A/N: Okay, this is my first try at Once Upon a Time fanfiction. It's a serious bummer fic. I have the whole story basically planned out, but not written yet; I wanted to see if anyone was interested in this at all. It starts out really sad, but will not end that way. If you like it, let me know, and I'll keep going.

Chapter 1

They hadn't planned it. Not even a little. But when they realized what they'd done, there was less fear than either of them would have ever guessed. It started one morning in bed. Killian woke up to find Emma staring thoughtfully at the ceiling.

"What is it, Love?" he asked rolling on his side to study her more closely, running his hand over her neck and shoulders.

She turned to face him, a somewhat perplexed look on her face. "Don't freak out, but I was just thinking about it, and I think… I might be… pregnant."

"What?" he asked in a whisper, instinctively keeping their secret. "Why do you think that?" he asked with a quiet sort of wonder; looking over her body to see if something might be visibly different.

She sighed a little, lost in thought, "Well, there are a couple of things that I can't really put my finger on. I just think I feel pregnant. It's been a long time since I was pregnant with Henry, but I think I remember this feeling." She paused, trying pull memories from a lifetime ago. She closed her eyes and moved her hand to her lower abdomen. It was at that moment that a spark lit inside of Killian and his breath caught in wonder. He was working up the nerve to reach out and place his hand on top of hers when she continued. "I was trying to think about when my last period was. Why don't I keep better track of that?" She opened her eyes to look at him, and her eyes narrowed slightly. "You're happy?" She asked, surprised, but not displeased.

He finally worked up the nerve to put his hand over hers on her stomach. "I haven't really thought about it," he started. "I mean of course I hoped we'd have one someday, but I just can't believe it." He leaned in and kissed her. "A baby," he said in awe.

A smile washed over her face. "Now don't go getting excited yet. I should take a test first."

"Are you pleased, my love?" he asked with a small prick of worry.

"I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around it honestly, but you're right, I think we both knew we were going to get here eventually. I'm just stunned that it happened now. I mean, we'll have to find someplace else to live. We can't have us, Henry, my parents and TWO babies in the loft…" She trailed off before looking him in the eye "But yeah, I'm 'pleased'." She smiled at him before leaning in for a kiss.

"Then let's go find one of those tests," he said, starting to pull himself up out of bed.

"Not quite yet." She said pulling him back down on top of her and kissing him thoroughly.

The test, of course, was positive, and the two lovers weren't able to keep the secret long. Within a week, her mother cornered them in the kitchen one night after they'd spent the whole evening quietly wrapped up in their little secret. It wasn't difficult for her to get it out of them. Honestly, they were excited to tell her.

The only problem was that once Snow knew, they were aware that they only had a short time to tell Henry before he found out through the town gossip mill. Snow would tell Red and Red would tell the whole town. When they told Henry, he took the news in stride. Like his mother, he was surprised, but also pleased.

As the town became aware, most were surprised, but no one had anything negative to say about it. They all cared for Emma and recent months had already cemented Killian's place in her life as far as the town was concerned. Not that it would have mattered to Emma or Killian. They were in their own bubble of love, mostly unaware of the fact that the whole town was watching them.

Ultimately, it was with an uncharacteristically quiet sort of joy that they moved forward, preparing for their new arrival. When she was around three months pregnant, the loft across the hall opened up. They decided that would be the perfect solution to Emma's desire to be near her parents and their need for space and privacy.

As time passed, they began to settle into their new little life together. The town had been mostly quiet for the first time since either of them had been there, and they used the reprieve to learn how to be a regular couple. They went shopping together and picked out paint samples for their new home. They were so happy that they almost forgot the lifetimes of loneliness they each carried with them.

In her second trimester, Emma's body began to change rapidly. A small bump formed low in her abdomen and as far as Killian was concerned, it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He just couldn't stop touching it. Emma teased him that he was further handicapping himself. With one hand long since lost, and the other glued to her stomach, he would have a hard time helping out at the Sheriff's station. Killian just smiled contentedly because he knew it was a small price to pay.

Once they entered the third trimester, they settled into a comfortable sort of domesticity. Emma had to pull back from work at the Sheriff's station somewhat. She was relegated to desk duty which she didn't much mind, although she found it boring. It was getting harder for her to move around. The difference between 17 and 32 was never quite as apparent to her as when she thought about all of the aches and pains she had at 32 that she didn't even remember from when she was a teenager.

