Two sides of the Same Coin
I don't own TMNT, wish I did but I don't. Reviews appreciated.
Leo grumbled to himself and paced back and forth in irritation. Donnie was acting out again and doing his own thing. This was just like the other times such as the time he built Metalhead or the time he built the Turtle mech. Right now he was in the midst of creating an exo-suit that he claimed to would help assist them in some of their battles.
This problem had started just days ago. Donnie had announced to his brothers his latest invention concept. Everyone was impressed by it, particularly Casey and Mikey. Mikey had immediately dubbed it the T-Frame while Casey proclaimed it was metal and that he wanted to know if there were going to be enough for everyone. Leo was the only one who was less than impressed with the new invention. Once again Donnie was ignoring the training that Splinter had given them. This time, Leo planned on setting the record straight once and for all.
"Donnie," The blue-masked turtle had said trying to keep a measured tone in his voice. He didn't want to fly off the handle at his second brother, but at the same time, he couldn't hide his irritation. "Nothing about this has anything to do with Ninjutsu."
The eager smile that was on Donnie's faded to a scowl. This was an argument that Donnie had heard time and again over his lifetime, ever since he began living his life in pursuit of science. Most of the time, Donnie ignored Leo's argument or gave some insistence in defense of his creation. This time, however, the Brainiac was ready to scrap if it had to come to that.
"You know Leo," Donnie said, his voice taking on the same measured tone as his eldest brother. "Just because you're the leader, it doesn't mean you're right 100% of the time."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Leo nearly snarled, he was used to Raph openly questioning his authority, but Donnie…that was not a common occurrence. Such events were so rare that Leo was certain he could count them on one of his three-fingered hands.
"Exactly what you think it means," Donnie shot back. "Couldn't you for once in your life at least consider what I do for our family?"
"By doing what," Leo bristled "by ignoring the traditional skills we were taught ever since we had been infants? By creating machines that only threaten to expose our family and put us in danger? For someone with an IQ as high as yours, you don't seem to have your brain screwed in correctly most days."
"Ouch…" Casey commented. "That's cold, man."
"Oh really," Donnie countered. "I seemed to recall there was a period of time when I was building the Turtle Mech, a month and a half to be exact. You could have used that time to bring up any concerns about what sort of danger I was putting everyone in by its creation. Instead, you wait until the Kraang is nearly upon us to point out excuses over why it shouldn't be used. When the real truth of the matter is, it didn't fit your traditional standards. Why don't you get your head out of your shell long enough to realize that everything isn't all about what you want? Our ninja skills don't exactly account for war zones caused by psychotic aliens wanting to turn Earth into the next Dimension X."
"Well," Leo snarled. He was so angry at his second brother he didn't realize what he was saying until the words flew out of his mouth. "Maybe if you didn't waste every waking moment in your lab working on your worthless experiments, Splinter would still be alive!" Leo immediately regretted the words he had said, but it was too late now. In response, Donnie staggered backward as though he had just been punched in the gut. The purple-masked turtle just shook his head a couple of times as though begging Leo that he hadn't just heard those words come out of his mouth. Before turning and bolting back into the lab, the heavy iron doors slamming shut behind him.
"Leo!" April cried out, an appalled tone in her voice.
"That's messed up, yo." Casey agreed.
"Not cool, dude," Mikey added as the three of them walked away in disgust.
Leo didn't object to everyone's reactions. He knew he was out of line with what he had said. He wanted to take it all back, he honestly did. But what could he honestly say to make things right again?
"I suppose you're going to tell me I'm a jerk too," Leo asked his remaining brother as he dejectedly sat down on one of the benches in the pit. Raph, who had been watching the whole exchange silently up until that point considered Leo's words while he eyed the iron doors of the lab.
"I'd say you deserve it," Raph agreed "Though I'm usually in the "Donatello is more of a problem then he's worth" camp, so I have no reason to judge. However, I am going to say you just put yourself in the stew pot. Good luck finding a way to pull yourself out of it."
Ever since that day, Donnie had shut himself in his lab and had refused to come out let alone speak to anyone. Raph didn't seem to notice or care that Donnie had shut himself away from his family. Though the absence of the purple-masked turtle was felt by all during evening patrols, their family just didn't feel whole without him.
The times Leo had knocked on the lab doors hoping Donatello had calmed down enough to at least hear him out were always flat-out ignored. To add even more salt to Leo's irritation, he had heard the sound of construction which meant Donnie was building the T-Frame regardless of how his eldest brother felt about it. Couldn't Donnie for once see that creating that exo-suit defeated the purpose of being a Ninja? Ninjitsu required stealth; it meant staying in the shadows so they can strike unseen and fade away without a trace. An oversized exo-frame would only expose them to human eyes, which was something they couldn't afford. They had been fortunate that Muckman had covered for them when they were nearly revealed to all of New York by Joan Grody But that ruse would only work so long as the rest of the city thought they were just a bunch of teenage vigilantes playing dresses up.
What was even worse was the tension between the two of them was bugging everyone else. Casey had stopped coming to the lair commenting that the lair was becoming too toxic for his liking. Raph would frequently go to the surface to blow off some steam. April would often go to the surface to visit her dad or hang with Casey. The times she was in the lair she always looked like she wanted to step in and tell one of the two feuding turtles if not both to just grow up and settle this already. Leo had attempted to ask April to tell Donnie that they needed to talk. Unfortunately for Leo, April refused and told him this was his responsibility to deal with.
Then there was Mikey…the youngest turtle was distressed by the discord between his older brothers. Often he would hang out in his room or in the kitchen with Ice Cream Kitty. The rest of the time it felt like he was walking on eggshells as though afraid of making the uncomfortable situation into even more of a tinderbox.
