Ikarishipping
Suicide/major character death warning
"I can't help but think about my life and all the things that led it to this point. What my life would have been if I would have made different choices. I'm where I am and it's my fault.
I left home when I was 10 years old and took off with two guys I barely knew. I spent years with them, growing to love them like my brothers, thinking that they would never hurt me. But I was wrong.
What I forgot to think about was that they were both older than me. More experienced than me and had manly urges that I was expected to take care of.
It didn't matter when I would tell them no.
It didn't matter that I told them to stop.
It didn't matter when I found out I was pregnant.
It didn't matter more when I told them I lost the baby.
Instead they decided that they would use me one last time.
I begged them to stop and they didn't.
So now here I am, standing, looking at myself in the mirror. I'm disgusted by what I see.
I am no longer the happy-go-lucky girl I once was. I no longer see the good in things in life. I'm no longer brave, I'm no longer beautiful.
All I am is a shadow of who I once was.
I'm a lie.
I am a disgrace.
I am worthless and I don't deserve the love that I seek.
ONLY once in my life did I think maybe I had a chance.
I met the boy who would be my paradise.
He was my Escape when the word no was pushed aside.
when I had to lose myself in my thoughts in order to take the pain, he was who I would see.
I imagined myself in a different time and life where he was my savior.
I told him the unspeakable things that my so-called friends did to me and he took me away to a place where I was safe.
He protected me and held me close.
He told me he would never let anything bad happen to me as long as I stayed in my dream world.
He was there.
I wanted him in the real world but... if he knew who I was and what I had allowed to happen to me, over and over again, he would be as disgusted by me as I am by myself.
All I want is to be loved.
I can't do that because here he will never love me.
BUT in my dreams he's already mine.
So by the time you find this I will already be lost in the land of dreams for the rest of time.
please forgive me even though I don't deserve forgiveness.
And please, if the lavender haired boy named Paul shows up to tell me goodbye tell him I'm sorry.
I regret it because who he thought I was was nothing but a lie just let him know that even though he doesn't know it, he was loved every day for the last 9 years. "
Paul crumbled the not in his hands. Gripping the paper so hard his nuckles turned white, tears flowed freely for the first time in his life. He was remembering the last conversation he had with her. He had found her alone in the woods crying.
Flashback...
It was around 2 am and i was awoken by the sound of someone crying. Grunting I got up and looked for the source of my annoyance. I found her sitting against a tree smoking a cigarette crying softly to herself. I walked up to her irritated more than usual.
"What are you doing out here making all that noise?" I spat at her.
"N-nothing, I-Im sorry I'll...I'll just g-go." She whimpered pathetically at me.
I remembered she had lost her contest that day and assumed that's why she was upset.
"There will be other contests. It's not the end of the world!" I yelled at her hoping to pull her out of her self pity party.
She turned to face me and that's when I saw the black eye she had.
"Ash sure seems to think so. I came in second, I still won a lot of money, but it's not enough...I failed and wasn't prepared for the punishment." She explained cryptically.
"Who cares what pathetic and the breeder think." My tone softened as different sanarios of what might've happened played in my head.
"T-theyre the ones in charge of my life...my mother left me in their care...they...they don't like it when I loose. Brock's punishments hurt, but Ash likes to leave me...reminders...so I get motivated to do better. I've lost three contests in a row, and it's just getting worse...I can't do it anymore." She cried out.
"So leave." I simply said.
"But my mother..."
"Fuck her! Have you told her what's going on?" I was getting pissed. Pathetic and the breeder hurt my troublesome...and i had a feeling it was more than beatings.
"Yea, when I told her she said I should do everything I could to keep them happy...if I was good they wouldn't hurt me...and she sent me this damn outfit to wear." She said looking down motioning to her black tank top and too short white skirt.
"If you won't leave than you're weak." I snarled at her.
"You're right...I am weak." She said as she stood up and put her cigarette out. She pulled me into a tight hug whispering apologies in my ear before running off into the night.
Flashback end...
Dawn... I called her weak. That was the last thing I said to her. I found her three days later in the woods, hanging from the same tree where I had last spoken to her. This note hidden in her pocket. I saw red after reading it and took my anguish out on the two that had hurt my troublesome so badly. I put them in jail along with her worthless excuse of a mother, but not before I put them in the hospital. And now here I am, standing alone in a cemetery down to the last shot of whiskey in my bottle. Why didn't I tell you how I felt when I had the chance? Why didn't I save you? You opened up to me that night. You were screaming for help and I didn't hear it.
Placing the crumbled letter back in my pocket I placed a rose on the marble headstone that I had paid for and turned to walk away.
If people thought I was withdrawn before, they would be scared to see me now. I had met the only person who accepted me, I had pushed away the only person I've ever loved. Now I'm doomed to live my life alone with my Pokemon with nothing but regret in my heart.
A/N
So I wrote this a while ago and found it in my binder I've actually got a few darker themed stories I've written but this is the most tame so I thought I'd start with it...hope you enjoyed it...and yes it hurts like hell to kill Dawn