Perhaps One Day
"As far as I am concerned he is incapable of real feelings"
He does not love her.
He cannot love her. He doesn't even know her.
He is incapable of love.
She consoles herself with that thought even as she knows it is a lie. She remembers those brief moments of brotherly affection she witnessed occasionally when he was around Rebekah and she knows it is a lie. But it is all she has to comfort herself when they continually plot his downfall. She cannot admit his capacity for love because then she would have to care. Then he could not be her enemy. If he is capable of love he is capable of loving her and then she will be capable of loving him. That is unacceptable.
So he does not love her.
"I fancy you"
Although she will not admit it a small part of her delights in his attention and the affection he bestows on her. For once she is someone's priority and not Elena. She is the one he chooses to court and he is so unlike everyone else. He is gentleman, when he gazes his attention remains firmly on her face, he takes small pleasures in the way he can make it light up. This should surprise her but it does not, he is a murderer and he does not care about who he hurts yet he treats her with such delicacy. Not in the annoying, stifling way Damon treats Elena but in a way that she knows he is afraid he will lose her and shatter the illusion he has created for himself.
He does not coddle her because he knows she can take care of herself and does not hide the truth from her or make light of his intentions. It is a welcome relief.
But when she ends up sobbing in the face of his anger when he confronts her about her recent betrayal he is the one who comforts her.
He is the one to reassure her that he will not abandon her because he understands and he knows what family means.
They are her family but she wonders if they would say the same if their positions were reversed.
"I don't know"
But she does know why she kept it. It is because she is Caroline and she is neurotic and insecure. She needs people to reassure her and tell her she is beautiful and his drawing does that. It is a constant reminder that someone once thought she was perfect. No matter what happens in the years to come she will always have that drawing to reassure her that he thinks she is beautiful. She will see what he sees, the admiration and beauty that captivated him. She does not say that picture is made more special because it is Klaus and he is not supposed to care, it makes her feel special and maybe a little light headed because all he wants is to destroy them all and preserve himself.
She is capable of making him feel and that in itself reassures her of her worth.
And if he can love her, why can't others?
"Ssh, it's okay, it's okay. It's me, it's okay. You're safe"
He saved her.
The rational part of her says he was not the one who saved her. Elena is. But he did save her because she was panicked and afraid, she was out of Alaric's torture chamber but she had left Elena behind, Elena who had come here with the purpose of saving her. She owed it to her to go back and she would have but he stopped her. He saved her from herself, calmed her and held her until she could think clearly.
She had never been more grateful to see him. He made her feel safe in that moment and she had never been surer of his feelings for her.
He wanted her to be safe and he would not leave until he had ensured it. No one else asked after her because she was not Elena and Elena had not been tortured. But that was okay because he had and she had seen the pain in his eyes when he could not be the one to carry her home and ply her with attention just to reassure himself that she was there. He could not do that, but she knew he wanted to.
When she watched him leave she prayed he would come back again because in that moment she realised she needed him and 'thank you' was no longer enough.
"You should be nicer to me"
She threw a victory party for his demise and then it was okay. He was gone and Elena was safe. They were alive. He was not dead.
She had toyed with the idea of helping him, she had thought of disregarding all that had happened and waking him regardless of what that meant. But decided against it. She would still be around in a hundred years when his siblings woke him and maybe he would be angry with her. Too furious to remember all the things he promised or maybe he would be thankful that she had not interfered. That once again he would be forgiving and if they crossed paths he would be thankful to see her. Maybe his face would light up and he would be eager to show her the world just as he had been before.
She imagined he would still love her, even if he only shows it when his face contorts with pain when he sees her.
His anger would be enough to show he still cared.
"But you're strong, and you have a beautiful future ahead of you"
When she goes to Tyler she does not know what to expect. She is looking for comfort and she will not receive it anywhere else. He mistakes her tears for herself at first and it seems to confuse him when she states they are not, he appears inquisitive for a second, as if he did not understand and then it passes. The reaction is strange but she soon forgets it with his next words.
He does not know it is Klaus she cries for.
When Tyler tells her she is strong she can almost pretend it is him. It sounds so much like something he would say and for a moment she imagines that everything is okay.
