I'm VERY tired, and even though I have checked in numerous times it's probably still littered with mistakes. So if you spot lots of them let me know and I'll correct them!
It had been Naboo who'd suggest they all go out for the day. It had been Naboo who'd offered Howard and Vince a paid vacation day. It had been Naboo who'd found solutions to any little problems that had cropped up and as the shaman pushed the family out of the door, Howard felt sure Naboo had been trying to get rid of them.
"Don't be stupid Howard." Vince said when Howard voiced his thoughts. "He just wants us to have a nice trip out as a family. Jonesy, drop that. Yucky!" Vince warned the child as he picked up a plain brown t-shirt in the shop opposite the park. Vince had insisted they pop in for a second to check if his jacket had come in to yet and they'd promptly lost their children in the hustle and bustle of the frantic shoppers.
"I think that's very nice Jones." Howard countered but Jones was already screwing up his face as his podgy little fingers allowed the garment to slip to the floor.
"Vin-Vin might like." he said, clutching his favourite toy baby Gregg close to his chest. He never went anywhere with out that ragged old thing.
"Mmm, maybe." Vince nodded, "Go and ask him."
Their smallest son nodded his head and his little legs took him quickly to find his brothers. For such a small person, Jones was incredibly quick. All the children were, as Naboo had discovered yesterday when the boys had broke into his potion cupboard and spilt the liquid bottles everywhere. Of course it had been Richmond who was both brave and stupid enough to drink the bottle of purple liquid. Neither Vince nor Howard had mentioned Richmond's new spiderman-like abilities to climb walls and hang from ceilings to Naboo. But it was that evening that Naboo had mentioned a day out for the Noir-Moon's.
"I can't see any of our children now Vince." Howard groaned as Jones' purple girls trouser leg disappeared around the tie rack.
"It's okay." Vince smiled, "They know exactly how to behave in shops."
"Yes, coz you take them to shops far too often. They're only three."
"Never too young to start shopping Howard."
"Do they even enjoy it?"
"Yeah." Vince insisted but was immediately contradicted by Vinward who ran over and said;
"M'bored in shop now. Wanna see duck. Quack quack." He raced off doing duck impressions.
"Okay." Howard smiled, "Go and find out if Richmond and Jones want to see the ducks as well."
"Umm," Vinward turned round and yelled. "JONES, MICHMON' DADDY TAKE ME TO SEE DUCK! YOU WANNA COME TOO?"
Howard closed his eyes in despair as everyone turned to look at the three of them but Vince just giggled as from nowhere two identical three year old boys appeared, bright eye and panting slightly.
--
Vince and Howard sat on the bench, carefully watching their son's as they threw duck seed at the animals. It had been peaceful for a while with just the odd warning of;
"Don't go too close to the water."
And
"Boys, stop quacking. You don't know what you're saying to them and that last bit was quite offensive."
But it couldn't last. Peace never lasted when these three were concerned. Howard , however, had forgotten this and had even felt contented enough to loll his head back over the back of the bench. His eyes slipped shut, encouraged by the warm sunlight beating down on his face. He felt Vince snuggle up next to him, his eyes still firmly watching the boys like a hawk. Howard heard Vince sigh happily until he felt the younger man sit up like a rabbit who's heard approaching pray.
"What's happening?" Howard asked sleepily as one eye opened lazily.
"I think Jones is taking the mick out Vinward." Vince said, leaning closer to the unfolding action.
"Oh well. That's character building." Both eyes closed again.
"Yeah but…"
Vince was cut off by a high-pitched scream and a howling cry as tiny little feet began to leg it away from the pond. Howard looked up, just in time to see Jones, running as fast as his little legs would carry him away from a pack of ravenous ducks hot on his little heels.
"What happened?" he groaned.
"I don't know." replied Vince, leaping to his feet to run after his son. They both knew Howard would never catch him.
Vince soon caught up with Jones and lifted him high into the air away from vicious ducks, Howard looked at Richmond and Vinward.
"What happened?" he asked angrily. Richmond pointed accusatorily at his brother and Vinward just collapsed to the floor in giggles.
