Welcome to my new story. I would like to thank AmyJamie for the little plot bunny that started this one, although it has gone off in a different direction or time period than I originally thought. With regards to the time period, I have been struggling to pin this down to one. I see it in the era of titanic (the movie) the grandeur but with her class and standing, for Ana to have a bit more freedom than at that time and be able to work as well. I will let you decide where you place it as you read along. This is un-betered so all mistakes are my own.
All fifty shades characters belong to EL James, I'm just sending them into different lives as usual. I hope you enjoy.
The constant chatter, the incessant noise around me. It baffled me how one can be surrounded by people but be so very lonely too. I was not meant to speak, only to nod my head or come in when my mother thought to include me in the conversation. It was easier that way.
"Would you like another water Miss" the waiter asked me.
"No thank you, I have had my fill."
My mother looked over to me, regarding me with distaste that I had spoken to the gentleman. What was I supposed to do, ignore the poor man. That would be rude.
"Katherine is going to look wonderful on her wedding day. Simply beautiful" Lady Elizabeth said, smiling to her daughter.
All I received from mine was a scowl as only yesterday, I had sent the latest suitor away.
"I will be lucky if Anastasia ever takes a husband. No one has ever been good enough, no matter their class" my mother said, shaking her head before dabbing the corner of her eyes with her handkerchief.
Elizabeth reached over, resting her hand against my mothers, giving her the support she needed.
"She will take a husband, society demands it. No one wants the shame of being left without a man" Elizabeth said, looking to me.
I continued to sit quietly as they spoke about me as if I wasn't there. Listing all the gentlemen who they thought would be the perfect suitor for me. It is not that I didn't want to be married, didn't want to start a family. I would just like it to be my choice. My life is made up of orders and demands, all to make my parents look better in society. This one act of refusing their choices, has completely changed the way they look at me, not that they really saw me before anyway.
I was always the quiet one, the one with her head in a book and that was fine with my parents until I grew up. Charlotte my parent's housekeeper practically raised me, put me to bed while my parents were out at one charity ball or another. If I was sick, it was Charlotte who tended to my needs. Growing up to my father especially, was about finding the right man, the one who could make his business better and gain a higher standing in society. He wanted a son, I always knew that. Gaining a profitable son in law would just have to do.
"What is your dress like" I asked Katherine, wishing I hadn't when she spoke.
"Oh, it is beautiful, lace, full sleeves. It will be down to my pinkies with a full skirt which flairs out at the bottom."
The more she spoke, the more it sounded like something Charlotte makes when she whisks the egg whites for too long. All through her speech, Elizabeth and my mother hung on every word, the smiles growing bigger on their faces.
"What about you Anastasia, what would your dress be like" Katherine asked me once she had stopped bouncing in her seat.
"I don't really know. Something simple, elegant."
"Something plain" my mother said, cutting me off. "Never, you will be wearing Granmamar's dress just like I did and my mother before me."
"Am I not allowed a choice" I asked her.
"No, anything else is simply not acceptable" she snapped before realising where she was. "We will discuss this at home."
I sighed, sitting back in my seat, trying not to show anyone how much her words had hurt me. No choice in anything, never.
I looked around the room, towards the string quartet, playing quietly in the corner. They want music here, show the clientele what they have to offer but they never allow them to play loud enough for anyone not sat next to them, to hear.
I would love to listen, close my eyes and let the music wash over me. Only that wouldn't do. That wouldn't do for someone of my class, my standing or so I'm told.
"Did you hear about the latest scandal" Elizabeth said as my mother moved closer, her ears probably flapping at what she is about to be told.
"What is it" Katherine whispered.
"Olivia Jones is with child again" she said before they all laughed between them.
"If I may ask, why is an expectant woman funny."
"They will probably be putting a name in the hat to decided who takes on the roll of father this time" my mother said, ignoring my question as they continued to laugh.
I had come to realise while listening to my mother and these women speak, how vile some people could be. From what I understood of the stories that passed between them, Olivia Jones was a woman just like ourselves, apart from she had been taken advantage of by her husband's friend. That resulted in a pregnancy, one her husband publicly denied, embarrassing the poor woman who fled from her home. She was abandoned by her parents for bringing shame on them and left to bring the child up on her own.
"How is it her fault" I asked, seeing three faces turn my way. "If she was taken advantage of by another man, why is it her fault."
"Shut up, you silly girl" my mother said. "Having a child from someone other than your husband is the most shameful thing you can do."
"But she didn't do anything wrong."
"I said SHUT UP."
I was finally silenced as everyone turned to see just what the disturbance was. If I ever disliked my mother more, hated her even though I feel like I have sinned for thinking that word, it was in this moment.
"Excuse me ladies" I said, getting up from my chair and making my way towards the exit.
"Anastasia, Anastasia come back here this instant."
I ignored her, continuing to walk out of the front of the hotel. Many had tried to speak to me, to get me to acknowledge my mother but I had, had enough for one day. It wasn't done for a lady like me to be out without an escort but for just a moment, I actually felt free.
I made my way towards a park, the trees beautifully in bloom. Sitting on the bench, I could enjoy the peace and reflect on what I had done.
My mother will be angry, incredibly so because as far as she would be concerned, I had just embarrassed her in public. My father, I can only imagine his wrath when my mother tells him every detail of this afternoon. I will have to make my way home at some point but for now I can sit here, close my eyes and enjoy the sun.
"Miss are you sleeping" a little voice asked as I opened my eyes, taking a few seconds to adjust to the light.
