I would advise you actually watch 'Meet the Spy' first before reading this.

For extra fun, imagine all the characters with British accents!

As the alarm rang, the booming voice of the Administrator of Team Fortress Industries sounded over the loudspeaker of the fortress designated for the team of the Builders League United.

"Vigilance is required as a result of a hostile infiltrator!" She spoke aloud, alerting her subordinates to the presence of an enemy, "The employee of an organization or government with goals contrary to our own, typically affiliated with the effect of light with a wavelength between 610 and 780 nanometers has penetrated this fortress' defenses, possibly to obtain secret information or intelligence!"

The man minding attention to the console, identified only as the team Soldier, and speculated to be identified as 'Mister Jane Doe', expressed his concern. "Forsooth!" He exclaimed, "An agent adorned with the primary color at one extreme end of the visible spectrum has pierced out fortified installation?"

Running to retrieve his weapon most useful for close-range combat, the voice of his superior officer continued to resonate throughout his ears, barking orders in an authoritative tone, "Ensure that the briefcase has been safeguarded against attempted abduction!"

Unsteadily charging his way down the stairs and to the hallway, where the briefcase containing his team's primary documents of information was surely in danger, he ensured his Administrator, "Without hesitation or recalcitrance, the forces which have sworn allegiance to you vouchsafe for the security of the aforementioned briefcase."

Calling from the doorway, the Scout of the Builders League United called for help of his fellow compatriot. "Combatant, I am in need of assistance at my present location for a task I have not the physical prowess to successfully execute!" He requested, as he struggled with the door leading to the Briefcase Room, as so labeled on the entrance itself.

Coming to the aid of his expeditious comrade, he replied, "Stand aside, reconnoitering specialist. I shall forthwith attempt to complete the task with which you have been flummoxed." Focusing his attention on the numeric panel attached to the door, he continued, "The principles of operating this device are elementary, as you shall now observe."

Pushing the Scout aside, he proceeded, "Now, away with you so that I may grant us entry. 1, 1, 1," He announced the numbers which he was exerting pressure upon, "Considering the previous sequence of alphanumeric digits, it can safely be assumed that the ultimate digit shall also be 1."

Panic arose within the Scout as he realized the input code had been a failure. "At this juncture in time, I shall not hesitate to inform you that we must proceed with alacrity." He hurried, "I repeat, time is of the essence in this spiel of subterfuge of intrigue."

"My comrades in arms!" Announced the team's Heavy Weapons Specialist, equipped with his rapidly-firing weapon of such large mass that it required two hands of even him to carry and use efficiently, "Consider this a fair warning as to my impeding approach!"

As he burst through the door to the Intelligence room, their spirits were suddenly lifted as they realized that the briefcase was in no immediate danger, yet they still held doubts within their mind.

"I am stricken with a sudden feeling of wonder and astonishment!" The Scout said, upon the questionable discovery, "The briefcase which we so feared vanished has, in fact, remained unperturbed."

From behind them came the clearing of the throat from the team's Enticing Entrepreneur of Sensory Shape-shifting with Sole Purpose of Infiltrationary Actions, "My fellow chaps of good breeding and social stature." He greeted, "It has become readily apparent to me that our hoard of militarily and commercially-sensitive information remains secure."

"Safeguarded to the utmost." Replied the Soldier, at roughly the same point in time as the Scout, who also replied with, "Verily, what you say is the truth!"

This was greeted only with further inquiries from the Spy, "Allow me to entreaty you on a subject which has left me so ruminative, that I have both mediated, mused and pondered it's eventual outcome." He began, "Upon your journeys to the subterranean redoubt, have any of you experienced the happenstance of murdering a saboteur colored of blood?"

He paid close attention the replies of his teammates, of which there were none. "Your silence speaks volumes." He continued, "This leads me to the inevitable conclusion that an unwelcome practitioner of espionage still treads this very ground. Certainly, this provides us with a conundrum." He let down the body of the specialist of precision elimination from a measurable distance.

"And a sharpened cutting instrument." Added the Soldier.

"Your perceived angst amuses me." Replied the Scout, removing the foreign butterfly knife from the body of the Sniper, "My combat experiences have supplied me with ample savior-faire in the disposal of informants, infiltrators, and saboteurs. Their universally prevalent commonality coupled with their tendency to betray supports my hypothesis of their rapscallion nature."

As the blade he had been spinning in small, round paths came down upon his forefinger, he exclaimed, "I have suffered a minor injury! Allow me to take this moment to elaborate on my lack of harsh feelings and double entendres as to your own nature."

Retrieving the blade from the platform upon which the Scout had so recklessly abandoned from his grasp and manipulating the tool expertly, he expressed his thoughts, "If you are indeed as adept at the assassination of enemies as you claim, rest assured that they were not my equals in the arts of cunning, guile, stealth, and conversation." He handed the knife back to the Scout, "Additionally, this sets your so-called vanquished foes on an even lower pedestal when juxtapositioned with the hostile foreign agent currently perambulating in this very structure."

As the Spy strutted across the room in a manner most fitting for a man of his stature, the Scout retorted, "Your actions as a proponent of the hostile operative insinuate you as being the sole organizer and leader of an organization dedicated to his worship."

The Spy manipulated his facial structure in such a way that the smirk of the lips resulted in a look of superiority above the Scout, for he knew information that the scrutinous boy did not. "On the contrary," He argued, "The superior qualities of the scientific investigative method cast a harsh light of reality upon your fanciful ruminations. It is, in fact, the female progenitor responsible for your birth that organizes and commands the league responsible for this man's adoration"

The Spy came to a startling realization, "At last, it has become apparent. The provocateur has penetrated our lair so that he my improperly insert his phallic manhood into our unsuspecting rectums to engage in sodomy of a nonconsensual nature."

Oh, that was fun.