She had a wonderful support system though. David had been very obliging in taking as many of the calls and patrols as he could manage while Killian did everything he could to keep her comfortable. He brought her lunch every day and rubbed her back every night. If she felt the physical pain more this time around, she certainly didn't feel the emotional pain she felt when she was pregnant with Henry. Where she had once felt lonely and abandoned, she instead felt surrounded by love. Where she once felt the heartbreak of inadequacy, she instead felt the optimism of expected parenthood. She felt ready to rise to the occasion in a way that she hadn't expected.

It was during a quiet night in her eighth month of pregnancy that it all fell apart. Killian was asleep with his head buried in her hair, and his hand placed securely on its new favorite spot. He knew as soon as he awoke that something was very wrong. Emma let out a small scream while clutching her belly on either side of his hand..

"Emma? Are you okay?" he asked stupidly as panic filled his chest. Whatever was wrong, he could tell she was not okay.

Emma started hyperventilating and crying. "The baby. Oh god. We have to go to the hospital." Making an attempt to pull herself together, she took a breath and threw back the comforter. Killian saw that everything looked normal and confusion filled him. "What's the matter, Love?" he asked trying to understand. "Is the baby coming already?" Somehow he knew it wasn't that. She was too upset.

Emma looked at him with anguish and shook her head. "I can't feel him!" she cried. Closing her eyes and concentrating as she focused all of her energy toward the baby. "He hasn't been moving tonight like he normally does, so I tried to find him with my magic, and he's not there anymore. I don't feel him!"

Dread filled Killian's heart. She'd been able to feel the baby's presence inside of her with her magic for almost as long as she'd known she was pregnant. "Are you sure, Love? Maybe you just can't focus because you're upset?" He asked a little desperately.

She looked at him like he'd just thrown her a life preserver while she was lost at sea. "Maybe!" She said and immediately closed her eyes and tried again. When she opened her eyes again, she'd lost her momentary spark. "No" she sobbed, "I don't think that's it." she curled in a protective ball around her belly, trying to keep the baby safe.

The sight of it kicked Killian into gear. "I'm going to get your parents up to drive us to the hospital so we can have the doctors take a look. I'll be back in one minute, love." With that, he kissed her and jumped out of bed. He ran out of the room. He ran down the stairs that lead to their room and ran across the hall and knocked loudly on the door. Cringing when he heard Neal start to cry.

Any annoyance on David's face melted at the sight of the beleaguered pirate. "What's wrong?" he asked with worry crossing his brow.

"Something's wrong. We have to get Emma to the hospital. Can you drive?" He got to the point quickly. He needed to get back to her.

"Let me grab my keys," David said as he was already turning back into the loft.

"I'm going to go get her!" Killian shouted over his shoulder, running back to Emma.

When he made it back to their room, he saw she was still in bed, still curled around the baby. "Emma," he said as he pulled his fingers through her hair. ""Your father's going to take us to the hospital. Can you get up, Love?"

The look of anguish she leveled him with was enough to knock him to the ground. "He's gone Killian. He's gone."

"Let me help you," he said reaching for her. He put one arm under her knees and the other behind her shoulders and picked her up. "Let's go to the hospital and see what the doctors say. Maybe it's not what you think." He needed to believe that there was hope so he could stay strong for her. During the last 8 months modern medicine had become a lifeline to him as it constantly eased his worries over even the most minute details of this pregnancy. She stayed silent as he carried down the stairs.

As he walked back out of the loft, he saw Mary Margaret standing in the hall. "David's bringing the truck around," she said.

Killian thanked her as he ran by.

The drive to the hospital felt too quiet after the flurry of activity it took to get there. The only sound was Emma's quiet sobs into his neck.

"What happened?" David finally broke the silence.

Killian was rubbing his hand over Emma's arms and body, rocking her slightly and hoping to god he was offering some kind of comfort to her. "I don't know, she just woke up like this." He said as he began to make little shushing noises into her hair. Trying desperately to hold himself together.

"I can't feel the baby," Emma said into Killian's chest. "I've always been able to feel him. I think he's gone."

The words were enough to push Killian over the edge and he began to cry silently into her hair. David clenched his jaw and drove a little faster.

When they arrived at the hospital, Killian had to be shaken to his senses before he remembered to put Emma on the bed. Somehow it felt like if he just kept holding her, none of the things that were ahead for them that night could come.

