A/N: Long time no see, right?! Oh well, I'm back now. For the past month my creativity has been killed by writers block. But last night a source struck me with sudden inspiration and... voilà! I hope it's good and I hope it makes sense... I wrote it from 12AM to 2AM and then edited this morning so please let me know if you catch any mistakes or it just doesn't make sense. The quotes/dialogue from the airplane scene should be correct. Again, it'd be great to let me know if anything's wrong and I'll do my best to fix it. This fic is an AU in which Lisbon moves to DC and gets in a car crash. Anyway, enjoy (hopefully)!
The heart monitor carried the steady beat of a cacophonous hospital symphony. Like revealing the skeleton of a musical piece the sections were slowly stripped away, jangling tools and monotone hums faded, exposing the bass: the beat of her heart. The constant reminder that she was there, that she had not passed. The sterile air hung in suspense; a grand pause, before the finale, at last, arose; a fortissimo of emotion and chaos—"Where is she? You don't understand. I need her. I need to see her."- before giving way to a clattered silence.
There she was, Teresa Lisbon, his favorite person in the whole world. Broken. But breathing. He let out a sigh. The rise and fall of her chest was present, familiar and strong. Like her.
"Sir, you can't be in here."
"I don't care." Patrick Jane's eyes were a stormy blue. He would not leave Lisbon's side. Once, he'd made the stupid mistake of letting her go. Every day was hell without her. He couldn't let it happen again.
"It's hospital policy, I'm sorry."
An unmistakable sadness clouded Jane's eyes. "I can't do it. I can't leave her."
Maybe the nurse could see it; maybe she could feel it, the desperateness that dripped from Jane's words, the utter guilt, the voice of a shattered man. And oh, how he was. Shattered. The moment Lisbon stepped on that plane to DC he cracked. An earthquake tore apart his heart. He was idiot for letting her go, an idiot for not saying how he felt, for not saying that he loved her. But rejection was too plausible. His heart was too raw, too guarded. Fear had paralyzed the blond. Maybe the nurse could hear the feeble beat of his own fractured heart. Maybe the nurse was simply weary and tired of fighting a battle Jane refused to lose. Regardless, she finally gave in.
"I'll allow visitors but keep it to one, two at most, at a time. Be gentle and alert a nurse if anything goes wrong."
Jane nodded diligently, these were rules that, for once, he would follow. Without thinking he hugged the nurse tightly, taking the older woman by surprise.
"Thank you so much, Debby," he whispered after glancing at her name tag.
The woman nodded, "If you love her you should let her know."
Then she was gone, stalking down the halls toward her next room.
Finally, Jane had a chance to look at Lisbon. Even in her pained state she was breathtakingly beautiful. His breath caught in his throat and Jane could hardly breathe. She looked so small, so vulnerable in the hospital bed, drowning in a sea of white; suffering silently. The way she always did. Jane wished he could take off her burdens and whisper away her fears. He wanted to hold her hand and stoke her hair and press his lips to hers. He wished he could wipe away her tears and chase away her nightmares. The brunette put on a brave face and mutely fought the demons of her past. She was at war with herself. Jane wanted to battle by her side. But mostly he just wanted her; vivacious and well, smiling and laughing. If the only way for this happen was with Pike then so be it. It wasn't about Jane; it was about Lisbon. Her happiness was the only thing that concerned him. She was happy, right?
Of course she is. Jane's mind cried. Otherwise Lisbon wouldn't have left. But a sliver of blind optimism nagged in the back of his mind: she'd declined Pike's proposal, said she wanted to take things slower, she'd call Jane on the phone at least every other day. At first he'd been so hurt by Lisbon moving to DC that he refused to move from his bedroom. He often made out the quiet drone of his phone ringing. Jane dismissed it as the FBI, maybe Cho or Abbott, Fischer even. Maybe Grace or Wayne. But he didn't want to talk to them, not with their voices reminding him of her.
One day the whine wouldn't stop. It nearly drove him mad. Jane emerged from the back of his trailer for the first time in days. He was about to hurl his phone against the wall when a familiar name caught his eye, and a picture of her wearing a smile so bright it could have powered New York City.