Sighing through his nose in frustration Leo stalked to the one place in the lair he had ever felt the most at peace, the Dojo. As he entered the training space that he had spent so many hours with his father, intensely sparing or in deep meditation. His eyes immediately went to the photo they had put up for Splinter at the shrine. The four of them as six-year-old kids, standing before the camera in front of the turnstiles, with Splinter proudly towering behind them. In the center of the picture Donnie and himself stood side by side, just like the brothers they always were.
"Good evening, Father," Leo said as he knelt seiza style before the shrine and gazed up at the image of Master Splinter. "I wish you were here to offer me guidance about something. The issue has to do with Donnie, he…he's been making this contraption. I don't agree with it because I feel it goes against everything you've taught us. It's…I don't know I'm at a loss over what I should do, he isn't talking to me anymore and he's refusing to listen to reason. But…I know he would have listened to you. What would you have done if you were still with us?"
"Correction, dude," Leo heard a voice speaking behind him. Standing in the doorway was Michelangelo. The smaller turtle regarded his oldest brother calmly as he spoke. "D isn't building the T-Frames, he's taking them apart."
"Taking them apart?" Leo asked as he wracked his brains trying to figure out why in the world Donnie would do something like that. The purple-masked turtle's creations were always passion projects; it was un-Donnie-like to destroy something he created. Even the time he had requested that his brother shut down Metalhead for good was met with some protest.
"Yeah," Mikey answered as he came and knelt down with the blue-masked turtle. "He already had T-Frames built for all of us, including one for April or Karai if she wanted to use one." Leo could feel a pang of guilt in his gut. Donnie had already built the T-Frames for all of them, which meant he was trying to hype them up when he was telling them about his newest invention. He should feel glad that his brother was seeing reason enough to destroy them, but yet he didn't.
The whole thing reminded him of a time when they had been small children. They had been gathering things they could use for supplies with Splinter. Donnie had found a broken toy –Leo couldn't recall what kind of toy it was- and put it with their supplies so he could fix it up as something for the four of them to play with. That evening when they were watching a cartoon movie on TV, Raph noticed Donnie was more interested in fixing the toy rather than watching the film. In irritation, he grabbed the toy from his immediate younger brother and smashed it against a wall just because he felt he could.
Raph had been forced by Splinter to stand facing a corner in the dojo the rest of the movie for his actions. Unfortunately, Donnie's relationship with Raph soured following this event resulting in the tension between them that still existed to this very day.
The blue-masked turtle had a sick feeling he was doing exactly what Raph had done back then, but he quickly dismissed the thought. Donnie's inventions did have a habit of backfiring (such as nearly blowing up their home on a couple of occasions), or worse yet running the risk of drawing unwanted attention from humans and enemies. That was what his brother always failed to see until it was already a problem. As much as the purple-masked turtle insisted he had everything under control, Leo just couldn't trust this was the case.
"You hurt him you know," Mikey said as he gazed up the picture of the four of them standing with Splinter.
"You mean by saying Splinter would still be alive if he focused less on his experiments and more on his training." Leo sighed. "I don't even know why I said that even the healing hands wouldn't have been enough to save Sensei."
"Not that!" Mikey interjected. "I mean yeah that was the punch that broke the turtle's shell, but you hurt him when you were telling him his inventions only put us in danger."
"Well they do," Leo insisted "Remember how Metalhead grabbed you by the face; you could have been seriously hurt by that."
"But," Mikey pointed out "when have you ever heard Sensei tell Donnie he was wrong for making one of his inventions." Leo opened his mouth to say, but now that he honestly thought of it he never heard Splinter object to any of Donnie's creations. The only real time Donnie was punished at all for something he created was when he had built that rocket launcher, which unexpectedly went off in the lair. Even then Splinter didn't really scold Donnie for it. Largely because there was nothing he honestly could have stated that any of his brothers (particularly Raph and Leo) would not have said already. But, the elder rat still expressed disappointment that Donnie failed to see that his own skills needed to shine in battle, not his weapon. As well as pointing out how foolish it was to build such a dangerous weapon in the lair, to begin with.
"I understand you aren't happy with the weapon that has chosen you, Donatello," Leo recalled overhearing Splinter say to his second brother. "But, remember it is your weapon and it has chosen you for a reason."
"I still don't know what that reason is!" Donnie insisted with quite a bit of frustration. "Why out of all the weapons we have, the one that chose me is a giant stick?! Why couldn't I get chosen by a weapon like the ones my brothers have?!"
"My son," Splinter expressed with a tone that seemed to vacillate between amused and exasperated. "You already know why the bo staff has chosen you. You, do not accept that part of yourself because you fear that your brothers will think less of you for it. As I have told you the bo staff is a weapon that is perfect for one who bears a thoughtful spirit and a peaceful heart. Additionally, you already have a weapon that is more powerful than any of the ones your brothers possess, your mind…your intellect. My son, you have ways of seeing things and finding solutions to problems that your brothers fail to. You have compassion for others and want to help them however possible, and you have come up with strategies to help protect our secret lair and this family. It is these qualities that make you shine in battle."
"Master Splinter may not have understood everything D' would make in his lab," Mikey stated. "And he may not have agreed with it 1000% of the time, more like maybe 60 or 80% tops. But Sensei never told him not to create whatever he was making; he encouraged it simply because he was interested in seeing what he could do with whatever it was."
Leo again looked up at the picture of Splinter proudly towering behind the four of them. His two most gifted sons standing in front of him, ready to take on the world together, while Raph and Mikey both flanked their brothers and their father, ready to defend their family from whatever was in store for them.
His mind wandered to one of the many times he had complained to Splinter that his brothers weren't listening to him or taking his direction seriously.