When the doctor entered the room, Killian was relieved to see that it wasn't Dr. Whale. He didn't want Emma to have to deal with Dr. Whale's questionable bedside manner, but it sometimes felt like he was the only doctor in town.

This doctor was a woman, Killian wasn't listening when she told them her name. She was very gentle when she spoke to Emma. She quickly pulled out the ultrasound equipment began her examination. After 5 minutes of silence, she looked genuinely remorseful when she told them there was nothing to be done. "I'm sorry, Emma. I there's no heartbeat. He's gone."

Emma let out a sob and Killian lost his ability to control himself as the finality of the statement passed over him. He cried and pushed his face into Emma's hair. Hugging her as close as he could while not actually crawling in bed with her. He'd known how this would go since Emma had first said it. He knew better than to ignore her magic. But there had been the smallest hope inside of him that the answers laid in science which sometimes seemed even more powerful than magic in this realm.

"Why did this happen?" He heard Emma ask before the question had even occurred to him.

The doctor sighed sympathetically. "There are a lot of reasons why this can happen. It's hard to say what the reason is now. We'll examine the baby once you've delivered and hopefully we'll have some answers for you then."

Emma gave an agonized cry and held her stomach. "No," Emma protested though she knew it was futile. "I can't go through labor."

"Emma, I'm sorry, but there's no other way. We have to get the baby out of you." The doctor was gentle, but firm.

"I can't do it," Emma sobbed. "I need my Mom." As if on cue, Mary Margaret ran through the doors.

"Ruby gave me a ride. Granny's watching Neal. What can I do to help?" She asked, getting straight to business.

"I think Emma needs you to hold her hand, we're going to admit her to the hospital and induce labor," the doctor told Mary Margaret while giving her a meaningful look.

"Okay Emma, I'm right here," Mary Margaret said in a soothing tone and she lifted her daughter's arm and twined their hands together.

Killian was already holding the other hand, but following Mary Margaret's lead, he leaned in closer. "We're all right here with you Love." He said, kissing her temple.

"Do you want me to send the anesthesiologist in to give you an epidural?" the doctor asked.

"No," Emma said firmly. "It's my pain, and I'll feel it."

"Okay Emma, this could take up to 24 hours, sometimes longer. I'll send a nurse in to start your IVs." With that, the doctor exited the room. With the doctor gone, and only her family around her, Emma fell back into a the bed and just wept.

Mercifully, it didn't take 24 hours for her delivery to progress. They gave her the medication at around 11 PM and she was in active labor about 5 hours later. They all barely said a word while they waited. Killian and Snow each held one of her hands while David stood watching like a silent sentinel.

When the doctor said it was time to push Emma broke down. "Please," she begged, "I can't do it."

Killian knew that he had to step up. She needed him to help her be strong. He kissed the side of her head and wished he had a second hand to wipe her tears. "It's okay, Love. I'm here for you. Every part of me belongs to you. Take my strength and all of my love now."

Snow reached up and wiped her tears. "We've got you Emma and you can get through this." They held Emma's hands as a contraction hit her hard.

"Okay, push Emma," the doctor said while waiting to catch the baby. "Good girl," she said as Emma bore down.

"You're doing good," Said Mary Margaret.

A quiet "I love you," whispered in her ear was all Killian could muster.

Much before any of them were ready for it, the doctor was holding the tiny baby in her hands. "It's a little boy Emma. I'm sorry, he's not breathing. Would you like to see him?" she asked gently.

"Yes please," Emma said, sounding like there was no fight left in her at all. The doctor wrapped up the little baby and placed him on Emma's chest and Killian was astounded by how beautiful he was. His small face was serene, like a sleeping angel.

"He's perfect," Emma said while counting his fingers and toes. "He looks like he should have been fine. Why did this happen? Was it me?" she asked, finally tearing her eyes away from her dead son.

The doctor held up a piece of the umbilical cord. Killian's stomach twisted as he saw a small knot. "The baby must a wriggled around in a way that he tied a knot in his cord. When the knot tightened I would have cut off his oxygen. It was quick and he probably didn't feel any pain. It would be just like falling asleep." She paused and looked and Killian and Emma, "I know this is hard, but there's nothing you could have done to prevent this. It's not genetic, It's not an infection. It's just bad luck."

When Emma just looked back at the baby without saying anything, the doctor went back to working on Emma and moving around the room.

