Title: Little Death (The Things That Give You Away)
Author: Nat
Summary: And at that moment Kate doesn't want to lie to him because maybe out of everyone she thinks that he might understand
Fandom: Sea Patrol
Pairing: Buffer/The X, hints of Mike/Kate
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Takedown
Disclaimer: Totally not mine
A/N: This is my guilty pleasure. I've had this weird Buffer/Kate thing since the start of the second season where Kate got them out of that really nasty situation, and Buffer seemed to have a great deal of respect for her because of it, since then i love the little teasing moments they have. they are few and far between but I'm absolutely intrigued by them.

---

It was late into the night when Kate found herself walking the back deck. The adrenaline from earlier in the day drained from her, leaving only traces of exhaustion. Nav was in their room sleeping soundly, the day taking its toll on her and even though Nav had seen combat situations, Kate doubts that she's ever been involved in one directly.

But Kate's not as experienced as she likes to think either. She's trained in hostage situations and seen maybe one or two from the other side of the fence but has never been the hostage. However that's not really the problem. The problem is that this is the first time that Kate's had her own gun drawn on her and she's more trouble by this than she ever thought she would be.

The night air is still warm and the slight breeze ruffles the few strands of hair Kate missed while pulling it back into a hurried ponytail, but all Kate can feel is a slight pressure on the back of her rib cage, almost as if the muzzle of her gun is still pressed tightly against her skin. She knows it's all in her head, but for the life of her she can't make it stop.

They don't teach you about this in the Defence Force Academy, Kate thinks. (The sickening feeling of your own weapon poking against your body, the muzzle pressed so close you know if it had been recently fired it would burn through your clothes and skin).

Touching a finger to her side, Kate all but sighs. Sleep will not come easy now.

But Kate doesn't have time to think on that as she hears the telltale thump of boots on deck, and soon after Buffer comes into view. Kate lets herself relax a little more because out of everyone on this boat at the moment she thinks that maybe she would enjoy his company right now.

"Hey X, didn't think anyone was still up." He looks caught off guard and secretly she likes that.

Kate smiles tiredly up at him, "Can't sleep."

Buffer nods then, "Too much excitement for one day."

Her smile fades then and Kate can't help it, an instant reaction to the thoughts that come racing back to her and that familiar pressure behind her ribs.

She feels movement beside her and when Kate looks over, Buffer is sitting down next to her and looking directly back at her, like maybe he can see the fear in her.

"So what's the real reason you're still up, X?"

And at that moment Kate doesn't want to lie to him because maybe out of everyone she thinks that he might understand. Over the months that Kate's been stationed on the Hammersley she likes to think that they've built up some kind of friendship; or maybe more a mutual respect, and now she wouldn't want anyone else but Buffer to cover her back.

Still she takes her time, trying some-what to choose her words carefully, because after all Buffer is a lower rank than her and if this whole 'mutual respect' thing is all in Kate's head then her words could be more damaging to herself. But then Kate looks up at him and Buffer's staring at her unflinchingly, his eyes warm and dark and that convinces her it's not really in her head and he's genuinely concerned about her and that… that makes her feel like opening doors she shouldn't even be looking behind.

"It's…" Kate begins, but the words get lodged in her throat and this shouldn't be really bothering her this much, but it is and Kate struggles to keep all the mixed emotions over today locked inside her chest. Kate's eyes burn a little and she can pretend it's still from the tear gas all she wants but she knows it's a lie.

All the muscles in Kate's body tense for a split second and then she relaxes completely.

"It's the first time my weapon has been drawn on me." Kate draws it out slowly, the relief of the words seeping out with them until all she can feel is an overwhelming exhaustion with bits of guilt frayed around the edges.

Kate looks back up at Buffer briefly and tries to read the expression on his face or the look in his eyes, but she can't. In combat situations Kate can read every nuisance that filters across his face and anticipate his actions, but this, this is personal ground they're treading on and it's all foreign to her. Kate's never been the one to lean on other people and she's not trying to start now, but everything has been slowly shifting since she got stationed on Hammersley and Kate finds herself, for the first time in a long time, enjoying the company of a tight nit group of people.

Silence stretches out between them until Kate feels Buffer shift besides her and when she looks back at him he's facing her directly, his legs straddling the metal they are sitting on.

"X, you did good today. This wasn't your fault."

Kate frowns slowly, "I didn't say-"

"You didn't have too," Buffer cuts her off.