"No matter what I do or say, none of them will listen to me." Leo had ranted as he paced back and forth in the Dojo. Splinter just calmly remained kneeling on the floor as he listened to his eldest son. "Raph doesn't want to do anything I tell him simply because they are my orders, Mikey has trouble grasping even the simplest of tasks. And Donnie…Donnie just does what he wants to do; he refuses to see that whatever he creates in his lab is just a crutch. The traditional skills you've taught us are the correct way of doing things, not this techno-gimmickry."
Splinter calmly weighed his son's words before commenting on his son's complaints. "I understand the frustration you may be feeling about your brothers. But your brothers will only follow you when they feel they are recognized for what they have to offer to the team, and not what you feel they should be. For Raphael and Michelangelo, I can only suggest that you be patient. Acknowledge them for being who they are rather than faulting them for not being you. As for Donatello, I will you say you are partially correct. I have taught you traditional ways of fighting and it is a correct way of fighting. However, Donatello's ingenuity has just as much importance as tradition, as ninja, we also must adapt to the world around us. What he offers may not appear to make sense when it comes to our art, and at times all you may see is the danger it poses. But to disregard him for the sake of tradition, will only bring disaster."
"But, shutting himself in his lab," Leo nearly yelled in frustration. "I'd take him a lot more seriously if he put just as much effort in his training as he does with his lab."
"My son," Splinter shook his head. "Both you and Donatello are skilled in the Ninja arts in your own way and as individuals, you are capable and strong. But together the two of you are a force that will be a challenge for any foe."
Returning to the present, Leo noticed that April had also joined him and Mikey. April regarded Leo as though assessing him while Mikey continued to eye his eldest brother questioningly.
"You know, there is a nickname for Donnie that Raph and I use sometimes," Mikey said as a small, but an amused smile crossed his face.
"Let me guess," Leo sighed "is it bucket head?" He was familiar with sobriquet as it was often used for Donnie's near-insatiable desire to know and understand everything; it was just like water slowly dripping into a bucket. While the bucket will contain whatever was filling it, it still offered a lot of space to be filled.
"Actually no," April stated, "It's Leo Jr."
"Leo…jr…?" The blue-masked turtle said the title questioningly.
"Yeah," Mikey said with the biggest smile he had shone in the past few days. "Raph would often call you Splinter Jr. because of how looked up to Master Splinter."
"Well, of course, I looked up to Splinter," Leo stated as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. "Splinter was our sensei, I felt it was my place as the eldest of the four of us to devote myself and master all he taught us. Both to protect everyone and also to be an example of what Splinter expected of us. It's why I wanted to be leader, I wanted to be someone that could carry on Splinter's legacy and that my brothers would be proud to follow."
"If Don was any more of a loyal follower to you, he would be wearing a dog collar," Raph grumbled as he also joined the conversation. "He was always following you around like a puppy when we were kids."
"It's no secret Donnie looks up to you," April pointed out.
"Don't you mean down to Leo?" Mikey asked, "D is the tallest of the four of us."
"Looking up to him as in being highly respectful," April explained to the younger turtle before she returned her attention to Leo once again. "D told me one time that he's always wanted to make you and Splinter proud of him."
That statement caused the feeling of something grabbing old of Leo's heart. It felt like something he just realized at that very moment but yet felt as though he should have known a long time ago.
"Yeah dude," Mikey confirmed "and he totally acts like you at times, such as carrying a lot of stuff on his shell like you do, he has the same tendency to blame himself whenever something goes wrong. There were a couple of times where he practically turned into you. Well not literally turned into you, cause that would be like totally weird. But it's like an inner version of you awakens in him. Even in that chemical plant explosion, shielding Raph and me while he was trying to get us out was so something you would have done. There is that almost scary way you two start or end each other's sentences. And he also has this creeptastic way of understanding what you would think and say in a situation. Like during the whole mutant wasp monster thing, he seemed to sense something was wrong with you before we all realized what was wrong with you."
"What Mikey means," April said "Is that Donnie does emulate you in many ways, such as shouldering responsibilities for the family, a lot more than he really should. He also has the same goals of protecting this family and your home as you do. He just approaches those same goals differently. When he comes to breakthroughs or ideas that could help in a situation he would often take it to Splinter or everyone together, but when it really mattered he brought it to you first."
"Though I don't blame you for not listening," Raph added. "Everything he says is "bla bla bla, science babble, bla bla."
"Well," Leo's voice gave a crack of frustration. "I do have three brothers to look after, not one. If I pay more attention to one it's choosing favorites, and not enough time its neglect."
"Dude…" Mikey shook his head somewhat sadly. "Last I checked I spend more time with Donnie then you do. Name the last time you really gave any sort of thought towards him."
"Well," Leo started to say as he searched through his memories to answer. "There was that time we were trying to prevent Kavaxas from getting his hands on the Shredder's heart. Donnie was jeopardizing the whole mission just to get revenge on Vizioso."
"For…?" Raph inquired as though indicating there was more to it.
"Because..." Leo sighed as he listed off the reasons "Because Vizioso's goons nearly killed you, captured Donnie and Mondo Gecko because they went after you to warn you that they were a danger. And then Vizioso nearly had Donnie vivisected in their hotel hideout."
"Yeah," Raph agreed "But remember Don was also after Vizioso's blood. As much as I liked seeing Don showing his angry side for once, even I know he's not the violent type. He's had near-death experiences before...and one death experience. Yet he hasn't sworn vengeance against people like Karai or Slash, so what made Vizioso different?"
"Because…" Leo started to answer but found he couldn't. He had been so focused on the goal of preventing the Foot Clan from resurrecting the Shredder; he hadn't bothered to even ask what was causing the uncharacteristic behavior. Now that he thought about it, maybe he should have taken Donnie aside to see what was really going on. Particularly since their efforts to stop Kavaxas from getting the heart only wounded up as nothing. And before that, the last time he had focused on Donnie's expertise…he had been more concerned with what was happening to April. The only thought he had really given to his second brother was when he was forced to helplessly watch as Donnie had been destroyed before his eyes.
