Archive: Dolphin Haven. Or ask perhaps...
Feedback: What's that? Oh, that. By all means.
Author's notes: Well, well. A sequel to a story I never thought I would write a sequel to. This one's a continuation of "Suicide is painless", set a few years later down the line. Blame and thanks goes to Autumn for making me think it was possible...and as always I steal a title from a song..."The Space" by Marillion.
Warning: A very sad little story
Logan POV
She's been dead for several years now. I know I should let go and accept that fact and not constantly try to think of ways and things I could have done to prevent it. But I can't. Not entirely. Or not at all to be blunt.
She's always on my mind in one way or the other. No matter if I'm awake or sleeping either. How alive she used to be, how she smelled, how she smiled, how her eyes glistened, the look of her white strands, her sweetness, her kindness. Everything. But I can't no longer remember the whole picture, just the details with no ability to put the pieces together into a whole picture. A way of coping? Maybe so but I wish it wasn't like that. I want to remember Marie the way she was all in all.
"The space around the stars
Is something that you know
A billion miles of darkness
Left you feeling low"
I can't help to think that phrase is very fitting. It was written in Marie's diary, in several places. I know I shouldn't have read it, it's private and even in death some things should remain that way. My only defense is that I had to see if there was some clue in there of why she did it.
There wasn't, except that poem. I'm no shrink or anything but a desperate scream for help if I ever heard one. A scream she didn't know how to say out loud. A scream no one heard. Not until it was too late.
The poem is fitting for me too, now more than ever. Darkness will claim us all sooner or later but her death has made me think it already has claimed me. There's only darkness left in my heart now, nothing to bring joy anymore. I don't live. I only exist and fight for the X-men, more out of habit than anything else. Not even the adrenaline rush of kicking Creed's ass do anything for me anymore.
I have no tears left to cry. I've never cried much except when it comes to her and even those have dried out. Not that I don't want to, I really do. But it's not possible anymore. The tears just won't come. But well, I've come to a decision.
I will leave this place. I don't know why I've stuck around for so long really. I was a loner before I met her and I'm a loner now and this place only drags out very sad memories of a girl I cared deeply about. More deeply than anyone else ever before.
I say my goodbyes and everyone understands and assures me that if I ever want to come back the door will always be open. As I walk through the front gates for the last time I think I hear a sweet voice somewhere.
"You runnin' again?"
Oh yeah. That's what I do best. Running from my own personal demons and now from more memories that will haunt me forever more.