"Geoffrey come here. I'm sorry my lady" a woman probably my own age said.
The contrast between us was vast, from the clothes she wore to her shoes. Mine, made of the finest material and not a speck of dirt would ever be in sight. Hers looked threadbare and like they hadn't seen the inside of a wash bucket in weeks.
"But Mama, I wanted to make sure she didn't fall off the bench, if she was sleeping."
I looked to the woman, smiling before the little boy had my attention.
"Geoffrey, that's a lovely name."
"My mama gave it to me."
"How old are you Geoffrey" I asked.
A little dirty hand with four fingers and a thumb was what he held up.
"Five, you are a big boy. Big enough to check on a lady who might be sleeping."
"Were you sleeping."
"No, I was closing my eyes. Enjoying the peace and the sun."
"And we have interrupted your rest" the woman panicked.
"No, you haven't, please don't worry. This park is big enough for all of us."
I watched little Geoffrey play, run around as if he didn't have a care in the world. As they were leaving the park, a wave of an even dirtier hand, said goodbye.
Making my own way out of the park, I turned hearing my name called.
"Lady Anastasia" Lucas said, rushing towards me. "Thank the lord that I found you. Your mother was frantic when you left the Hotel."
"Lucas my mother would only be frantic that I embarrassed her, not that I disappeared."
"I wouldn't know about that Miss" he said, escorting me toward the car.
Once inside, we started the short journey home.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN" My father shouted as soon as the front door was closed, scattering the maids who were around.
"I was enjoying the sun, it is so rare here."
London and sun do not really go together recently. Rain is usually our companion when out for a walk.
"Sun, you will ruin your skin" my mother called out from the top of the staircase.
"It was just a little bit, I needed some air."
"And there was not enough air to breathe in this house or the hotel perhaps."
"No there was not. I needed to take a breath."
"You have disappointed me today Anastasia after what your mother has told me" my father said. "I do not know what has gotten into you lately but this has to stop. Sending gentlemen away, perfect suitors who could offer us a lot, just will not do."
"That is the thing isn't it, offer you. What about me, what do I get out of all this. You are so eager to marry me off, you haven't even once asked how I feel."
"You don't get a choice" My mother barked at me.
"Why not. How bad would it be if I married someone for love."
"Love" my mother scoffed. "No one ever marries for love. That comes later. Now we have a ball next month that you will be attending on the tenth, whether you like it or not."
"The tenth" I asked, shakily.
"Yes, are you deaf girl" my mother said, shaking my shoulders before taking a step back.
"But."
"No buts Anastasia, you will be there."
The tears fell from my eyes as they both looked to me. The tenth, my 18th birthday, spent smiling and being someone I wasn't.
"No, you cannot, not that day, my birthday, you said."
"I don't care what day it is, you will be in attendance."
I brushed the tears from my eyes, my heart breaking at her words.
"You do not care to celebrate the day you gave birth to your daughter, you do not care about me at all. I feel suffocated, like I am only here until you can hand me off to the highest bidder. I want a life" I said, finally finding my feet, running up the staircase as I ignored the calls behind me to stay where I was.
I ran into my bedroom, closing the door. It would make no difference anyway, they would be through it soon enough. I fell down on my bed, letting the tears flow.
...
I had expected the door to open shortly after but closed is what it stayed. When it finally did open, the room was shrouded in darkness as night had fallen. I had slept, for how long, I did not know. In this room, time was eternal, keeping me within.
"You feel suffocated" my father's gruff voice said from the doorway, never stepping inside my room. "You do not realise how good your life is. You are fed, your bath waters brought to you and you have a clean comfy bed to sleep in. You want a life, fine I will give you that life but you will not enjoy the luxuries that I provide for you now. I have spoken to a friend of mine, a colleague in the city. As of tomorrow, you will be going to work for his son. You will work there five days a week until I have deemed that you have gotten this idea out of your head, this crazy idea of this other kind of life, than the one I provide for you."
"What will I be doing" I asked quietly, my voice hoarse from all the crying I did earlier.
"Whatever he tells you to do. The lowest job he can find to sort this, this rebel streak out."
Rebel, I almost smiled at his words but it would do me no good. Not wanting to marry a stranger, not wanting to sit at a table while my mother belittles me, that makes me a rebel.
As I had not spoken any more words, my father had taken that as my agreement to his demand. He turned to leave my room, before stopping to face me once more.
"Your mother wanted you moved out of this room and into the maid's quarters but I wouldn't hear of that. I will not have people knowing that my daughter would be sleeping in filth. You were born a Steele, born into luxury. A family with a high reputation in this community and I will not stand by and let anyone ruin that, even my own flesh and blood."
With that he closed the door and I was on my own once again.
I lit my light, casting an eerie glow across the room, causing shadows that I have long since ignored. As I looked into my mirror, I smiled. Let a suitor turn up now, he will surely have the shock of his life.
I sighed then, looking down at my clothes, remembering Geoffrey and his mother. They had nothing by the looks of it apart from two things, they had happiness and each other.
My birthday approaches quickly, not that anyone apart from Charlotte would realise. Apparently, I'm not important enough, I thought as a sob broke free.
I looked at the woman in the mirror again, as her sad lonely eyes looked back. I had a role to play, a future I had no choice in. Why can I not be free. Why can I not just be me.
I hoped you liked it.
I was originally going to make Ana older but 18 seems the average age of marriage in that time, from the websites I have researched. I also needed her to be young enough to still be living at home.
Until next time, take care
Caroline.