No matter what he tried to remember the only real times he actually thought about his second brother at all were few and far between. Mikey was in almost constant need of attention and Raph was frequently a handful, it was easy to forget that a fourth Turtle even existed. Even then Donnie spent so much time in his lab, that Leo often assumed that the other turtle didn't need any sort of attention at all.
The last memory he had of honestly spending time with Donatello, just as brothers had been when they had been ten years old. The two of them had been sitting under a grating looking up at the glow of the city above their sewer dwelling. The two of them didn't speak; they just sat enjoying each other's company and the sounds of the city above them.
"Say, Leo," Donnie asked cautiously "Do you think Sensei misses being human?"
"I don't know," Leo answered "maybe. By the way, why do you always call him Sensei, why not father? I mean we are his son's right?" Donnie just gave a non-committal shrug.
"Master Splinter said that he wanted us to call him "Sensei" as long as he is training us." He replied.
"Yeah, but…" Leo pointed out. "I don't remember you ever calling him father or dad, or anything like that before." Again Donnie just shrugged like it was something that didn't matter.
"Do you think there could be a way to reverse mutations?" Donnie asked suddenly changing the subject.
"I suppose there has to be some way." Leo sighed; sometimes talking to Donnie was like talking to a brick wall. You never got the answers you want and all you wound up with was a huge headache. Even Mikey at his most inane was easier to understand. "If there is a way to cause Mutations, perhaps there is a way to undo them." Donnie didn't reply, he had lapsed back into silence again as they continued to gaze up at the glowing world above.
"If I…" Donnie finally said after fifteen minutes had passed. "If I ever discover a way to reverse Mutations, Splinter will be the first person I'd cure."
"The first person…?" Leo asked finding the statement a little odd.
"Yeah," Donnie said "You, me, Mikey, and Raph are the only known mutant turtles in the world. But there could be other people or creatures that have been affected by the same substance that turned us from normal baby turtles into what we are today. Living outside a world that will never accept us isn't easy. It's something we are used to experiencing because we've lived our whole lives this way. But maybe, there is someone who feels walled off from those they love because they had been made into something that most would only see as a monster. Shouldn't they deserve a chance to return to who they once were?"
"All I can really say is," Leo smiled as he placed a hand on his second brother's shoulder. "If there is a way to cure Mutations, I know you'll succeed in finding it someday."
Leo could feel tears of shame well up in his eyes as he gazed up the family photo that rested on the shrine once more. The turtle standing beside him in that photo felt more like a stranger than he ever had as a brother. What if things had been different? What if he had taken the time to be more present in his brother's life? What if he had made more of an effort to see where Donnie was coming from with his inventions?
"The worst thing about all this," Mikey said solemnly "Is that when D is alone…he cries. He hides it well, but my ninja senses can feel he isn't alright in there."
"But he's always…" Leo started to say but stopped himself. Ever since Donnie had first created his lab, he frequently spent time alone in there. Frequently it was a space where he would think and create. There have however been times when Donnie would morosely say that was where he was going to be, such as when Raph callously commented that he felt April was gone for good, while Donnie had been in earshot. While other times Donnie would just go there just to be out of everyone's way. If what Mikey was saying was true, was this only happening now…or has this been going on longer then they realized.
Leo's mind wandered back to the time when he had just woke up from his three-month coma. Donnie had made this nasty tasting medicine that he had made from Mutagen. The intention was to help Leo, heal from his injuries. Unfortunately, the next morning when Raph was leading him on a hike through the forest Leo had taken a swig on the medicine before he suddenly felt severely nauseated.
Raph immediately had rushed Leo back to the farmhouse. Mikey and Casey soon arrived with concern about what had happened to Leo. April had rushed to the barn to inform Donnie about what had happened. Unfortunately, the moment he stepped foot into the farmhouse things went bad really quick.
"You…," Raph said with a menacing growl as his green eyes zeroed in on his immediate younger brother. "What were you trying to do?! Poison him?!"
"Raph…" Leo had weakly said, his stomach still roiled with nausea.
"No, I'd never…" Donnie had said defensively though it was clear the accusation was causing the purple-masked turtle to become distressed.
"Could have fooled me," Raph snarled as he stalked forward as though intending to throttle Donnie. "That medicine you created just made Leo sick!"
"Is…is that true?" Donnie had directed the question towards Leo, but the blue-masked turtle could feel an underlying current of…what…guilt, grief, self-doubt, a combination of all of the above, Leo wasn't certain.
"Yeah, it's true!" Raph growled accusingly his fingers flexing as though they longed to wrap around Donnie's throat.
"Raph…" Leo again protested trying to reign in his brasher brother; again his calls were falling on deaf ear slits.
"Haven't you done enough damage to this family already, Dorkatello?!" Raph snarled darkly.
"Hey man," Mikey stepped in "If it wasn't for Donnie none of us would have gotten out of New York alive."
"Yeah," Raph said. "He was useful once, big deal. The rest of the time I don't know who the bigger threat to this family actually is, the Foot, the Kraang, or the so-called genius here."
"Raph!" Leo called out from the couch mustering all his energy to get the angry, red-masked turtle to hear him. "He was only trying to help." Raph continued to glare Donnie into the floor before turning and moving back to where his injured brother lay on the couch.
"With brothers like him…" Raph spat "Who needs the Shredder?"
"D," April had asked with concern as Donnie had started up to the stairs to his room. "Are you okay?" If Donnie responded to her question Leo didn't hear one.
Later that evening when they had brought back what was left of Raph to the farmhouse, Donnie had immediately set to task in figuring out what could do to restore their brother to life. Leo had settled close by on a pile of hay bails; Raph had steadfastly remained at his side while he slept over the past three months. He owed Raph the same courtesy. Everyone else had returned to the house to wait for whatever news the morning would bring. Donnie didn't so much as look at Leo as he set out all the tools and equipment needed to save their brother. Once everything was laid out, Donnie paused a moment and looked up at the ceiling as though debating something.
