I do not own twilight, just thought I'd let you know that

Dear Diary,

Today was, um I don't even know how to explain kind of day for the Volturi clan/guard/family/thing. Why, you might ask, I'll tell you why, which serves the purpose of this diary, I know vampires have mega awesome memories but a diary is so much more simpler than trying to remember centuries of stuff don't cha think? Anyway, back to our unexplainable day. . .

It was about noon-ish, I think, and Heidi was coming back from 'fishing' for innocent tourists for us masters of evilness to snack on. After two tourists each, there was no one left but a baby human boy who was probably no more than 7 months old.

"Dibs on the baby!" Felix called and darted towards it.

"Noooo!" Sulpicia yelled, scooping up the boy "We can't just kill him, look at his cute wittle face." She shoved the baby in Felix's face and put her own into a puppy style pout.

"She's right" Alec said taking the baby into his arms "We can't just kill him. We kill him, and have him roasted over an open fire on top of a volcano in the heart of Hawaii!"

"Good idea man!" Felix said giving him a high five.

"No way!" Sulpicia yelled.

"Hey, when you add an 'r' in the middle of 'no' and 'way' you get 'Norway!'" my not-so-intelligent husband Afton said.

"Oh. . .my. . .god get a life!" Jane yelled "It's just a stupid human child."

I took the baby then "With a cute wittle face" I said copying Sulpicia and shoving the baby into her face and pouting simultaneously.

"Copy cat" Alec said.

"Shut up turd face"

"What's a turd?" Demetri asked.

Everyone looked around the room at each other in a weird awkward moment. Then the human baby started crying and screaming at the top of its lungs.

Jane fell onto the ground in pain "MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! IT BUUURRRRNNNSSS!"

"I say we keep it" Alec said.

"The baby?" Afton asked.

"No, the cracked floor tile cause it adds character to the room."

"Oh, and now that you mention it, it does add character to the room"

"YES I MEANT THE BABY!"

"Why do you want to keep it?" Aro asked "You gave me a speech not five minutes before we started eating on how much you hated human children."

"Yeah but that was before I found out that their crying makes my sister fall to the ground in pain."

"Plus it has a cute wittle face" me and Sulpicia said together.

"Okay, all in favour of keeping the kid say 'I'"

Nobody said 'I' except for me Sulpicia and Alec.

"So it's settled" Alec said "we keep the kid."

"Yayy!" Sulpicia said while jumping 10 feet in the air, then she grabbed the kid and ran off with it to god knows where.

"This is going to be very interesting" Aro said "Must as well start calling me 'daddy' now." Then he walked off to check on his questionably sain wife and new son.

Well there you have it, the Volturi now have a human baby. Well technically, Aro and Sulpicia have a baby. The rest of us are like the adopted siblings. Like the Cullens! Oh my god I hate those people. But back to the baby, I'm very curious to see how this will turn out.

The one and only Chelsea Volturi :)