Berlola: A soviet Cinderella story
(If you are insulted, I am sorry. This is an over-the-top satire of Vladimir Putin's rule of Russia. It's pretty short.)
Once, not too long ago, (I think it might have been just last year) there was a beautiful girl who lived in Russia named Berlola. She lived with her wicked stepsisters and wicked stepmother, who made her toil day and night cleaning their collection of guns. She put grease on them so heavily, that it covered her face making her much less beautiful. One day Vladimir Putin called together all of the Kingpins in Russia. "I killed my last wife," Putin said. "And I need a new one. Kidnap all of the beautiful women in the land and I shall chose from one of them." So on one night the mob kidnapped all the women in the land. All but Berlola, because the grease covered her face. When she woke up, she discovered that her stepsister was gone, but the mob left a notice. Putin wants to see if this woman is right to be his bride, it said. "Oh how I wish I could go and have a chance to be Putin's wife," she mourned. "He's a very rich and powerful man." So she sadly went downstairs and cleaned the guns. When she was cleaning, she noticed something that wasn't there before. A box. "What is this?" she thought. From father to my dear daughter Berlola, it read. When you need it most. She opened it and oh! To her surprise! A hammer and sickle were inside it! She held them up, saying, "I wish I could go to the choosing." Then she was dressed in a beautiful red and golden dress, and clean of all the grease. At this time, Putin viewed all of the women, thinking, "Not one is good enough." Then the powers of the hammer and sickle transported Berlola into his house where he was viewing the women. His reaction was instant. "What's your name, perfect bride?" he asked. She remembered that her stepmother would notice she was gone and nervously ran. She dropped the hammer and sickle, removing her dress. Putin took the Hammer and Sickle and examined the fingerprints. Soon he kidnapped all the women, beautiful or not, (even poor Berlola) and examined their fingerprints. He found that only Berlola had the perfect match. Putin went up to her and asked, "Hold up the hammer and sickle, and from the symbol of our nation!" She was nervous, but she did such. When she held them up, the transformation happened. She was no longer Berlola, soviet gun-cleaner. She was Berlola, the spitting image of mother Russia! Putin recognized her and yelled, "I've found my love at last!" They were happily married, but he soon got bored of her and hired a hitman, starting the whole damn cycle all over again. To this day, only god has kept track of all the Berlolas that have come and gone under Putin's Rule.
THE END
(Sorry about the ending, but it's a satire, what did you expect?)