"Hey…Leo," he had said.
"Yes, Donnie?" Leo had asked, letting his brother know he had his attention. Donnie, however, didn't respond, he seemed to think better of what he was going to say as he shook his head.
"It's nothing…" Donnie had sighed and returned to task.
Thinking back on it now, Leo wondered if he should have insisted that Donnie tell him what he was going to say. Following everything that had happened during the second Kraang Invasion, Donnie appeared to become distant and more often than not was spending all his time in his lab. Sometimes coming into morning training or evening patrol looking as he really should be spending five hours on the couches in the pit. Psychogenic fevers were also a common affliction that Donnie suffered from whenever he had stressed himself out due to nights with very little rest, as were nosebleeds. Those also began to happen rather frequently, particularly when he had been tasked to find a way to counteract Shredder's hold over Karai
Leo had chosen to overlook this because he knew his brother was trying to find a cure for the brain worm that was controlling the Foot Kunoichi. Donnie's success at that was paramount in freeing Karai and returning her to her true family, for good. Unfortunately, even D's high IQ was stumped by this task as he reluctantly admitted that he had exhausted everything he could think of. Leo, however, had refused failure as an option and demanded that Donatello return to the lab and try again…harder this time. If he hadn't been selfishly thinking of breaking Karai free from the Shredder's control, he may have noticed that his second brother had run himself ragged with exhaustion. Donnie had stayed up for countless nights without sleep trying to find a way to free Karai. April, Splinter, even Mikey had expressed concerns to Leo that maybe he was pushing the impossible on to Donatello's shoulders. As intelligent as Donnie was he wasn't a machine, he did have his limits. Leo had refused to see reason and insisted that if there was a cure to be found Donnie would find it. Particularly since he has achieved what was considered impossible before.
Speaking of the second invasion, Leo didn't recall a time since then when he had heard his second brother honestly laughing. Donnie laughed occasionally, but it was always a hollow, bitter sound. His sarcasm and cynicism also became more rampant in his speech patterns. And then occasionally whenever Donnie felt Leo wasn't paying him any attention, he would throw his eldest brother a guilt-ridden look. As though he felt Leo's life and body was forever changed because of him.
Leonardo sighed as his eyes turned guiltily towards the floor. His shoulders shook as he fought back on coming tears.
"So do you understand why Donnie's so upset with you now?" April asked.
"I think so," Leo said. "I haven't given Donnie the respect he needs, I've pushed him when I should have encouraged. I've ignored him or disregarded him when he's needed me."
"Not just that dude," Mikey pointed out. "You also make him feel unwanted."
"The thing is Leo," April said "Splinter once told me something that was about both you and Donnie. 'Tradition and Innovation go hand in hand as two sides of a coin, though either can tip the scales of victory. Success is not achieved by one alone, but by both in tandem." Don't you see? Donnie is an echo of you, and while he doesn't exactly ignore the traditional skills that Splinter has taught you. His strength comes from more innovative means. Both of you are capable of facing battles on your own, and both are willing to give your lives to protect those around you. But I've also seen battles where Donnie has struggled without your guidance, and there have been battles where you guys have faltered without Donnie. Still, there have been times, I've seen you and Donnie fight in tandem and both the forces of the Foot and the Kraang have fallen before you."
"But that doesn't explain why he feels unwanted," Leo pointed out.
"Should you get an opportunity to watch Donnie working in his lab," April pointed out. "Really take the time to actually look, because everything he does…he does on his own. He is aware that much of what he creates does cause unintentional problems for the rest of you. But that is also par for the course in finding solutions for some problems you face. Things like retromutagen are not going to be found without much trial and error. However, by telling him that something he has created has no place in what you do, is like telling him that he has no place among you either"
Leo gasped in horror as the weight of April's words slapped him full in the face.
"Successful?! Mentalhead nearly ripped Mikey's face off!"
"Please, I had it all under control."
"AND WHEN YOU DON'T?!"
"Donatello has created a powerful tool; it is to our advantage to study an enemies techniques, but you must use that tool wisely."
"Tickle ray… real useful upgrade, Donnie."
"It happens to be a three-dimensional volumetric scan!"
"Are you sure plugging Metalhead into unknown Kraang-tech is a good idea?"
"Trust me, Leo. The Kraang processer in Metalhead makes him perfectly compatible, with their computers. What could go wrong?"
"Great Donnie, great…Not only did we lose the Kraang, but Metalhead blew up our only clue to where they went."
"Donnie…you've got to shut down his AI!."
"Shut down his A.I?! But that would be like turning off his brain!"
"He's just too dangerous!"
"We need him, Leo! The Kraang and the Foot are armed up more than ever."
"It's not worth the risk. Metalhead was glitchy before he plugged into that Kraang computer and he was taken over by the Kraang once already. Are you sure you can trust him?"
"Maybe you're right…I'll take care of it."
"Donnie, I told you he was dangerous, now he probably out there trashing the city."
"He's here to save the mutants. All along we thought he was going crazy, but he's here just to save 'em."
"He saved all of us...You were right Donnie, I should have trusted you."
"I give you my latest invention, the Turtle Mech! It's fully armed with rockets, flamethrowers, and an electro-harpoon. Good to stop a massive Kraang army or your money back."
"But that thing isn't even ready; it could damage New York more than help it."
"It's ready…enough."
"There's has to be another way. We've got to establish a second base outside the city."
"There is no time for that, Leo! The Turtle Mech is solid! If I were leader…"
"But you're not leader, Donnie! I am!"
"Enough! Your egos fight one another when we should be preparing to fight the Kraang."