What had happened was that Jones had spotted a large duck with an area of darker feathers above it's beak. He'd fed it, giggling with delight and saying;
"You look like Vin-Vin." before trying to pet it like a dog.
"Stop it. He doesn't look like me." Vinward had protested.
"Does! Got your tache. Here Vin-Vin. Yummy food. Mmmm. Yum yum." Jones had grinned, holding out a handful of duck-feed. "I wonder if real Vin-Vin like food too." he'd then pushed his sticky hand, covered in seed and god knew what else up under Vinward's nose and laughed gleefully as some bits of seed wedged themselves in his brother's moustache.
"Stupid tache." Jones giggled as he returned his attention to Vin-Vin the duck. "I like you better than real Vin-Vin." he promised the duck. "I see if Daddy take you home instead of Vin-Vin. Coz they think you is him."
Quack!
Jones giggled. "You talk 'ike him. Quack! Quack, quack."
Suddenly, Vinward lost it. He stood up very calmly and, to the sound of Richmond saying; Oh. That's not very nice, Vinward tipped his entire packet of seed over Jones' head and more dramatically his precious hair. Had that not been bad enough, the ducks were suddenly transformed into nightmarish monsters and started to peck at their seed covered prey with little distinction between seeds and flesh. That's when Jones had taken flight.
"Get away." Vince growled, kicking at the ducks that surrounded him and Jones, who's face was all red and blotchy from crying. He rubbed one of his eyes with a little fist and sniffed sorrowfully, glaring at Vinward hatefully. Vince tried to put Jones down once he'd told the ducks (in their own tongue) to politely go away but the little boy was not going anywhere near the floor as long as he could see a duck. He clung fearfully at Vince's sleeve, arms and legs working together so he was locked onto Vince like a stubborn limpet. Eventually, Howard said Jones could sit on his shoulders for a bit. He stayed there for the rest of the day.
After that, Vince decided to buy them all ice-cream, to cheer them all up a bit. Howard chuckled to himself, Vince had made almost as much mess with his lolly as the boys had with theirs. Well, typically, Richmond hadn't even dropped the tiniest bit but Vinward had got more of his 99 down his top than he had in his mouth. Vince had had to take him to the toilets to clean him up.
When they'd come back, the first thing Vince had noticed was Howard, bright red and fuming as Richmond rummaged through the bag they'd brought with them searching for some wet wipes. It took Vince a moment of two to register that Jones had dropped his rocket lolly right into his dad's wispy brown hair but as soon as it did click, Vince, unhelpfully, found himself crippled with laughter. He was in hysterics as he watched the sticky juice ran down the side of Howard's face.
"Oh Howard." he laughed, walking over and leaning on his partner as his stomach cramped up from laughing so much. "Oh, you're covered in juice. Ow." he gasped between breath stealing laughs. "Ow. I hurt." Richmond tugged on Vince's belt and handed his dad the packet of wet wipes.
"Thanks Richie." he said, trying to scupper the giggles.
"Richmond." the child corrected. Vince was trying desperately to get his son to respond to the name Richie but so far he'd rejected it entirely.
"And you're welcome. I'm surprised you were organised enough to bring wet wipes." the little boy added.
Vince cocked an eyebrow at his sun and then turned to cleaning up Howard. It often surprised his parents how much quicker Richmond was than his brothers at learning everything. He'd learnt to walk first, talk first use the potty himself first. He was streets ahead. Vince had even tried to accuse Naboo of doing some voodoo on their son but the shaman was having none of it.
Vince took the wet wipe and slowly removed the juice running down Howard's face.
"You know." Vince whispered in Howard's ear. "I can thing of better ways to get all this sticky juice of you." And with that his little pink tongue darted out and licked a droplet off Howard's cheek before anyone could see. Well, so he thought. The three ERRRRRR's suggested maybe it wasn't as discreet as he'd hoped. Though that didn't stop Howard shivering at the gesture and reaching out to pull Vince close to him until their bodies were pressed together.
"When we get home." Howard said and Vince beamed, like he'd won some great victory. That was until Jones wrapped a tiny, sticky paw in Vince's hair and said;
"Get away. Err. Gross."