Until it is not and it is Tyler holding her and not him.
But he does not die and a small part of her wants to know why he is alive when he is not.
It doesn't seem fair that Tyler should survive when Klaus has died.
"No, it's not me that I'm worried about"
They questioned her about Klaus. They wanted to understand why she wasn't happy he was gone. Everyone had survived; even Tyler and they no longer had to worry about Alaric. They're enemies were gone. Apparently they didn't know there was a family of originals out for their blood. It didn't matter that Klaus had kept them all in coffins at some point or another or for varying amounts of time, they were family-and they had murdered their brother. They had rendered him incapable of defending himself.
They wanted revenge, to see them all suffer; Rebekah who had claimed she wanted nothing more to do with her brother, Kol who loved nothing more than to anger him, to provoke him. Even the honourable Elijah who seemed to hang on every word Elena said, the one who had originally helped them wanted to see them dead.
And she was okay with that.
"Small town boy, Small town life;it won't be enough for you"
Some days she couldn't even look Tyler in the eyes. He was a constant reminder of the choices she made and she felt the guilt of being with him weighing her down. He could sense her slipping away from him and she knew he didn't understand. How could he, she told him that she loved him.
She lied. At first, when she recovered from the shock of seeing him
It almost crushes her when she has to tell him goodbye as she knows this is the last time she will ever have a conversation with him which does not involve bitter looks and hurtful accusations of betrayal. She knows they will be true but in her heart she knows it was not him she betrayed but a man named Niklaus who only ever wanted to show her the world.
She is wrong about Tyler. He keeps visiting and she can tell he still does not understand why he lost her, maybe if he knew the truth he would stop visiting.
His persistence in staying her friend startles her and is a reminder of his strange, un-Tyler-like behaviour lately. He appears more mature. She will not say it is an unwelcome change, only that it came too late.
She has heard near death events can change people.
It has changed her.
"You're beautiful, you're strong, you're full of light. I enjoy you"
She watched with heavy heart as they conferred about Elena's new vampire status. Nobody would attempt to kill her. She watched as anger consumed them over Rebekah's actions and all she could think about was how all of it had been for nothing, had they let Damon turn her before Klaus would still be alive.
It did not matter that Elena may not. It was their actions in defence of her that led to his death.
She listened as they plotted revenge upon Rebekah but she wanted no part of it. In truth, she felt a keen sense of sympathy for the girl who had lost yet another member of her family, the brother who she had stayed with throughout it all-the one she loved most, despite all his faults. She could not condemn her for something she could have easily done. She had wanted to protect Elena and now she wished she hadn't. So when they finalised their plans she left to warn the Original family.
Another betrayal to add to her list.
She didn't feel this one as keenly as the last. Rebekah and her had been on their way to forming a tentative friendship, Klaus death hadn't quite destroyed that. She saw Rebekah as a bitterer version of her.
She wondered if that was why he had first taken an interest in her-because she reminded him of how Rebekah used to be, before they were vampires.
Maybe that was why he had taken such care to ensure the spark within her remained.
He wanted to do for her what he never could for Rebekah.
"I'm too smart to be seduced by you"
Surprisingly it is Damon who is the first one to finally understand why she has withdrawn into herself ever since his death. She does not feel the need to add that every time she sees Elena her mind starts chanting.
Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.
Over and over again, because its true he died for her and it is a welcome relief to have someone other than herself to blame.
Everyone seems horrified by the revelation and there is a lot of pleading, mainly from Elena , to tell her it's not true and convictions that clearly she must have been compelled.
Bonnie seems all too willing to believe she is the big bad vampire and wants to immediately cut all ties. She doesn't stop her.
Stefan just wants to help because he's Stefan and she is something to be fixed.
Jeremy wants to remove his sister from the presence of a bad influence because he killed Aunt Jenna and she knows if he ever does go all rogue vampire hunting insane she's his first victim.
Matt simply leaves because he doesn't know how to cope anymore and she thinks that hurts the most.
She thinks Damon seems to get it though, he just hands her a drink and carries her home.
This time he is the one to hold her as she sobs.