"Leo, the Turtle Mech is our only answer! Be reasonable!"
"I am being reasonable; we need a second base, Donnie! Period!"
"Left, that will lead us to the Turtle Mech!"
"No we gotta find Raph and Casey first!'
"We can find 'em in the Mech!"
"It's too slow!
"You're too slow, you're leading us to disaster!"
"Donnie, you know how much this will mean to Sensei,"
"Leo, I'm trying as hard as I can."
"Well…TRY HARDER!"
"TRY HARDER!? I ALWAYS HAVE TO FIND THE SOLUTION! YOU'RE LEADER, LEO… YOU FIND THE ANSWER!"
Every moment, every time he had criticized Donnie's judgment, had turned out that his brother had been right all along. Every time he had rejected a weapon Donnie had felt would have been helpful in a given situation. Again, Donnie's offer had been sound. When Donnie had exhausted everything he could think of, Leo had only pressured him further completely ignorant of the fact that the only thing he was doing was hurting his second brother. Every conflict between them seemed to escalate the problem as the rift between them seemed to grow wider. What if next time the result was worse than Donnie locking himself in the lab? What about the time after that?
If Leo could have revisited those moments, he would have made more of an effort to trust Donnie's judgment. He would have seen if perhaps they could compromise so that way the Turtle Mech could be used to quell the conflict with the Kraang long enough for a second base to be built. Maybe instead of faulting his brother for failing to find a cure for Karai, he should have thanked Donnie for trying at all. Perhaps offered to look over Donnie's notes himself to see if he can see what his brother had attempted. That way after his brother had been given a few days rest; perhaps the two could tackle the problem together.
Tears slipped past Leo's closed eyelids as his shoulders shook harder. "I've been a horrible brother." He said his voice cracking with sobs. All this time, when he thought he had been thinking about his brothers and what they needed, he hadn't actually been taking all of them into account…not really.
"I think it's time you talked to Donnie," April said.
"But how can I…" Leo said as his gaze returned to photo with Donnie and himself as boys. "We felt so close when we were kids, and now it feels like there is a divide between us…one that will never heal no matter what I do."
"Have you ever tried patching things up between you and Donnie?" Raph asked. "About the second invasion? Did you and Donnie ever talk about your argument about the Turtle Mech?"
"Not exactly…" Leo said rubbing the back of his neck. His mind going to every moment he could recall from the moment he woke up at the farmhouse. He couldn't remember Donnie actually wanting to talk about what happened…except…"There was one point where I think he wanted to bring it up, and that was when he was trying to return you to normal Raph. But he seemed to think better of it and just said it wasn't important."
"What about the moment you told Donnie to "Try Harder" to find a way to counteract the brain worm that was affecting Karai?" Mikey asked.
"No..." Leo said "I think we were all tired and needed to recover from the torture we had endured, and as far as we knew Karai was lost to us. So there was little point in discussing it."
"So you've never..." April gasped, "Leo, this is serious. Ignoring the issues between you doesn't make them go away, it only makes the wounds caused by these conflicts to fester until the next conflict erupts."
"Yeah dude," Mikey said "Do you have any idea how much Donnie had been suffering when you were in that coma two years ago? He was beating himself about it, actually, he was doing that after you led the Kraang away from us. But he was really taking it hard...he still is...he blames himself for what happened to you." Leo's eyes widened as he processed this information. Everything between the moment he was struck down by the Shredder to waking up at the farmhouse three months later was all a blur. The only thing that was constant was the feeling of pain as his body tried to mend itself. Occasionally he could hear voices around him, but they always sounded distorted and far away as if they speaking to him from underwater. There was only one time that he heard a voice speaking, it was still far away and distorted but it was clearer than the other voices. Maybe because it was speaking directly too him and not around him.
I'm sorry, Leo. You were right. If we just left the city when you said, the Kraang would never have found the lair and started the invasion. None of this would've happened.
"We were actually worried that if..." April explained. "If you didn't make it, we would lose Donnie too. During that first week, he remained at your bedside for the first couple of nights, but he didn't sleep...he didn't eat."
"Yeah, Raph had to tell him that too unstable to be looking after you," Mikey commented.
"Well, he was," Raph groused. "I had to forcefully knock him out just so he'd get some shut eye, it was bad enough we had one sick turtle to look after. We didn't need two of them."
Leo was about to comment when there was a loud crash that sounded like it came from the lab along with a familiar scream.
"Donnie!" Raph gasped.
"Donnie?!" Mikey yelled as everyone rushed to the lab. "D, you okay?!
"Donnie!" Leo and April yelled in unison. Raph was at the lab door before the others pulling at the latch he found the door was locked. Stepping back a few paces he ran at the door trying to use all his weight and strength to break the locking mechanism on the other side, but the lock still held firm.
"Let me try," April said as he placed her had on the door, closing her eyes she focused her psychic abilities on the lock before there was the tell-tale thunk of the heavy locking mechanism shifting out of the way.
"Wish we thought of that earlier," Raph said dryly to his older brother, however, Leo paying attention as he was sniffing something in the air that was starting to trigger alarm bells he said.
"I smell smoke he said."His voice sounded noticeably panicked. April pulled the latch allowing the lab door was thrown wide open. Billowing plumes of black smoke rolled out into the lair common area. Taking a deep breath of what air he could, Leo rushed headlong into smoke. Raph followed be behind him pawing through the thick smoke for the fire extinguisher. His mind racing, the smoke would attract the attention of the city above and Donnie did have chemicals that would not react well to fire and could blow up the lair. The last thing they needed was humans coming across their lair to see what was causing the fire. Finally, he found the red canister he needed. His eyes were already stinging with the smoke and his lungs were demanding that they allow releasing the breath they were holding. From what it could make out in the damaged space one of the T-frames had collapsed and crashed into Donnie's work desk and his power generator. A few chemicals had fallen in the crash, these had been hit by sparks from the broken computer and generator causing the fire. Hurriedly he sprayed any hot and glowing areas with the flame retardant. April came in also came in a bearing a fire extinguisher from the kitchen trying to keep the fire from spreading to further around the lab.
