This is a scene that I removed from another story for being too dark and opening too many questions, esp about Mamoru. Still it's something that went around in my head for a while so I didn't want it to be lost and made it into a separate story. Decide for yourself if it could happen or if it is just a nightmare sequence...
Reviews are welcome!
x
Sympathy
Jadeite was on duty, guarding his Master in his house. He stood at the window, eyeing the sky, his back to Mamoru whose eyes had rested on him most of the time, and who made some attempts to fill the silence with getting Jadeite to talk to him.
"A hot day, we should go swimming. Do you remember the day we taught you to swim in the Earth Kingdom?"
"No, Master."
"You don't have to call me Master all the time. You can call me Mamoru, or Endymion, if you like that better."
"Master?"
Jadeite pretended not to understand, his face blank.
Mamoru sighed.
"I wish you had more memories of our time in the Earth Kingdom. We had so much fun! Let me tell you about the day. We had been going to the mountains when we came to a lovely little pond, and then Zoisite..."
"I don't want to hear about it!" Jadeite interrupted him, an outburst of anger, without any politeness. Just so unlike the Jadeite Mamoru had known so well.
"Jadeite?" asked Mamoru astonished. "You don't have to be scared. It's a good memory. It could help you understand about where we come from."
"I am not looking for old memories, Master," said Jadeite with all the calmness he could muster.
"Why not? It would help you understand who you are. It would help to close the distance between us. It would help with our duties to protect Earth."
"Master, with all due respect, I know my duties. I am very glad you have been given back your life, and were gracious enough to give us back ours. I am deeply in your debt. But we will not be our former selves again. We are not the same kind of persons any more."
"Jadeite, I do not understand. Why can't we be friends again?"
Jadeite wouldn't sneer to his Master, but the twitch of his mouth when he spoke said it just as well.
"You betrayed me, I betrayed you. We're even. No use to start it all over again."
The Master was with him in a few quick steps.
"No, Jadeite. You can't pretend the past hasn't happened. I remember every day of your life, ever since you were born. These memories are valuable. They made me to who I am. They are important. Even if you don't have these memories, I want you to acknowledge mine. Just every now and then, when we are among ourselves, call me Endymion, okay?"
Jadeite didn't answer.
"Jadeite, look at me! Talk to me! Say my name! Just once! Even if you don't remember me much! But I loved you every day of your life, that should mean something to you."
Jadeite's eyes narrowed, but he didn't respond.
Mamoru came so close he almost touched his Guardian. Jadeite made a step back, but Mamoru followed.
"Jadeite, you are hurting my feelings. There was a time when we have been like brothers. I really care for you. Say my name, Jadeite, just once. Say 'Endymion'. Please!"
But the one who cared, who mattered to Jadeite was the one who had reached out for him in a previous life, a few precious perfect moments of fulfillment before the world had caved in. Kunzite had said it. If you remember, then instead of Beryl-sama controlling your mind will be that man instead. He would not remember, would not replace her. The Master held his admiration, his devotion, but he would not hold his heart.
There must be something that belongs to me, only to me... I will not give up one past for another... I will not betray what I have sworn... I will not be told what is real and what not...
"Jadeite!" cried Mamoru, and in a desperate attempt he snatched the young man into his arms like he had done so many times ever since he could remember.
With a yell of fury, Jadeite pushed him away with both fists.
Something went numb inside Mamoru.
"So... even in this life, you would raise a hand against your Master?" he asked coldly.
Jadeite looked up, surprised and suspicious at the tone he didn't know from his Master. But he did not apologize.
"I would lay down my life for you, Master," he said in an unemotional, matter-of-factly way.
"But you can't even say my name."
Jadeite didn't answer.
"Or stand my touch?"
Jadeite remained silent, turning his head away from him.
"That doesn't give your claim to be a loyal Guardian much credit. I will not have that. How am I going to trust you like this? You will have to learn to endure. Frustration... Closeness... Contact. Me."
He lifted a hand and gently brought it down on Jadeite's slim neck. Jadeite stiffened immediately.
"See what I mean?The more you are trying to avoid this, the more you are telling me how much you need it," said the Master with a grim smile and started to caress Jadeite's neck with his fingers until Jadeite's skin was covered in goosebumps and he started to squirm away from the touch.
Finally, Jadeite tried to step away from him.
"Stay!" ordered his Master, and he froze. "You are allowed to leave when I tell you so. We are not done yet. You will have a lot to learn, Jadeite. First lesson: Never raise a hand against me ever again. Have you got that?"
Jadeite didn't respond, and the Master let his hand slip into Jadeite's hair, ruffling it a bit, something that usually made Jadeite jump. With a grunt, Jadeite tried to turn his head away, but the Master's hand just followed.
"Have you got that?" he repeated.
"Shhh... should have killed you while I had the chance," hissed Jadeite.
"What was that?" asked the Master, not so much angry as rather surprised. Jadeite kicking back had never happened before. He laughed. "Yes, you maybe should have. But you couldn't. Every time we fought, you held back. Only with the life draining crystal you could harm me, because you wouldn't have had to look me in the face when my life would have been taken. Because you were mine. You have always been mine. Even when you remembered nothing of the Earth Kingdom."
"No! I serve you! But I am not your posession. I decide who I belong to."
And I already decided.
The Master grabbed his neck and pushed him against the wall so that he hit it face first, and kept him there, with an iron grip around his neck. Jadeite moaned.
"We will see about that, Jadeite."
"I can hear her in your voice," said Jadeite calmly.
"What?"
That hadn't been the reaction that the Master had expected.
Jadeite even managed a slight lopsided smile, ignoring the pain.
"Metallia. I hear her. You haven't got her powers any more, but you have the memories. Memories like this are powerful. I hear her in your voice, I see her in your eyes, and in the twitch of your mouth. In battle, when you suddenly get quiet, and then fight fiercer than you normally would. Or when you demand to face a powerful enemy on your own. I have spent a lifetime poisoned by Metallias powers. I would recognize her everywhere."
"And that is the reason why you are scared of me?"
"I am not scared, Master."
But he was. Terribly.
He flinched when the Master used his other hand to pull around his head by the hair, and he shivered when the Master brought his mouth to his ear and hissed:
"What did I ask you to call me?"
"M-Master..."
He froze when the Master opened the clasp of his belt in his back and slid one hand under his clothes.
"Want to think that over again?"
"No, Master... aah..."
He knew he was firing his Master's anger, but he would endure it. For it drove him even further from the man who had once left him for the Moon Princess, and another time for Metallia.
For it brought forth instead, with crystal clear brilliance, the picture of a terrifying and magnificent queen.
His choice.
His life.
His death.
For it was for her, it didn't matter when his skin burnt and his voice yelled out the pain from what Metallia's rage did. What a pointless thing, to teach him endurance, he had endured it all, and still could endure everything, for her, for the one perfect moment of all his lives, filling his entire consciousness, for the one memory that was truly his, for the only thing that had remained.