His fingers scrambled for the answer button.
"Hello?"
"Jane! Why haven't you been answering? I've been worried sick."
Her voice. His heart leapt.
Just like that they began talking with ease again, slipping into normal banters and playful teasing. They spoke on the phone so often that Jane found the strength to be okay or at least pretend he was. Their conversations made him miss the agent even more but at least now, he could tolerate the long, lonely days.
Jane was torn back to reality when Debby returned. She carried a chair and set it next to Lisbon's bed.
With a knowing look she faced Jane, "I'm not saying you should," her eyes twinkled, "but if you wanted to, you could sit next to your girl and tell her how you feel. Ms. Lisbon has been under anesthesia. It differs between patients-sometimes they can hear you. It's worth a try but Mr. Boyfriend," she rolled her eyes, "out there will probably be in soon."
For the second time within thirty minutes Jane felt a rush of gratitude toward the nurse. She winked at him before disappearing out the door, a grin on her lips.
Jane took a seat beside the bed. He held Lisbon's pale hand in his. She felt cold and tired like her body was struggling to keep up with life. It was funny, how even now in one of her weakest moments she was the one breathing life into him, giving him courage. Jane squeezed her hand tighter, noting the creases and callouses from years of battling evil and seeking justice.
"Hey Lisbon, it's good to see you again. I mean not like this. I wish it were under better circumstances," he stumbled over his words. "But still, I've missed you so much. I can't describe how hard it is to get through every day without you." Tears slid down his cheeks in messy tracks. "I'm really glad that you're okay and I hope you wake up soon. As soon as I heard about the car crash I caught the first plane to DC. I don't even remember if I turned out the lights in my airstream," he laughed. "Look, I umm, this is, I'm not sure how to put it but, I just wanted to tell you that I lo-"
Just then the door creaked open, Jane scrambled to release her hand as his eyes landed on Pike. Jane hastily wiped his tears away.
"Jane." Pike stated simply.
"Pike." You've done a nice job keeping her safe. The former consultant wanted to add sarcastically. But he was here for Lisbon, not himself or Pike and starting a fight would not change the fact that his best friend was lying in a hospital bed.
Pike shifted on his feet and his jaw tensed. "You can umm finishing talking to her if you want."
Jane shook his head. He was too late, again. "I'll just be outside."
He hung his head and shuffled out the door. The blond collapsed into a chair outside the room. His head dropped between his hands as a choked sob materialized from his lips. He was a coward. The word repeated over and over in his head. A coward and an idiot. What a nice group of names he was gathering. Jane let out a strangled laugh.
He heard the nurse's familiar footsteps.
"What are you doing out here, Cupid?" She asked with real concern.
Jane groaned internally, what was with the nosey staff here? He ran his hand through his curls.
"I don't know… It's too late." His gaze shifted to the ground.
"Look at me, just for a second," she instructed gently, "it is not too late. You are still here. Genuine love is a rare thing and in my many years I haven't seen it often. But you two have something special. I see it in the way you look at her. Sometimes love is worth risking our hearts for, this is one of those times."
Jane nodded slowly, his heart already overpowering his mind.
"So, go on. Take the chance, be courageous. I'm sure that guy will be out of there soon. He cares for her but not the way you do."
The door swung open and Pike stepped out. "I'm going to go grab some coffee from the café down the street. You want anything?"
"No, thank you," Jane answered and Pike slide into the elevator.
Debby nudged Jane up, "Now's your chance. You'll be fine." She smiled reassuringly.
Jane's hand lingered on the doorknob. "Thank you," he whispered to the nurse before he slipped behind the piece of wood.
…
One look at the woman he loved and Jane knew he couldn't let her go. He couldn't lose her.
"I, uh, don't really know how to say this…"
Meanwhile Lisbon's mind was caught up in reminiscences, dreaming of the day she left for DC. The day she left Jane. Her head twisted the day, materializing a scenario in which Jane asked her to stay.
Lisbon sat in her seat, hands clasped tightly in her lap. She wished the damn plane would just leave already because her mind was playing tricks and her heart was aching. She just needed to get away before she did something stupid. She heard his voice, "There you are!"