"Leo..." Mikey coughed as he entered "Donnie, Raph? You dudes okay in here?" April created a bubble of psychic energy compressing all the acrid smoke in the room into it. Opening the garage bay door, she sent be bubble flying down the subway tunnel so it could disperse harmlessly away from the lair. Raph coughed as he released the air he had been holding in his lungs that he could breath easier he glanced about the room to makes sure all the fire spots were extinguished.
"Leo," He called out to his older brother. "Is Donnie okay?" There was no answer "Leo...?" Raph asked fearing that his older brother had succumbed to smoke inhalation. His green eyes hurriedly traced around the room for any sign of his immediate older and immediate younger brothers. It didn't take long to spot them, Leo was kneeling next to the fallen T-frame which had pinned...Raph gasped in horror as he ran to his older brothers side. Underneath the large metal exo-frame was Donnie, he was unconscious and didn't look like he was breathing.
"Donnie..." April gasped as she rushed over as well. Mikey was numb with speechlessness as he approached his older brothers, the last time he had felt fear and helplessness like this was when Leo had been thrown through the window of April's apartment. And also the time when Donnie had been seriously injured in the factory explosion.
"Raph," Leo said before he gave a harsh cough to clear his lungs. "Can you help me lift this?" Immediately Raph assisted Leo in lifting the T-frame off their injured brother. April and Mikey immediately pulled Donnie's body out from under the metal structure. Once he was clear the two turtles let the T-frame fall to the ground with a crash. Leo was at his brother's side in an instant rolling him over onto his shell. Donnie looked pale and he had grown rather thin over the past few days.
"He's not breathing," Raph announced worriedly as he placed a hand over Donnie's mouth hoping to feel for any sign that Donnie was alive. Leo's fingers were at Donnie's throat trying to detect a pulse. He gave a brief gasp of relief as he felt the small fluttering of Donnie's heartbeat. It was weak and thready, but it was there. Forcing Donnie's mouth he checked to make sure his brother's airway was clear. Pinching Donnie's nostrils closed he leaned down and pressed his mouth to his unconscious brothers pushing two deep breaths into his brother's lungs. Placing his hands together on his brother's chest began a round of chest compressions. Time passed by slowly as he continued to press down on his second brother's chest. Mikey was beside himself with worry, April paced back and forth her shoulders shaking as she prayed that Donnie would be alright. Raph eyed both of his brothers in concern knowing the only one outcome will come either Donnie would revive, or Leo would give up and call the time of death. Leo once again breathed air into his brother's lungs before starting compressions once more. About halfway through the compressions, Donnie suddenly started coughing and gasping as he struggled to gather fresh air into his lungs.
"He's okay!" April exclaimed as grateful tears fell down her face.
"Come on, let's get him to the Dojo," Leo said as Raph and Mikey carefully carried their wounded brother out of the lab. "There is more that needs to be done if we want to save him."
It felt like only yesterday that Donnie had been fighting for his life in this very room. A casualty of a chemical plant explosion that Leo had caused, now Donnie was laying prone on the floor of the Dojo again. Except this time, Splinter was no longer with them his brother's survival rested on his shoulders alone. Running his fingers in the sequenced kuji kiri that Splinter had taught him, Leo's hands began to glow before he placed them down on the core of Donatello's body releasing the healing energy so that it spread over his brothers being. He performed the healing hands a second time and a third before he paused to check Donnie's pulse. It was stronger then it had been before and his second brother looked more like he had entered peaceful slumber instead of the painfilled unconsciousness from before. He wanted to perform another healing hands just to be sure, but he told himself not to as he remembered Splinter telling him the technique does not take away the affliction. It only harnesses the bodies healing energies to where it needed, it was only the afflicted who had to fight what was ailing them.
"How is he?" April asked as she stepped into the room offering Leo a cup of tea. Leo sighed despondently; shaking his head as he gazed down at his brothers sleeping form. Unconsciously taking hold of one of Donnie's cold, limp hands in both of his own. Calmly April went to one of the cupboards in what was formerly Splinter's room. Pulling out two blankets she returned to the two turtles. Throwing one blanket over Donnie and draping the other over Leo's shoulders before she knelt beside him. Reaching out April gently stroked the injured Turtles scalp affectionately.
"Do you think he can hear me?" Leo asked
"I don't know," April replied, "Maybe, I remember Master Splinter once said the voices of loved ones can lead a person back from the brink of death. And when he was healing Donnie after that factory explosion, Splinter did speak to him so it could be possible."
"It's just I have a vague memory of Donnie apologizing to me when I was unconscious," Leo said "When I was in that coma, I could hear voices around me and I could feel pain. The voices most of the time seemed to blend together, but his voice rang out the strongest that one time.
"D was devastated with what happened to you," April answered, "He fought to keep you alive during the trip to the farmhouse, and after we got you settled he told us that if you survived the night then we would have more reason to hope for your recovery."
"Maybe I should have considered what Donnie was offering during the second invasion." Leo sighed "He's right, our traditional skills don't exactly account for wars against Alien threats. But at that time all I could see was that the Turtle Mech would only cause more damage to the city then necessary, it could expose our team to the human population of the city."
"Your concerns weren't wrong,' April stated "and his reasons weren't wrong either. The only time you two are wrong was when you approach your solution like its the only one that matters when both solutions could work together."
Leo didn't reply as he continued to hold his brother's hand. His thumb lightly caressing Donnie's fingers. His blue eyes locked on his younger brothers sleeping face. April quietly got up leaving the two turtles to their solitude.
