Dealing with Grief
He's seen Elizabeth do this many times, releasing the order to send a fallen member's belongings back home and with words of condolences to their family. Hell, he's even done it himself in recent days, but none were harder than this one. All hopes of one day getting Elizabeth back home safely were crushed when he talked to the replicated version of her off world.
He pauses in front of her quarter's door, trying to will himself to enter her room, but his feet won't move. He takes a deep breath and sighs regrettably before waving his hands over the crystals to open the doorway.
"John," Teyla calls out in a mournful way.
He turns around to sees Teyla with an outreached arm, that she places on his upper arm and caresses it in comfort.
"This is something that should not be done alone," she says as she looks into his bloodshot eyes.
He gives her a small grateful smile, "Thank you, Teyla."
They both walk into Elizabeth's room and look around to view all of her belongings. It's all so overwhelming to see her personal effects stand before them without any life to them anymore. Teyla walks up to the bedside table and picks up a picture frame. She smiles as she sees Elizabeth laughing as Sedge, still a small puppy, licking her face.
John finds an empty box and slowly, but meticulously chooses items that can go back to her family members, which isn't a lot. Most of her belong will be sent to the SGC, like her uniforms, personal logs and various items she acquired from the Pegasus Galaxy.
Teyla sees John pick up and stare at an Athosian urn that he gave her for her first birthday in Atlantis. He carefully rotates it in his hands before turning to Teyla, "I think you should have this. Otherwise, it will be… I mean I don't want to…"
Teyla sees the pain in his eyes and understands what he is trying to say, "I will be honor to keep this. Thank you, John."
A Marine comes by to bring them totes to store everything, "When you are done, sir. I will come back to get them ready and send them through the gate." John simply nods his head and the young man leaves quietly after feeling the tension in the room.
After the Marine leaves, Teyla can see that John is not ready to talk about what they all now need to accept and the recent pain of losing Carson only intensifies their sorrow. Silence soon fills the room and in no time they finish what they came to do.
Before they walk out the room, John pauses, "I really appreciated that you did this with me."
Teyla just gives him a reassuring smile and an awkward silence fall between them for a moment.
"I got it! We need to get drunk!" John exclaims.
"John, I do not believe that is such a good idea," Teyla tries to convince him.
"Nope, I think it is a perfect idea," he gives her a blank look. "I'm gonna do it anyway… so you might as well keep me company."
Teyla reluctantly agrees and stop by his room first to get a couple of six packs of beer before going to the farthest end of the east pier.
In no time, John sits down, snaps the tab on the can and quickly drinks one down. Teyla watches him without any judgment. She knows that people deal with grief in different ways and since he never allowed himself to grieve for Carson, this moment was a long time coming.
He picks up a second can and offers it to Teyla, "Wish to join me?" He sees her hesitation. "It's not like you haven't had a drink with me before and I'm not asking for you to get drunk." He winks with a boyish smile, but she graciously declines.
John raises his can to salute her and before long he is starting on his fourth. She considers telling him to slow down, but she knows it is pointless.
"You'd think I'd be use to it by now," he slightly slurs to his words.
Teyla raises her eyebrow to question his statement.
"Death I mean," be begins before finishing his beer.
"It is a great deal different when it is of one so close. We all deeply loved Elizabeth and it is understandable to be upset. Even John Sheppard is allowed to grieve."
He sighs in discuss, "I guess so."
"I accept nothing less if something was to happen to Ronon, Rodney or myself." She interjects. "I just wish that we had included her in more of our social activities."
"Yeah, I think that's what's bothering me the most, for both her and Carson. We always think we have endless time, but we never know."
John drinks two more beers before Teyla suggests that they go back in and retire for the night. She catches him a few times as he begins to stumble here and there, finally he allows her to assist him to the rest of the way.
She helps him into his room and he clumsily sits on his bed to take his boots off.
"Perhaps I should go and let you rest," Teyla says as she stands by him.
He nods his head slowly, but grabs her arm before she turns to leave, "You know this isn't easy on you either, especially with your people missing. I'm sorry about tonight." He pauses and sighs briefly. "I know I'm not much for talking but I'm here for you too."
"I know," she says with a gentle smile.
"And Teyla," he begins. "I will get your people back for you. Don't worry."
"I have complete faith in you, John. I know you will do your best to get find them."
John releases her arm and slowly slides into a more comfortable position in his bed.
"If you were ever missing… I would never stop looking for you," he says sleepily. Teyla smiles as he begins to close his eyes.
"I have no doubt that you would," Teyla whispers before leaving his room.
The End