Hello, how are you feeling today? I might as well ask you now, especially if you're English, Irish, Wiccan, Satanic, a Democrat, or even Christian or Catholic yourself, because you're going to need some politeness to get you through the following fanfiction. I swear, I must be a masochist. The last fic was bad enough, and now I'm taking up another one. Right before my birthday, too. I did not write this myself, all credit goes to Thomas Finnegan William Brown.
Hi, I am Michael, Nice to meet you, Michael. Now drop dead. and I am a prayer warrior. I was sent by my teacher Jerry, the main character in the other story, Breaking the fourth wall again, Tommy-boy? How very naughty of you. which follows a group of Christians who fights against the evil Gods of the Greek. I was sent here to England to bring them back to the one true path, and that is true our lord Jesus Christ. My target was Hogwarts, and Stanic school that still allows Witches and Wizards to exists, truly evil servents of a lorf.
One paragraph in and I'm already harbouring homicidal thoughts. Nobody. Insults. Hogwarts. In. Front. Of. Me.
Before I went, Jerry said to me, "My follower, dear friend Michael of Christ, If he's so dear, why is he only appearing now? I have given you this job so that you can prove to the world how great Christ is, and he is the only true path. I want you to go undercover into Hogwarts and pretend to be a wizard. You seem to have forgotten to take the Sorting Hat into account. This would never work. You are not to preform any form of magick He'd be kicked out in a day. I wish Tommy-boy would realise that… it would make everything so much easier for us. as it is sin before our lord and savior Jesus Christ, eternal son of the only God. Instead, I want you to find out if there is corruption between the English government and Dumbledore, Hogwarts's twisted and sick head teacher, Sharpen your pitchforks, fellow muggles. who allows Witches and Wizards to worship Satan and preform dark rituals such as dancing naked in front in the rain sos that it made Christians die. How does that work, again? We must work out how to stop this from happening, for it is sin to murder someone like this!
"For this to be successful, I need you to go to there train station in London, It's called King's Cross Station, Tommy-boy. and walk through a wall. Be carefully, for this is a creation of Satan. However, God will forgive you for using these stuff, God is a bit busy facepalming now, I imagine for it is for the betterment of the Christian empire. When you enter, pretend to be like them, but do not do any spells, for it is sin against God, I believe we've established that. but he allows you to pretend to be a wizard, for it is for the betterment of us all. But beware, if you are to be forced to read a book, or a potion, or a spell, think to yourself a prayer: 'I am sorry God, for I have sin. I had not control over such doings, but it was for the betterment of all Christians, for it will destroy my cover if I refused to do so. Pleased Forgive me for all my sinful acts. Amen'. And so say that, and God will be forgive you. But you must read the Bible every day, for it is a sin to forget Gods words. Do not full into temptation or you will burn in the eternal flames of hell!"
You have to pray for forgiveness every time you read a book? No wonder you're so stupid.
And so I went onto the plane, but as I was on it, I did prayed, for I need to bullshit strength, for I was to be tested. I also read the Bible, with the Book of Matthew, for Jerry ordered me dodo so. I'm just thinking about Zazu from the Lion King right now… And then I got off the plane. I went to the train station, From the plane to the train? I'm actually feeling pity for you. and I walked through the Static wall. Static? Did it make your hair stand up? Then I was a Satan Train, You… turned into a train? which was made of METAL bones of death Christian martyrs, who died in an epic battle against Godwarts Pigfarts! many years ago, when it was banned to be a Witch and the Holy Catholic Church control of the England. Then England rejected God, and started to worship a false god, Henry the eight, the Satanic fool!
Erroneous. Nobody worshipped King Henry VIII. In fact, not many people really liked him.
And so I went onto the Train, I thought you were the train? and I came across Ginny, one of the witches.
Dum dum da-dum, cliffhanger!