darren arrived at the house sometime later to see the door wide open. He'd told Chris that he was going out with the boys, and he knew that Chris was pissed at him because he'd get over it. He knew that Chris would be at the house like he always was when he came home. Darren stumbled into the house and saw Chris standing there with a box and a suitcase in his hand. He turned to look at him and his eyes widened.
"Darren."
"Whereyougoin'?"
Darren said, making it sound all like one word. He'd forgotten that he'd still had the bottle of scotch in his hand, and he took another sip. Chris looked at him sadly, and then walked over to him, and pealed the bottle out of his hands.
"I'm going to stay with Ashley for a few days, to clear my head."
"No, you're not leaving me."
Darren said, pulling Chris into a tight embrace. Chris tried struggling out of it, but Darren kept squeezing him tighter. So he didn't. He found himself dropping his head on Darren's shoulder. He sniffed his neck softly and then kissed it. Chris shook his head and pulled himself out of Darren's embrace. He needed to get out of there. He couldn't keep playing this game. He needed to give himself some space and he needed Darren to know that. Darren looked at Chris and he knew.
"I've got to leave, Darren."
"You've got to? No. You've got to stay right here with me."
"No. I need to get out of here before you hurt me even more."
By this time, Darren was pissed. He looked across the foyer to see all of Chris's bags sitting right there by the door. He turned and grabbed Chris by his arm. He pinned him up against the wall and squeezed his arm, hard.
"You're leaving? You think that leaving me is going to prevent me from hurting you? Jesus Christopher, when are you going to realize that I. FUCKING. LOVE. YOU. Huh?"
"You love me? You love me? Then how come every other day I wake up and there are bruises on me? That's not love, Darren! You've come to love scotch more than me!"
And that's when it came. The slap to the other side of his face. It was just as hard as the one from last night, as well. Chris knew that crying wouldn't help. He also knew that fighting back would do nothing, either. He put his hand to his cheek and gasped loudly. He knew that Darren would come around, he always did. But when Chris looked into his eyes, he saw something different.
"NO! I love YOU! I have a very stressful job-"
"Stressful job? Stressful job? Darren, you're in an independent film for Christ's sake! The least you could do is be considerate of me!"
"Considerate of you? Considerate of you, Christopher? I invite you out with us, you never choose to come! You never go out with me anymore! You're always here reading scripts, or editing that stupid little book you're writing!"
Chris gasped. It was all coming out now. Chris had a ton of insecurities about the sequel to 'The Land Of Stories'. Insecurities that his boyfriend knew well. And that hadn't stopped Darren from using them against him.
"Stupid little book? The first 'stupid little book' bought us this fucking house, Dare! That stupid little book, opened up doors for me! And yeah, Glee helped with that, but this 'stupid little book' as you call it, made us be able to live more comfortably! Look, get the fuck out of my way. Ashley will be here in a few minutes."
Darren couldn't believe that Chris had gotten mouthy. He looked at Chris and backhanded him across the mouth. Chris felt the sting, and could taste the blood before he put his hand there to see the blood.
"Your attitude Christopher, needs to stop. And I told you that you weren't going anywhere."
"Fuck you, Darren."
"Gladly, Christopher."
Darren said, removing his shirt. He had Chris still pinned up against the wall, and he started kissing and biting Chris's neck. Chris tried shoving Darren off of him, to no avail. But then suddenly, Darren's body was being pushed off of him. Ashley Fink and Cory Monteith were standing there, ready to pounce if they had to.
"What the fuck?"
"I do believe he was trying to fight you off. Cory, take care of this. Come on Christopher, I'm taking you home."
Chris nodded and grabbed his bags and walked out. Darren started to follow them, but Cory grabbed him by his arms and looked at him. Chris had asked Cory to come help him with Darren, because Cory had been in that position.
"No. Absolutely not, Darren. He needs a few days from you, and you need help."
"Fuck that shit, Cory. I am not an alcoholic! I do not need help! Especially not from you!"
Darren said, picking up the half empty bottle of scotch and finishing it off. Cory mumbled something about if he'd ever wanted to sober up, he knew where to go. And Cory walked out the front door. That's when the reality of the situation hit him once more. He was alone. Chris had walked out on him. He'd come back, he always did.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
"Hey beautiful, it's me. Please, call me back so we can talk. I miss you."