She notices that Tyler remains strangely silent throughout it all.
"you could have a thousand more birthdays"
Everything reminded her of him, his ghost was inescapable. She could feel her life slowly slipping away and there was no one there to rekindle the dwindling fire within her. It all seems so pointless now he was not here to give her a purpose, to inspire life within her.
She knew she should leave Mystic Falls.
She wanted to leave, needed to leave. But she had nowhere to go. She could go to all the places he named, all the great cities-but he wouldn't be there to guide her. She wouldn't know what to look out for; she would have no one to teach her its history or culture. She would be lost and everything would be meaningless because every time she entered an art exhibit or stopped to appreciate the architecture of any grand, historic building or monument she would be constantly reminded that he would have appreciated it more, that if he were there he would be able to talk about it for hours. Pointing out the finer details and filling in the gaps of her knowledge.
She would always be wondering if he had liked it here if it had changed a lot since he'd last been there.
"I'll take you, anywhere you want. Rome, Paris, Tokyo."
He was supposed to be there, always. He was meant to be invincible, immortal. But in the end he was not. He would not be the one to show her the world anymore, to show her what genuine beauty really was. To tell her stories of a world long gone with princesses almost as beautiful as her. She would never get to see all the magnificent things he had because he was the one who was meant to show them to her. He was the artist, the man who had lived through it all. He was the man who was supposed to help her appreciate life, the art and the music.
Damon and Stefan wouldn't be able to, he was the only one. Damon was too busy pining after Katherine to take any enjoyment in life and all Stefan was concerned about was blood, true ripper that he was. He had no time for anything else, even Klaus couldn't change that and why would he want to.
Now they're both too absorbed in Elena to care about anything that they'd missed out on.
"I've thought about it once or twice over the centuries, truth be told"
They had killed him. She had killed him
She toyed with her ring. It was ridiculous wasn't it, to want to die all because someone you were supposed to hate, someone you had every right to hate had died. She still wanted to hate him, hate him for leaving her when she needed him. She hated that his death affected her like that.
She felt empty and lost without him. She hated that she'd never again see him leaning up against her doorway as she pulled into her drive. He'd never again seek her out at The Grill with the sole purpose of buying her a drink; his eyes would follow her around the bar until they met hers. He never approached her when she was with her friends but he'd stay at the bar watching her until she joined him. He'd leave then but he'd always reappear to walk her home, he claimed he wanted to see her home safely. He always seemed eager to spend time with her and now he couldn't.
She wondered if he had been lonely.
She was.
She didn't want to spend the endless eternity alone without him but she'd promised to try because Rebekah didn't want to lose anyone else and someone needed to keep an eye on Damon now that Elena had chosen Stefan once again. Nobody else would.
She didn't think Klaus would appreciate any attempts to end her life when he'd fought so hard to retain his.
Still, she missed him and some days it was all she could do to get out of bed. When she did she'd find Damon and get drunk, just to forget her misery for a while. It never worked and she thinks they just made each other more miserable. She doesn't know how that's even possible.
Sometimes Kol joins them.
She's having another one of those days and she's making plans to call Damon because her mom isn't there and she doesn't know how to deal with her daughter's new attitude. She's rarely at home these days. She doesn't want to watch her daughter sink further into depression and she can't pull her out of it. It's kind of like a scene from twilight, except her Edward didn't just leave her. He was killed and he doesn't get to come back at the end.
Except he does.
She's trying to find a bottle of bourbon her mom's hidden because she doesn't want to come home to find her and Damon drunk again, lying on the living room floor ranting about their misfortune when she hears his voice. At first, she's convinced she's mistaken and when she turns and sees him she's sure she's hallucinating because in the days that followed his death she saw him everywhere.
But she's not and he's there calling her sweetheart and before he can move she's launched herself into his arms.
And he's not angry or pained or anything like she imagined, he just cups her face tenderly and gazes into her eyes and they're so filled with love that it's all she can do not to cry.
She doesn't question his return because this is Mystic Falls and people come back all the time and she's surprised she didn't see it coming before.
But it doesn't matter because he's there and she's with him.
And they finally have forever.