"When Henry was born, I didn't hold him," Emma said quietly. "I knew if I held him, I'd never be able to let him go." She laid her hand across the baby and touched his small lips. He was so small. "How do I let this one go?" She asked no one and everyone. That was all Mary Margaret could handle. A sob burst out of her chest as she hugged her daughter fiercely.

Killian had been leaning quietly next to Emma the whole time. His attention alternately focused on the heartbreak that was radiating off of his love and thinking about what a fine lad they would have had.

All at once Emma seemed to reign herself in. She moved back behind the walls he'd once hoped to never see again. He was grateful for them now if they helped her go on from this terrible moment. She looked at the doctor. "I'm ready," was all she said and the doctor came and took the baby from his place on her chest. "I'd like to go home now." She made it a statement, but Killian could hear the slight lilt of a plea behind it.

"We'd rather you stay the night Emma," the doctor said, but seeing that Emma was about to protest, held up a hand. "Medically, you should be okay to go home, but you'll be bleeding pretty heavily for the next several days. I'll get you some maternity pads."

Killian could see the gratitude in Emma's eyes. Before they flickered with another flash of anguish. "What'll you do with him?" she asked quietly.

The doctor spoke gently, almost like she was speaking to the baby himself. "We'll take him and get him cleaned up. Then we'll wrap him up and the funeral parlor will come to take him. They'll take care of him and call you tomorrow." Killian could hear the promise behind the words. We've got him, she was saying. "Does he have a name?" the doctor asked gently. They hadn't discussed names yet. Emma said they had to wait until they met him so they'd know what he was like. Killian felt all of the anguish of that. They'd never know.

"Liam," Killian said after he could see Emma struggling. "After my brother." He touched his hand to Emma's cheek. "That way, if there's an afterlife, my brother will know he's family and look out for him."

Emma nodded. "Liam Jones," She agreed.

The ride home was silent. The sun was already shining through the trees at the edge of town. It had taken a couple hours to get Emma discharged and they were all exhausted and emotionally drained. Killian could tell that Emma was only keeping herself moving out of pure force of will.

When they arrived home, Granny was waiting out in the hall for them. She pulled them each in for a short hug before heading out. Granny wasn't one for sentimentality, and in that moment Killian appreciated it. He didn't think he or Emma could take much more emotion that night.

Snow held her daughter for just a moment and rocked her gently back and forth. "Do you want me to come stay with you?" she asked gently into Emma's hair.

"No thanks, Mom. I think I just need some time alone. To process." With that, she turned to give David a hug. Drawing strength in from both of her parents.

Killian was somewhat startled when Snow pulled him in for a hug. "I'm sorry for your loss, Killian," She said quietly. "Thank you for being there for her tonight." She touched the side of his face and Killian was taken aback by the maternal way she was looking at him. This woman was physically the same age as him and actually about 200 years his junior, but in that moment, she was giving Killian something he really needed. It had been a very long time since he'd had a mother.

They were turning to go back into their apartment when David clasped his hand on Killian's shoulder and pulled him in for a quick, slightly awkward, embrace. "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but you're a good guy Killian and you're good to my daughter."

With that, the two parties separated. Emma was walking painfully slowly through the dark apartment and Killian wanted to lift her up. He was sure that every step was agony on her sore body. When they reached the base of the steep stairs that led to their room, she stopped. Her pride taking a backseat. "Can you help me Killian?" she asked and he was at her side in an instant.

It wasn't graceful, but he got them up the stairs. He placed Emma on the bed, grateful that she'd already showered at the hospital and could go right to sleep. He looked down and her and pushed the hair off of her forehead. "Do you want me to go?" he asked quietly and with an ease he didn't feel.

Emma's brow furrowed. "No. Why?" she asked, clearly surprised.

"You told your mother that you wanted to be alone," he said quietly, not quite meeting her eyes.

Emma put her hand on his cheek and pulled his face up to look at her. "Alone with you," was all she said. She slid over in the bed and rolled onto her side. "Please just hold me for a while Killian." Not needing to be asked twice, Killian slid in behind her, realizing for the first time all night that he'd been out in public in his pajamas and without even his hook for protection.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her and at the same time, they both realized that his new favorite spot wasn't there anymore. The bump was gone. The baby was gone. The future that had been so sure just a few hours ago was gone. They cried together in the darkness of their bedroom for all they had lost that night.

Okay, that was Chapter 1. Sorry for the super angst. It's just been in my head forever. I had to get it out.