Chris heard the message but he couldn't bring himself to do it. The bruises on his face were fading, and the cut on his lip was healed, but the emotional scars were still there. The fact of the matter was, was that Darren was an alcoholic, and he wouldn't recognize that. Chris hadn't spoken to him since he'd left, and he was okay with that. Although, with Darren scheduled to come back to work on Glee the next day, he supposed that he should call him and speak to him. So against his better judgment, he called Darren.
"'lo?"
"Darren?"
"Chris! Baby, I'm so sorry."
"I know, but when is enough, enough?"
"You're absolutely right, love! I didn't mean any of it! You know that! I wouldn't deliberately hurt you!"
Chris wanted so badly to believe what Darren was telling him. He did. But the bruises on his body, and the cut on his lip were proof of the fact that he didn't. He wanted to drive back to the house right now and pull Darren into his arms and hold him, but he couldn't do that.
"I'm sure you wouldn't. But the fact of the matter is, Darren…we need to talk. Can you get ready and meet me in an hour?"
"Where?"
"At the house. I'll be there to get the rest of my stuff."
"I'll see you in an hour then."
Darren said, hanging up. He was going to get Chris back. And he was going to be sober to do it. He climbed out of bed and headed over to the bathroom. He noticed the mirror where he'd broken it the morning previously and knew that everyone was right. The shine was gone from his eyes. The happiness was extinguished. He needed to get Chris back first, he'd work on his sobriety later. He showered and got dressed and headed downstairs to make a pot of coffee, knowing that Chris would be here any second. He sat there and waited for him to come, hoping for the best.
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is that I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll lay my fist at the drywall
Next time. There won't be no next time
I apologize even though it's lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
I'm just gonna
"I'm so sorry baby. So incredibly fucking sorry! I'll do anything. Please, just come home."
Darren said as he begged Chris to come back to him. Darren knew he had to try. He knew that there was too much between them to fix it right away, but he'd decided that he'd try. For Chris. He needed Chris, and he knew how Chris needed him. But he could tell that over the course of the week, things had changed.
"I can't, Darren. I-I can't. Not after everything you've done to me."
"Chris, I'm sick baby. You know that! You know how sick I am."
"No. You're not sick Darren. You're a pathetic excuse for a man. I love you, Darren. So much. That it's ripping my fucking heart out right now to do this. I can't come home to you! And you're not staying here either."
Darren looked at Chris and was confused. What Darren didn't know was that there was a roomful of people-Darren's family included-who were ready to take him to a rehab facility. Chris had rounded up their co-stars, some of Darren's Team StarKid friends and his family to get him to do it.
"What do you mean I'm not staying here, Chris?"
Chris took Darren's hand and led him into the living room where everyone waited for him. Darren took in the look on everyone's faces and he knew. He was a broken man, and he wasn't the same guy. He broke down and collapsed into a fit of tears. Chris and Chuck stepped forward and wrapped him in their arms and sat with him while he sobbed.
"Dare, Chris called us because he loves you enough to do this. Mom and Dad are here. Lauren, Brian Holden, Joey, most of the cast of Glee. Mia, and Theo. We're all here for you. We know how much you love Chris, but this has got to stop."
"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry baby. I'm sorry."
Was all Darren could say. Chris knew they were getting to him. Chris knew he was breaking down Darren's walls. Darren looked up at him and Chuck and sighed. If this was the way to not lose Chris, he'd do it.
"I know you're sorry baby. But this rehab will do you good, okay? You go for ninety days, clean up. And I'll be there with you every step of the way. I won't let you go through this alone. We won't let you go through this alone, Darren. I love you way too much to see you suffer."
Chris said, placing soft kisses on Darren's temple. Darren nodded and whispered to Chris. Chris nodded and they stood up. Darren walked around the entire living room hugging everyone and apologizing. Chris already had Darren's bags packed and in Chuck's car.
"I'll call you when I get there."
Darren said to Chris, knowing this was to save their relationship. Darren knew that if he and Chris were meant to be, then they would be. He kissed Chris lovingly before walking out the door with Chuck, onto whatever rehab facility Chris had placed him in.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
That's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
And Chris knew. He felt it in the pit of his stomach, that whatever happened. Darren would be changed…
A/N2: So difficult! But there will be a more lighter sequel! Promise!
