Things That Go Bump In The Night

A/N – this is not my usual fare but today I am indulging in a case of the sillies and have written this tale for the ladies of the Twin Exchange who were nice enough (I suppose nice isn't the right word) to exchange their own experiences with The Breast Fairy.

Things That Go Bump In The Night

High up in their tower all snug in their beds, seven year levels of Gryffindor girls were about to receive what had become known in the castle as both a blessing and a curse. They welcomed this visit from their small winged friend who only came around when she was least expected.

Around once a year The Breast Fairy came to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the girls waited to see if this year they would be given a generous gift or if they would receive what looked like two lumps of coal beneath their shirts; it was often said that The Breast Fairy was always jealous of her cousin St Nick's fame.

So it was on this cold November night that she made her way up the marble staircases, having just made a rather un-generous deposit in the dungeons. The Ravenclaw's were next to receive a modest yet generous donation and since The Breast Fairy was once a Hufflepuff she decided this year she would be extra nice to her fellow housemates.

This left the Gryffindor girls, those brave and savvy diva's who demanded attention when they walked into a room – at least that's what they had been like when the BF (as she now liked to call herself) had been studying within these walls. For these girls who could be both gentle yet fierce like their mascot she decided to give a mixed gift, randomly granting them both big and small chests.

Floating through the portrait hole she made her way up the stairs, first stopping at the first years then on to the second. All was going well and to plan as she filched a chocolate here and flicked through a personal diary there. That was until she reached the sixth year dormitory and heard a curious sound.

Ears peaked and nose pressed to the key hole she expected to find a late night pillow fight in progress but there was not a sign of movement to be seen inside. All the curtains were drawn and the lights were out – so what had that odd noise been?

Sliding into the room as stealthily as a 200 kilogram floating woman with wings could she began to investigate – consulting her lift of girls as she passed each bed – Lavender Brown was set to see a reduction this year after a recent groping incident; nobody took advantage of the BF's gifts and lived with them long enough to repeat it. Ah the other Patil twin, this one was going to receive bigger breasts than her sister just because the BF wanted to see some good old sibling rivalry between the two.

Floating around as she consulted her list and worked her magic she heard the curious noise again, bed sheets being ruffled just a little too much to be someone shifting in their sleep. The next bed along was one Hermione Granger's; that was Hermione-never-broke-the-rules-unless-it-was-for-the-greater-good Granger, the BF couldn't help but wonder what such a student was doing up at this time of night, probably studying if reports were to be believed.

Floating high up to the ceiling the BF looked between the gap in the canopy and the curtains and gasped in shock for Hermione-never-broke-the-rules-unless-it-was-for-the-greater-good Granger was not studying at all. And not only was she not studying but she was not doing it alone; the Breast Fairy would never have believed it if she hadn't witnessed it with her own eyes.

There writhing beneath her on the red and gold covers were two very randy students – one bushy brunette and the other a rather messy red head in desperate need of a haircut engaged in a rather vigorous round of tonsil hockey. She watched as he young Gryffindor rolled the red head onto his back as she attacked his naked chest in a very Prefect like manner.

The boy beneath her ran his hands from her hip up under her shirt to caress the breasts the BF had so generously given the ungrateful girl just the year before.

"Oh Fred," the girl moaned as he did unspeakable things to the girl that made the fairy splutter high above them. Dumbledore would be hearing about this that was for sure but first she wished to extract a little revenge for the poor treatment of the gifts she gave so generously.

Waving her wand she worked her magic, sure and true in her craft before smirking to herself and disappearing to the kitchen with a pop. A good piece of spell craft should always be rewarded with a sticky bun in her opinion.

The couple high in the tower noticed almost immediately that something was wrong. The bushy haired girl pushed off the red haired boys' chest with a screech that woke the tower. This was followed shortly by a cry of alarm from him as people came rushing from all directions to see what was wrong.

Fred in a fit of hysterics ran crying from the tower toward the hospital wing screaming at the top of his lungs, "Where did these bloody things come from?" closely followed by his concerned twin while Hermione stared down at her own flat chest and asked sadly "Where did they go?"

And that boys and girls is the end of this sad tale of a girl, a boy a fairy and some misplaced breasts.

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