Penny, pacing in a crappy motel room, is starting to hate New York. She'd been working two jobs, living in a crap apartment with two other roommates and barely making ends meet. Then her stupid pothead roommate had dropped a cherry bomb in the toilet and gotten them evicted. She'd also gotten fired from her waitressing gig that day because she hadn't managed to make it to work since her toilet had exploded and she'd had to move.
Now she's living in a motel and missing the nice regular sized roaches from her old apartment. The ones in the motel are huge, the kind that audibly crackle when you squished them, she threw up in her mouth a little last time she killed one. And the kicker is that of course her boss from the boutique she'd worked for had decided to lay her off as well.
It makes her want to give up. She had so many dreams when she moved to New York City. Such a strong drive to make something of herself. But it's like the universe is working against her, and she can only take so many beatings before she throws in the towel. Feeling caged by the claustrophobic walls of the room, Penny decides to take a walk.
It's a remarkably stupid thing to do at night, particularly as a woman, in Brooklyn especially. But Penny is feeling pretty stupid for moving somewhere as expensive and dangerous as New York in the first place, so what's one more dumb thing on top of that?
x
Max stares at Han like he just declared himself King Dork of the Nerds. Considering Han had just told them all he had been talking to someone on Myspace, the shoe fucking fits. Who on earth still uses Myspace? She had always known nothing good could come of Hans 'hip and cool' obsession. The flash mob had been a blatant warning sign, but she sure as hell hadn't seen the whole 'swapping lives' thing coming. So now they have to wait around for their soon to be new 'manager'.
Han planned to train him for a few days, and then go move into the dudes place in California. The guy's like a professor or something and all Han has to do is play tapes of the lectures and hand out tests. It's practically a vacation. The lucky bastard. The professor dude, Sheldon, who considering the fact that his parents had named him Sheldon, was probably used to getting the raw end of the deal, would realize how much running a diner actually sucked, and take his anger out on them eventually.
"This is a terrible idea." Caroline announces, because she is sensible at heart. The rest of them nod. Han, as he usually does when faced with common sense, ignores them all.
"Worse than the Karaoke machine." Earl adds, with the vague horror of a well suppressed memory.
Max shudders,"How long do we have to wait around for this guy anyway?"
Han looks at his watch,"He should have been here already. I hope he's alright, he didn't strike me as someone who would be late."
"How long will you be gone?" Oleg asks. He is no doubt looking forward to slacking off twice as much as before. Max had admittedly entertained a similar fantasy before realizing that it wasn't physically possible.
"Six months!" Han says enthusiastically, like they aren't staring at him like they're living a horror movie and Han is the killer psycho clown. Granted it's not exactly a new look when it comes to Han, but she would feel better if it looked like it had at least phased him.
"This is a terrible idea," Max says, because it bears repeating.
x
Sheldon wished he had stayed in California. He was trying to embrace the chaotic nature of the world. He really, truly was. But it would be impossible to do so if he was dead. Considering the fact that he was currently being mugged, and he had left his wallet in his hotel room, the end of his life was possibly close at hand.
"I told you to give me your wallet!" The rough voice of his assailant hissed behind him. Weapon digging insistently into his back. It didn't feel like any firearm he was familiar with, but he had been exposed to more riffles than handguns, which were infinitely more suited to assaulting innocent civilians in city streets.
"I assure you if I had it I would have handed it over the first time you asked." Sheldon insisted.
"Take off your pants," his assailant ordered.
"Wha-" Sheldon began, certain he'd misheard.
He was promptly cut off, "I said take off your pants or I'll blow your fucking head off!"
Hands flying towards his belt buckle Sheldon removed his pants as quickly as he could.
"Hey!" A voice called from behind them, spooking his attacker and sending them scurrying away.
"Oh my god, are you alright?" The voice asks, and he turns to see a blonde woman wringing her hands, "Did he hurt you?"
"Considering that I realized he was threatening me with a cellphone instead of a gun when he ran away with my pants? I suppose I'm just fine." Chaos was very frightening, having made the choice to embrace it had worked wonders on his nerves. It didn't keep his knees from going weak at the sheer relief of not having been in any true danger, however.
His savior laughs, a loud, nearly hysterical sounding fit of giggles. He watches her amusement, bemused. Weren't good Samaritans supposed to care for the plights of others, instead of finding them amusing?
"I'm Penny," She says, offering her hand and attempting to smother the last of her hilarity. "Sorry, I just-I needed that."
Sheldon shook her hand," I am Dr. Sheldon Cooper, and I need pants."
His words set Penny giggling anew.
"Sorry, sorry. I think I can help you with that."
x
So I think we all knew it was only a matter of time? Um-mega props to mjhammer for sparking this, helping me brainstorm ideas, and playing beta. Hat's off my friend.