No. He couldn't be here. But he was.
Lisbon's voice shook, "What are you doing here?"
"I have something I need to say." He began.
She couldn't handle this, not now. "I don't want to see you, go away."
"You're right—I have forgotten how to act like a normal human being. And I play games, I lie and I trick people, to avoid the truth of how I feel.
"And the idea of letting anyone close to me is terrifying for obvious reasons."
Her eyes watered and she held his gaze.
Jane shifted and laid his hand on top of hers.
"But the truth, Teresa, is that I can't imagine waking up, knowing that I won't see you."
As cliché as it sounded the entire plane just faded into the white noise of life. Her bottom lip began to quiver and her eyes shone with sadness on the surface but below were a swirl of deep longing and love.
"The truth is… I love you." Jane didn't bother pushing away the tears that pooled over. Suddenly he was filled with an enormous sense of relief. He had done it.
"Woo… you can't imagine how good that feels to say out loud, but it scares me, and it is the truth. It is the truth of what I feel."
Lisbon's voice cracked as she spoke, the words broke her heart, "It's too late. Jane, it's too late."
"Maybe. Maybe, and I understand. That's okay. I needed to get to this and you deserve to hear it."
Their false sense of solitude was interrupted by the TSA agents as they stormed in.
"Put your hands in the air, right now. Do it."
Jane looked at her porcelain sleeping figure, if his eyes hadn't been so clouded with tears he might have noticed her legs pull closer to her chest as her body gradually regained consciousness. He ran his thumb along the top of her hand.
"You deserve to hear it. I love you, Teresa. And it makes me happy to be able to say that to you."
The TSA agents pulled Jane toward the exit, he didn't fight it. Just looked down the aisle and yelled, "I love her. That woman in 12B, I love her. You take care of her!"
It only took a minute for her to recover from the stunned silence and a couple of seconds to realize that it wasn't too late.
"I need to find him."
"Where is he?" Lisbon murmured sleepily, her eyes remained closed.
Jane's gut twisted. Pike. She was asking for him. Jane stood up and untangled his fingers from hers as his cheeks grew red and his eyes watered. The blond pressed his fingertips against the cool steel of the doorknob. With one last mournful look behind him, Jane tearfully pulled the metal down. Lisbon's eyes blinked open and she struggled to squint against the harsh light. The setting was unfamiliar. Lisbon felt her head spin as she pressed a palm to her forehead. All she knew was Jane's hand was missing from hers.
"Wait…" She whispered.
Jane shoulders hunched as he turned around and looked at her.
"Where are you going?" She added, her voice stronger
"To, uhh, get Pike. You were asking for him."
Lisbon shook her head and closed her eyes, "No. I was asking for you."
Jane's eyebrows rose, "M-me?" it came out as in incredulous laugh. His eyes crinkled and he smiled at her like she was the only person that mattered. He made his way beside her bed.
The petite brunette looked up at Jane and nodded shyly while rubbing her eyes. "You're here…," she whispered.
"Yeah and I, um, I don't really plan on leaving any time soon if that's okay with you."
"That's more than fine. Did you mean what you said?"
It didn't take Jane long to figure out what she meant. She had heard him, she knew.
"Yes, I did." Jane assured her.
"Good."
"I meant what I said, every word of it."
"Good… because I feel the same way." Her lips fell into a smile; Jane didn't realize how much he missed her until now.
"Well that's lucky," He grinned, "What about Pike?"
"He'll understand." Lisbon shrugged, "Say it again."
"Say what again?"
Suddenly the distance between them was far too wide. Jane leaned in to fill the gap and diminish the space. His right hand found her chin and guided it towards him. With closed eyes their lips met and everything felt okay. The past didn't matter now that they had each other. They pulled apart slowly, neither wanting to let go. Lisbon beamed and looked into Jane's eyes. Her gaze was so earnest, so hopeful. Jane was overwhelmed by the flood of affection he felt for the women lying in front of him. She was beautiful and he was lucky, so very, very lucky.
A/N: Thank you for reading, let me know what you thought!