Kensi's Journal.
March 5th, 2014 10:45pm - Afghanistan
Okay..so I was laying in my bunker thinking about what Deeks was doing. When Granger came into the room telling me to get dressed that we had a case. I was suppose to call Deeks in an hour but it looks like he will have to wait. I really do miss him. He is my everything, it's getting harder and harder with each day. Its like I'm loosing a piece of myself everyday as the distance between us is getting bigger. I have missed four holidays and his birthday since being here. I wish I could tell him exactly how much he means to me but the words just don't want to come out.
Sabatino is still avoiding me. Yeah, I know I swear he's hiding something from us. He is either White Ghost or he's somehow involved with him. Granger and I head out into the desert again and it made me think of how much Deeks hates the desert or rather anywhere not in the city or Los Angeles near the water. We rode on horse back to the area where Sabatino left me at. It didn't look good for our chopper. No, bodies and nothing left for us to look at because they took everything from the chopper. We headed back to base camp and information about White Ghost. So got my sniper rifle and got on a bike and headed to the place White Ghost was at. I was laying down looking through my scope with Granger in my ear yelling to take the shot if I had it. I watched his every move I was ready for this to be over. Until he pulled down the cloth under his nose that covered his mouth. I was in shock not sure what to do. Jack...why did it have to be you. I shot at him and missed on purpose..thats right Badass Blye missed the shot on purpose. I grabbed my stuff and got out of there.
Ganger wanted to know if I got the White Ghost. But I told him I missed. I don't think he believed me. I felt like my world got turned upside down. I had to get away from everyone so I showed. I don't know how long I stayed in the shower crying. Why now Jack when things were going great with Deeks and we were working on our thing. Why..did you have to show up now and as the enemy. Maybe, I was there for him enough or I didn't see the signs that he was going into a darker place that I couldn't reach to pull him back. As guilty as I feel I'm not going to let Deeks do that..follow that path. I will do anything for him to keep him from falling into the darkness of his torture several months back. He had Monty but she wished and dreamed every night that she was with them.
Laying in my bunker getting ready to sleep. She didn't think she could talk to Deeks right now without him wondering what was wrong. And then he would worry, but she worried about him, too. What if he had to go undercover and he wouldn't be able to talk to her for a while. She would even be his back up. She hatex this mission..they were messing everything up in her life. The one constant thing in her life was Deeks and she was not giving him up. Goodnight, Deeks. I know he wont see this but i will make it up to him tomorrow with lots of chatter and bad jokes. I know he will like that. Just thinking about our night together and how adorable he is when he's sleeping. I can't help but smile.
~ Kensi Blye - Fern loves her Max.