A/N This episode is based in the seconds between when Jim sees McCoy and when he sees Edith Keeler step into the street. The Episode is The City of The Edge of Forever. Basic premise of the episode is McCoy gets a hypo of some crazy juice and goes bananas through a space portal to the 1930s, where he alters time by saving Edith Keeler's life. Knowing that Jim Kirk says he loves Edith, he does what he is duty bound to do. Set in Jim Kirk first person. Probably a one shot, like most of my stories. Part of the Triangle of Power Series, however no previous knowledge of that series is necessary. This humble author would love if you would read and review this story and her others.
A Lifetime Between Heartbeats
"Spock!" I run across the street, buoyed by the knowledge that Bones was somewhere inside that mission. We had been on the lookout for a week to find him, and the knowledge that we must stop him in order to get back to our time, to our ship. My ship. Spock stepped out of the alleyway next to the mission, having been engaged in scrounging for more parts. "What is it?"
"McCoy, he's in-" I was cut off mid sentence by the arrival of the exact person we had been looking for, probably drawn by my voice. If there is one thing I can say about these two, its that they have heard every emotion in my voice. I would recognize that lilting southern Georgian drawl of the doctor anywhere I thought as I skidded to a stop. "Bones. Bones!" He looked well, the hypo had obviously worn off.
Bones grabbed one of my arms, Spock the other. There was a gleam of relief in Spock's eyes, though he would never admit that he was feeling the relief that I felt that we had found the doctor and that he was back to himself again. "Jim!" He was as happy to see us, although there was a great deal more confusion on his part. Having been half crazy when he ran into the portal there was no doubt that he had no idea what he had been doing. I could hear Spock's low voice explaining the situation briefly. He was always so concise I thought idly as I felt a surge of happiness that we had managed to get to Bones before he altered the course of our future.
The future… our future was a future with no Edith Keeler in it, I thought bitterly as I glanced across the street to check on her. As I turned my head I could see her step off the curb towards us, her smile radiant and glowing. She was so beautiful, however was I going to let her die? Just then I saw the car and knew it was going to hit her. Before I could stop myself I had taken the first few steps towards her. Bones and Spock both grabbed me with a shocked "No Jim!". Neither of them saw the impending doom racing towards the woman I loved, they saw me about to step into the path of an oncoming car.
It was like time froze. Every molecule in my body screamed as warring thoughts froze my body's momentum. My duty was to my ship, to my crew, to my own time. My heart belonged to the woman that had not yet seen the car bearing down on her. She had made my life this past week have a color and vibrancy I had never felt from the purr of the engines on my ship. I had traveled to countless planets, seen countless beauties… and yet… and yet only this woman made my life more colorful. I felt something that I had not felt since I held David in my arms as he squalled his first angry tantrum that I knew came from my personality.
In that moment between heartbeats I lived an entire life with Edith, the smile she still wore would be the same one she wore on our wedding day, with Bones by my side as best man. I saw the mission flourishing under our combined endeavors. And I saw that our attitudes toward peace would lead to the destruction of my ship, my crew. The arms holding onto me, my best friends. They would be no more. As much as I loved Edith Keeler, in that moment every bit of duty, brotherhood, and honor I felt towards Spock and Bones froze me more surely than their firm grips would have. Another heartbeat passed, and time suddenly snapped back to regular speed.
McCoy saw her then, and even as he was holding me back from leaping into the street I grabbed him and swung him back onto the curb, preventing him from saving Edith. I couldn't watch, the sound of the car impact sent shockwaves through my body. As much as I was holding Bones back I was holding myself up. Bones was outraged, of course. He was a doctor above all others and he had always valued life with the same intensity that he lived it. "You deliberately stopped me, Jim. I could've saved her. Do you know what you just did?!" He sounded outraged, although he kept his volume to a muted and angry hiss in my ear. I couldn't answer him.
Spock had watched with very understanding and sad eyes. He knew exactly how much it had cost me. As well as he knew me, he knew the very thoughts that had stopped me. He knew that no matter how much I loved a woman, I would never betray my duty, never turn my back on my oath of service. Above all, Spock knew the depth of my loyalty to him, to Bones. His voice was rougher than normal when he answered Bones' accusations with a soft "He knows, Doctor. He knows".
The rest of the mission was a blur. The pain in my heart made me seek solitude from the crew and from Spock's too understanding eyes. I sat in my quarters and reflected bitterly on the choices I had made in the past. As Captain of the Enterprise I had never made a more bitter decision than the one to stay on that curb. In the past I had lost loves. My ex-wife had made it clear that it had been that I loved my ship and my duty more than her that had driven the wedge between us. I had seen academy flames die. But never had I felt such a connection of minds and souls as I did with Edith. The intercom buzzed, summoning me to the bridge. I took one last deep breath and held it as I put my Captain mask back on. My heartbeats slowed, and I knew that I had lost a lifetime between heartbeats to Edith Keeler.