And, of course, this had led to serious hair drama. Howard had thought Vince was going to explode with anger but he managed to keep calm with Jones. Well, as calm as a grown man, who's screaming and running around like a headless chicken can. Howard thought it hadn't been this bad since Richmond had thrown up in his hair not long after they were born.
Vince had been in the public toilets 'sorting out the mess' for ages. Howard was just left to wait a few yards away from the door, keeping an eye on their sons. Jones was pulling at his hair singing a little song he'd made up, which consisted mainly of the rhyme;
"Daddy's hair like brown smoke,
Vin-Vin give Richie a poke."
Howard looked down at his other two sons and, sure enough, Vinward was poking Richmond repeatedly with a very long stick. Richmond was just staring mystically into the distance. It took Howard a while to really register the slightly bizarre scene ahead of him. He took the stick from Vinward, only to have it stolen from him by a clever pair of hands, belonging to the boy on his shoulders. Jones then started to tap Howard on the side with the stick, shouting;
"Faster. Giddyup gee-gee."
Howard thought for a split second about humouring his son but it was hot, the sun was burning through his corduroy trousers and cooking him slowly. He could still feel the stickiness of ice lolly leftovers in his hair. His neck was aching from carrying Jones around all day and now he'd spent a good quarter of an hour lurking outside the men's toilets like some kind of pervert. Quite frankly he wasn't in the mood to be a 'gee-gee'.
"No." Howard snapped, ripping the stick from Jones' grasp and throwing in angrily to the ground. Of course Vinward immediately picked it up and resumed his tentative poking of his spaced-out brother.
Vince emerged from the toilet a few minutes later wearing what was unmistakably a hat made from those blue paper towels people use to dry their hands with. Howard eyed it and had just opened his mouth to say something when Vince hissed in a murderous tone;
"Don't. Mention it!"
The older man nodded dumbly. He'd never seen Vince look so scary.
"We're going home. Now." Vince spat.
Howard nodded again and gathered his family to leave.
They could almost feel Naboo's disappointment as they strolled through the door to the flat. Well Howard, and Vinward to a certain extent, strolled. The other two boys were being carried by their father. Vince neither strolled nor was carried. He positively flew through the door up the stairs and into the bathroom to sort out his precious coiffure before anyone could even take breath to speak. By the time Vince had decided he was happy with his hair, Bollo had cleared a space in the garden and Howard had set up a paddling pool to keep the kids cool in the blistering sunshine. Vince walked outside to see his sons plastered in suntan lotion, so that each looked slightly like a melting snowman, and playing in the pool. Well, maybe playing wasn't entirely the word.
Richmond was getting in the pool, sitting down and then getting back out again over and over, with no obvious reason behind it. Vinward was sat playing battleships. So far the submarine was shooting everything including Baby Gregg, which had meant Jones had taken the it into his hands to make the submarine fly through the air, straight into a wall. Vinward was now playing with a slightly dented submarine and was not going anywhere near Baby Gregg. Jones was sat washing Baby Gregg and had a flowery shower cap on his head. Howard was just sat on a chair with his back to Vince watching to make sure no one drowned.
"Where did you get that pool?" giggled Vince, wrapping his arms around Howard's neck.
"Oh. Hey. Bollo found it in the attic. Nice shower?" he asked sleepily as he rubbed Vince's arms.
"Mmm, yeah. You could probably do with one too."
"I know." grumbled Howard, "Today was more stressful than being home."
"Yep." agreed the smaller man. "Why is Jones wearing a cap?"
"Apparently his hair will go frizzy and he straightened it this morning."
"Clever boy." remarked Vince, with more pride than perhaps a man should have at the sight of his son in a flowery, old ladies shower cap. "What's Richmond doing?" he asked suddenly as he watched Richmond stand up an get out of the pool for the hundredth time.
"God knows." laughed Howard "Rich." he called to the boy, "Why don't you just stay in the pool?"
"The pool's only at the exact temperature I like for 1.3 seconds. Then I have to get out and let it warm up again."
Vince's jaw dropped so far Howard felt it on his shoulder and the older man said; "Okay. You carry on." and then to Vince; "Are we sure he's only three?"
