Summary: What if Edward had reacted differently to Jacob kissing Bella? What if he resolved to make Jacob Black's life a living hell? Our own resident Volvo driving Vampire has his own share of stray ridiculously brilliant thoughts in the heat of the moment too you know.

Note: this is the randomest thing i have EVER written. it is just a bit of fun from a very bored writer, who happens to listen to 'Gives you Hell' by all American Rejects far too often. It was intended to be a serious yet funny bit of writing, but it turned random because my mother decided to play distraction to my plot bunnies. that and people on msn wouldn't shut up no matter how often i told them to got cliff diving. so... don't be harsh lol.

we all have those stray random thoughts when in a situation that makes us upset, thoughts that are absolutely impossible and childish, Edward is no exception to that rule.

Gives You Hell

"Jacob Black." I snarled. I felt the rage building within me, just the thought of his name sent a curse of venom through me, ready to inflict for the kill. I could not explain how much I hated that boy. It was true I owed him more than I could ever have imagined for all that he did for Bella, in the time of my absence, but that sure as hell did not give him the right to force my Bella into something she clearly did not want. If she had I would have gladly (well not gladly) stepped aside and let her live her life the way she wished, always waiting in the wings for the moment she felt the need for my presence again.

But it was overly obvious that she did not wish to be with Jacob, or appreciate his bold act as to shove his filthy tongue into her unwilling mouth, one just had to take one glance at her now broken hand to know. My hands clenched tightly into balled fists beside me, he knew I'd be angry, he knew I'd want to rip him limb from limb, the least the bastard could have done was left the scene of the crime when Bella called me!

But no, part of me was thrilled that the dumb-shit had stayed behind to face the consequences.

That was the monstrous side of me.

Although I knew too well Bella would be greatly upset if I killed him that did not stop the images in my head of Jacob's demise at my hands, I could practically feel my hands wrapped around his thick neck, choking off his air supply… No that was too nice; Jacob deserved to die a painful death, a slow long lasting yet excruciating death.

No. I could not picture the images, not even for a second longer, because then I would be decided upon murdering him, which again would not go down well with my love. Yet even now as the idiot stood facing me, Bella safely tucked behind me, a plan began to form. I could not execute it here, not while Charlie was liable to see, not while Bella clutched my arm with her one good hand, screaming her own profanities at the mongrel before us, and yet somehow restraining me from flying over to him all the same.

I smiled to myself inwardly, enjoying the idea of my plan far too much. Jacob Black was going to wish he was never born…I could not harm him physically, but lord knew that I could make his life a misery.

First I would require the help of someone within my family, someone who cared about Bella as much as I did, yet would not have the compassion to see it from Jacob's side, Alice would be out, because as much as my sister clamed to hate the teen-wolf, she would never have the ability to help me, she was far too compassionate that way. Jasper likewise would be out, for that would be pushing his already thin walls even further which would make him liable to snap, and No one wanted to be around Jasper when he was like that. It was hard enough to be around him when he was experiencing emotions that were not as strong as insanity. Rose would never help me. And my parents would try to disused me from my act of annoyance, purely because it could not be passed as Moral in their eyes. That left only one possible ally, the most devious of them all when it came to it.

Emmett.

I could picture it now, my brother the mastermind at payback, helping me destroy Jacob's life as best to our ability. The dog never stood a chance.

With my ally in place, we could start out small at first, little things, total his rabbit; destroy his engine that would stop him for a short while, shave his hair while he slept, making sure to of course cut up all his shoes too, of course this would require crossing the boundary line, a price I was willing to pay as long as it meant Bella would be avenged in some way for the disgrace he managed to place on her beautiful lips. Yes that would do for a start…

Then we could move on gradually to bigger things… Freezing his bank account, retracting his enrolment in school, getting him banned from all the shoe shops in the North Olympic Peninsula….

Of course I would have to make it obvious it was me just to get the satisfaction in the knowledge that he knew he brought this on himself, and that it was me giving him hell. I would drive him so insane that he would regret ever thinking he could come near my Bella without getting some form of hell from me. Truthfully, I was itching for a chance to get the mutt a taste of his own medicine. Perhaps I could shave my name and some form of hilariously inappropriate saying into his fur whilst giving him is bare shave. Emmett would sure get a kick out of that…

But then there would be the small problem of Bella finding out what I'd done, sure at this moment she wouldn't care, but she would in the long run, and no doubt I would be in heaps of trouble from my love, something that was the most excruciating position for me to ever be in, because whenever we fought, not only was I quite upset myself, but Bella was near devastated and when Bella was upset that upset me even more. This created a conundrum in my plans. If I did anything that managed to upset her in any way I could not live with myself.

I turned my head to see Bella wince slightly, holding her hand close to her body, my heart sank for her. This was his fault! Damned Jacob. My Bella was hurt because of him. No. no I could not think of revenge, all my plans died slowly, because no matter what, Bella could not get more hurt and I knew that if I came within a few feet of the dog when she was not near, even with Emmett by my side I would do something more drastic. So instead, I helped my love into the car and glared fiercely at Jacob, Screaming out my warning his way, because so help me god if he crossed the line again I could not guarantee that he would live long enough for me to even consider driving him through hell. Bella was and always would be my chief concern, no matter what I could not let myself as much as I wanted to take revenge on him, I could not let myself give him all the hell he deserved because then, I would not be what Bella wanted anymore. And that was worse than the idea of letting him live. For now…

A/N: Yes I am aware that this is probably an insult to even have written this, yet I could not help myself. Besides most of its okay... LOL... Reviews?