I stared at the open starry sky and watched as a lone maple leaf dropped from a tree.
It was this time of the year again, isn't it? Probably the only time of the year I brave a visit. There were chortles, laughter and cheers. Clad in Halloween costumes, there were children with their peers. Roaming the streets, they exchanged candies sweets and treats. I averted. I can't bear to be reminded, so I focused on my feet as it took a step in the sidewalk steep. Lined in carved pumpkins, my heart thud a leapt a heavy beat. No, I chastised myself. I can't back out now, like a bird in its scarecrow. Because this time, I'll ask you again for your answer years ago.
Find Her.
Find who? Was her name Her? I've asked that countless times, and still countless times you haven't replied. On nights when sleep avoided me so, my mind would drift to what was the purpose of finding Her. Should I bring Her to you? Do you and Her know each other? Should I inform Her of you? I am confused where and who Her is. You haven't given me a single clue because you just left me out of the blue. But here I am; to our annual Halloween meeting, I did not defer, to ask again. What do you mean when you said, Find Her?
Are you perhaps asking me to replace you with this person called Her? I know that I should be angry, livid even, but I cannot muster enough fury as hot as an oven. Oven. I chuckled despite myself, despite wallowing with Halloween hurt as I recount those days this time of the year. I still remember that time, you've baked me pies, cookies, all kinds of pumpkin pastries. I remember how you hold my hand so tight so as not to get lost in a crowded night. You'll turn to me and smile, smile like a sweet treat I got from my trick or treat.
Gramps said you were the daughter he never had. And I know that he has been the father you never had. You and he both have the very same kind smile, warm eyes, stern yet caring attitude. And if the years have been kinder to Gramps, both of you will share the very same sunlit-shade hair. I managed a small smile at the memories. Maybe this is a sign, a good sign that you'll finally give me an answer to my queries.
On the corner of my vision, I saw a house. Colored in black, the porch is decorated with a fake mouse. Paper bats and toy witches floated above the fences and garden grasses. But despite the gaudy disguise, I still recognized it. It was your neighbor's house. This is the landmark. I moved towards the lot beside it, the place you've housed this many, many years that to me, felt like a century.
Magnolia Cemetery
A graveyard is your house. I stopped from my tracks and for the briefest millisecond; in my chest, I felt the stinging sensation of pain and hesitation. I still can't bring myself to see you, or the concrete stone that represents you. Should I greet you a Happy Halloween? Or carve you a little big pumpkin? Because I know that this is your favorite holiday. Am I perhaps just in disarray?
"I am sorry for I have not brought even a single rose…" I said, bracing myself for the turbulent emotion and torture that was sure to cause a commotion. I stepped, passing the black gates and trudged towards the willow tree. I brushed the fallen leaves and allowed myself to stare at your tombstone. I still refuse to read your name out loud, because I fear that if I do, I will recognize your death. I fear that you may not answer my questions. And I fear that you will leave our family—Fairy Tail— forever, like a memory departing in a ferry.
"Family, huh? By the way, I'm married for six years now," I said, grinning and flashing the gold band in my left finger. "I'm sorry that I wasn't able to invite you because you know, you're there…" I trailed off when I noticed that my voice raised an octave higher, and then I continued in a lower, calmer tone but still kept the jovial beat, "I also have kids now, two boys and one girl. Let me tell you, they're three times the trouble. Three hells to take care of…but I still love them anyways." I paused and thought. Is this what a grown man should say? Then I continued despite the growing lump in my throat, "I'm sorry I couldn't bring them here, wouldn't want for them to see their father like this. They're at the guild, enjoying trick-and-treating. My wife would definitely have a fit when she found that I've let them eat too many candies…" I stopped short to collect my thoughts. I'm running off track again. "Someday, I'll introduce them to you. Maybe tomorrow, or the day after that, or the next year in this very same date. I don't know when, but eventually I will. I promise," I finalized.
"Lucy…" I choked on my own words as I wiped the tears that were threatening to fall.
There was a shuffling of grass, the blowing of cool October wind and a billow and flapping of crisp clothing .I turned, wishing and hoping against hope that it was you.
There, she stood, clad in white; white as a ghost. She looked ethereal in the subtle moonlight, tilting her head in worry. She hummed a soft hmm and my heart skipped beat. It was my wife in her ghost costume.
I thought that you've finally come to answer me.
"Thank you," I said, smiling.
"What for?" She asked, her face creasing in confusion as she made her way beside me.
"For coming here with me, even if the Halloween Party at the guild is tonight," I answered, as earnestly as I could, wounding my arms against her waist.
"Oh, that," Her lips formed an 'O'. Looking at her and remembering everything that we've been through, I was suddenly overcome by emotions. I hugged her tight and she patted my head with her soft palms. "It's alright," she whispered to me from my right.
I broke the hug but still kept my arms around her to keep her warm and snug. I looked back at the tombstone and said with swelling pride, "Mom, this is Lucy, my wife, my bride."
She smiled at me and gazed at the tombstone, her features soft. She took herself out of my arms and kneeled beside the tombstone. "Hello, Mrs. Dreyar. I, ah, am Lucy." She started, babbling, and then she bowed down her head, fiddled with the hem of her white ghost costume and said in a tiny voice. "I'm, ah, Laxus's wife. Guess I could also be called Mrs. Dreyar too," she let out a nervous chuckle.
I just stood there, my eyes widening in disbelief. I looked at her, having a conversation with you. You who haven't uttered a word since the day you went back to the Lord. But I smiled, despite myself, despite your death, because there she is, my wife, supporting me.
"Come on, Lucy. The children are waiting," I called to her and I could feel a smile in my voice as I spoke her name and I looked at her standing up and walking to me with a genuine smile. I realized with certainty that Her is someone who will not keep me all to herself. Her is someone who is selfless. Her is someone who will share my pain. And those nights when questions kept me awake, I was right. I should bring Her to you. You and Her know each other in this night when I introduced Her to you. Only, Her wasn't her real name and that Her wasn't meant to replace you.
She's not here because she has the golden hair you had. Not because she's also a daughter Gramps never had. Not because she bakes me cookies and pies. Not because she's with me this Halloween night. Not because she holds my hands in this very moment. She was not here to replace you. She's not greater, nor less. She's a person of her own and just like you, she's irreplaceable.
"Goodbye, Mrs. Dreyar," Lucy politely bowed and walked towards the gate. She stopped from her tracks and turned back to me, another question forming in her head.
"I'll be right there," I said. She smiled at me and continued her way. I gazed up at the full moon and whispered in contentment. "You don't have to reply anymore, Mom. I already knew what you meant." And then I turned and walked towards the waiting figure of my wife.
"You've found her, son. You've found her."
Tonight, on this Halloween night, I've found you and I've found her after a long forever.
A/N: Another entry for the Halloween event of LaxusXLucy group in deviantart. Happy Halloween! :D