He could feel Vince nodding against his cheek and turned his head to get a better view of the younger man. Just then, a light breeze blew, sending wafts of strawberries, kiwi, mango, papaya and all manner of exotic smelling soaps and hair products straight up Howard's nostrils.
"Mmm." he said slowly, closing his eyes and breathing deeply, "you smell nice."
"Yeah. Wish I could say the same for you, small eyes." he said, kissing Howard clumsily on the cheek. "You go and get washed and I'll get Bollo to give me a hand bringing them in for bed."
--
The kids listened to Bollo. He seemed to have this way of getting things done with them. They might have even been a little scared of him. Before Howard knew it, his three sons were drinking their milkshakes; chocolate for Vinward, strawberry for Jones, plane for Richmond and were on their way to bed.
Vince laid Vinward gently in his brown and beige cot. Bollo put 'precious Jones' into his crib, which was glittery, purples, pinks, yellows, blues all the colours of a psychedelic rainbow. Howard paused to kiss Richmond on the forehead before lowering him into his black cot. Bollo quickly left, allowing Vince and Howard to say goodnight.
"Daddy." a very sleepy voice from Jones' cot said.
"Mm?" Howard mumbled, low and quiet. The voice he used when they were going to bed, the voice that unfailingly sent them to sleep.
"Can you tell us a" - yawn- "story?"
"Oh. I don't know." Howard said, "It's very late. I'm feeling sleepy myself."
"Please Daddy." Jones begged.
"I'd quite like a story Dad." Richmond whispered.
"Mm. The one about the arctic tundra." Vinward agreed.
"Yeah." Jones chimed, with as much enthusiasm as a three year old on the brink of sleep could muster.
"I'm not sure."
"Oh, come on Howard." smiled Vince, dragging the older man to sit on the floor next to him. "Tell us the story. What happened in the arctic?"
Howard slid down the wall and smiled as Vince rested his head lazily on his shoulder.
"Right." he began, "Are we all comfortable?"
"Yeah." came four simultaneous replies.
"Okay. Once upon a time, in a zooniverse far, far away, there lived a man. A great and powerful man, with a fabulous moustache. And his name was-"
"Dixon Bainbridge."
"Vince!"
"Sorry." the smaller man said. His heavy lids prevented him from opening his eyes but the cheeky smile on his face was still present.
"Now, where was I? Oh yes, a powerful, great man. He was king of the keepers and his name was-"
"Vince Noir."
"Vince!"
"Sorry!"
"Are you telling this story or am I?"
"You. Go on. I wont interrupt again. I promise."
"Well, I don't think I have to continue anyway. The boys are all asleep."
"Keep going." Vince mumbled, shuffling a bit until he was leaning comfortably against Howard. "Tell me the story."
"You've heard the story. You were there with me!"
"I wanna hear how it ends."
"It doesn't end. That's the beauty of it. I mean, we're still living it right now. Me and you," he pressed a kiss into Vince's hair, "and our beautiful, beautiful sons."
"Mmm." Vince agreed drowsily. "Come on small eyes. A zooniverse far away a great and powerful man named…"
"Howard Moon. Though he wouldn't have been as great and powerful if it hadn't been for his sidekick," he paused, waiting for the protest. None came. Vince must be tired, so Howard corrected himself, unprompted "his best friend, Vince Noir... One day, Howard a world renowned global explorer, whisked the beautiful Vince Noir off to the Artic in pursuit of the egg of Mantwmbi. Little did they know, the evil, fowl, disgusting, horrible Dixon Bainbridge was hot on their heels in his own evil, fowl, disgusting, horrible quest for the egg…"
Vince heard Howard's words fading slightly, though he wasn't sure if that meant he or Howard had fallen asleep. He loved to hear Howard recount tales of their adventures together. He always gave them a slightly, more successful twist that the originals. Like in this one, Vince and Howard would the egg of Mantwbi and it was the real one, no fakes, no Bainbridge just national acclaim. But some stories didn't need a more successful twist, like this one… the story they were still living. No one would ever find the perfect ending to the domesticated bliss in which they now found themselves.
But for now, lets end it here.
Review Please? xx