Kate stares at him incredulously, because in some twisted way she knows he's right and she feels the familiar tightening in her chest. Guilt. Kate can't help it, it's there in her chest, knotting up till she can't breathe. Covering her eyes with a hand, Kate lets out a shaky breath.

She feels Buffer's hand on her shoulder. It's a small gesture, but for them, it means more to her than anything he could have said. He's so close now, closer than Kate thinks she's ever been to him and it's such a comfort, the way he's trying to help her and reassure her and there is only one other person that has done that for her in her life before. Kate has to think that maybe the universe had a perverse sense of humour, because he's currently serving on this boat as well.

Buffer's hand moves from her shoulder, his finger tips sliding down the length of her spine and for some reason Kate finds it oddly comforting, even though she can count the amount of times Buffer has touched her on one hand. Perhaps it's because it's the way a parent would console a child (though the way you feel about him in that moment has nothing to do with parental feelings).

Closing her eyes Kate takes a deep breath, because this is entirely unexpected. Kate should pull away, she knows it, but for the life of her she can't. For once Kate just wants to sit in the company of someone and remind herself of anything but the events of today and even though Buffer might not know it, he's doing remarkable things to calm Kate's nerves.

Then Kate thinks about entirely inappropriate things, like how she could get used to this, having Buffer around to talk to after a long day, having him touch her, his fingertips so warm even through her clothes. But Kate knows all those thoughts are in vain, because it could never work, they both love the Navy to much to jeopardise their careers.

But still.

Kate opens her eyes, turning to look at Buffer, his fingers still tracing idle patterns on the small of her back, wanting to tell him how much this moment means to her but Kate can't really find the words. Because at this point words seem trivial. Instead Kate moves her right hand till the back of her knuckles come in contact with the inside of Buffer's knee and Kate catches the material of his uniform between her fingers, clinging to the fabric softly.

Buffer smiles at her gently then, just the tiny curving of his lips, and it looks almost sad somehow. It would be so easy for her in this moment, to just lean over and press her lips to his, but somehow Kate manages to keep some resemblance of self control and it must show because Buffer is nodding his head slightly and he still has that sad smile on his lips.

His hand makes one last gentle sweep over the small of her back, then he stands, his fingers reaching out and delicately tucking a slice of hair behind her ear.

"Try and get some rest X," His voice is quiet and Kate is filled with the overwhelming urge to reach out to him. But he's moving away before Kate can, which is probably best for both of them.

Buffer doesn't look back after that, and as Kate watches him disappear from view something catches her eye from one of the higher decks and she looks up just in time to make eye contact with Mike. Suddenly Kate goes absolutely still. His face is unreadable, and his eyes are only on her for a heartbeat, but in that brief instant Kate knows he's been standing there for far too long. Has seen too much.

Kate can feel panic start to swell within her and can automatically sense her defences start to rise because nothing is going on between her and Buffer, and Kate doesn't want an almost moment between them to stain either of their careers. But in that moment, a part of her that had to sit by and watch Mike fawn all over Ursula, feels a tiny sense of victory knowing that he has watched her with another man.

Suddenly Mike turns and leaves. Kate assumes he's heading back to the bridge, and Kate knows she needs to go after him to explain everything he's just seen. Her rational side is screaming at her that she needs to go now, to warn off any misgivings he has (because really your relationship is still on shaky grounds with him and you seem to have good days and bad days), but as she hauls herself to her feet, Kate suddenly feels overwhelmingly tired; the days events bearing down on her as exhaustion kicks in.

Kate feels almost drunk with her tiredness, grabbing onto the railing in the vicinity to hold to keep her steady. Taking one, two deep breaths, Kate pushes away from the railing starting the journey back to her cabin on autopilot. Once Kate gets there, she settles into her bunk trying not to disturb Nav and just as Kate drifts off she feels that phantom touch again at the back of her ribs.

This time though, it's soft and gentle, like the feeling of Buffer's fingertips.

---

Kate's really not sure what she expected to happen in the morning. She knows she expected Mike to call her into his cabin and remind her of fraternisation rules and grill her about her relationship with Buffer. Kate knows she expected Buffer to avoid her completely, or at least come and apologise saying he was completely out of line.

But nothing happened.

Kate takes her seat next to Buffer during breakfast and laughs at his and Spida's antics, and like normal Buffer shares part of his orange with her. Leaving the Galley, Kate moves to the morning debrief with Mike and as per routine they share a cup of coffee while going over the day's weather forecasts and some of the training drills he wants her to run through with the crew.

Later on when Kate's up on deck on her own, she's left to wonder if yesterday happened, or for some reason her mind made the whole thing up.

fin