"I don't know if you can hear me D," Leo softly said to the sleeping turtle before him. "But...I owe you a big apology. You've always been there for me...you've been there to listen to me when I've had things get off my shell, you've had my back in every conflict we've faced, and you've been someone I know I can rely on. But...but I haven't been here for you. I've ignored you when you needed me, I've brushed aside what you have offered to help the team rather than considering what sort of benefit it could offer. I've pushed you in tasks that were only for my selfish desires without thought as to how I could be hurting you."
A tear fell down the blue-masked Turtles face as he lightly pressed his brothers still fingers against his forehead.
"I don't deserve to have a brother like you." Leo sobbed as he squeezed Donnie's hand in both of his own. "I don't know why I was blessed with a brother as smart, as patent, and as kind as you are. I just know that I don't deserve to have someone like you and I will be making up every wrong I've done to you until the day I breathe my last. Just wake up D, come back us...please. We need you...I need you...I just want to have my little brother back, I'll do anything...I'll be a better brother to you, I swear it."
This felt like the longest night Leo had ever known. April, Raph, and Mikey had periodically stopped by to see if Donnie was awake or offered to take over so Leo could take a break.
"No," Leo would reply "I need to stay with Donnie." It had been over an hour since anyone had come by and he didn't hear anyone in the rest of the lair. So that meant the others had decided to head off to bed. Pulling out his T-phone he glanced at the time display, nearly four in the morning. After all this time, Donnie still hadn't regained consciousness. And what was worse was Leo could feel himself beginning to nod off. He wanted to remain awake for his brother, but sleep was calling him like a sirens song. Despite his most fervent efforts, his head began to lull forward towards his chest as his eyes drifted shut.
He opened his eyes with a start, he could have sworn he just felt Donnie's fingers twitch. Glancing hopefully at his brother, there wasn't any change. Maybe he should have performed the healing hands on Donnie one last to be sure his body was recovering the way it should. Maybe in a few hours when Raph or April insisted on relieving him of his post at Donnie's side he would perform it. When Leo started to nod off again, he could still swear he felt the hand he held clasped in both his own was moving. He brushed this off as wishful thinking until he felt the three thick digits lightly clasped his.
Opening his eyes and saw with delight that the hand he was holding had lightly enclosed around his. Leo's eyes immediately returned to his brothers face, at first, he still looked like he was still unconscious. But then to Leo's delight, Donnie's eyelids were showing some signs of movement.
"D," Leo said as he continued to hold the hand grasping his. Shifting closer to his brother he softly stroked his brother's cheek. "Donnie..." Slowly Donnie's mahogany brown eyes fluttered open, and to Leo that was the best thing seen in days. The reddish-brown orbs gazed dazedly around the room as he tried to assess where he was until they locked on to Leo's ocean blue ones.
"Le...o" Donnie softly said his brother's name. The sound of his younger brother's voice was enough to nearly make the leader-in-blue lose it as he felt tears threaten to spill forth from his eyes again. Hurriedly he looked away and tried to regain his composure. The action, however, hadn't gone unnoticed by the dark-eyed turtle.
"Leo...?" Donnie started to ask in concern as he struggled to sit up.
"Nothing," Leo tearfully laughed before scooped up his younger brother so that he sat up partially propped up by Leo's chest. "I'm...I'm just relieved you're awake. You have no idea how scared I was." The blue-masked turtle's arms enveloping his younger brother in a fierce embrace. "When I found you pinned under that T-frame, I was worried that I'd never be able to..." Leo paused has a sob hitched in his throat. "I was worried that I'd never be able to tell you how sorry I was...for how I've treated you."
"I heard you..." Donnie said as he settled against brothers body, taking strength from the arms that we steadfastly refusing to let him go. "I could hear everything you said to me."
"I'm sorry, Donnie." Leo tearfully "I'm sorry I never listened to you when you needed me to. I'm sorry I made you feel worthless and unwanted. I'm sorry I've never been the brother you've needed me to be."
"None of that is your fault, Leo" Donnie answered. "I couldn't have asked for a better brother than you. You're noble and caring and everything I've always wished I could be, I couldn't be prouder to stand beside you in battle as your brother and as your teammate."
"It is..." Leo paused before he gave a mirthful chuckle. "Okay, why don't we agree we both have blame to share, otherwise we probably are just going to sit here arguing about who hurt who worse for the next year. I think...I think we've already had enough disagreements. It's time...it's time that instead of saying that one way is better, we should instead combine our ideas. I need you, Donnie...I need you just as much as you need me."
"Leo..." Grateful tears filled Donnie's eyes at his brother's words.
"I think the first thing that I am going to insist that we agree on is that its time we both got some sleep." Leo said "You were injured seven hours ago, so as your leader I require you to be in recovery for the next twenty-four hour period, starting now. In the meantime, everyone else including myself will be trying to clean up what damage has been done to the lab. Then when you're recovered...I'm going to help you rebuild that T-Frame that you were dismantling."
"Rebuild it..." Donnie asked confused "but I thought you said they were too risky...that they would expose our family too much."
"That is the risk they hold," Leo agreed "That is something I'm not wrong about. But going up against larger threats without them is also dangerous. The T-Frames would give us more of an equal field in such battles."
"Okay, who are you and what have you done with Leonardo?" Donnie snarked.
"Hey," Leo said as though an idea came to his mind. "Do you think the T-Frames can be modified to incorporate our ninja skills?"
"That was something I had originally planned when I was building them," Donnie said as Leo returned him to a resting position. Leo smiled as he retucked the blanket around his brother's body.
"Let's talk more about that when you are recovered," Leo said as he settled down next to Donnie. He could no longer ignore the call of slumber as he felt his eyes drifting shut. "Sleep well...D."
"You too...Aniki."