The IPod Touch
(Jerry and Melissa sit on the couch in Jerry's apartment, not talking to each other. Mel is looking at something on her IPod Touch. Jerry looks over her shoulder, she hides the screen and Jerry frowns.)
Jerry: Are you writing something about me?
Mel: No. Maybe. Yes.
Jerry: Is it something good?
Mel: It's not just good, it's gooood!
Jerry: It's not good at all, is it?
Mel: No, no it isn't.
(Enter now George)
George: GEORGE IS FEELIN' AMAZING!
Mel: Why, did ya get engaged again?
George: No!
Mel: Well then?
George: I finally found my purpose in life!
Jerry: I never knew something like that existed.
George: Ha-ha, Jerry, but it does and I found it! I'M SINGING WITH CARRIE!
Mel: What?
Jerry: You're singing,
Mel: With Kramer's girlfriend?
George: no, they're just friends now.
Mel: Oh…
(Carrie enters like Kramer) (Jerry goes to say something, but Carrie points at everyone and yells,)
Carrie: YOU ARE KILLING INDEPENDENT CARRIE!
George: But we didn't—
Carrie: CAN IT COSTANZA! LOOK AT ME! IMMA WRECK!
Jerry: Oh god.
Carrie: What?
Jerry:…
George: We don't wanna talk about it.
Carrie: Okay…
(The next day, Monk's café)
(Kramer and Elaine are sitting in a booth, and Elaine is tapping on the table.)
Elaine: Just friends, huh?
Kramer: It was turning into the world's theory all over again.
(Jerry and Melissa enter now) (They sit down)
Mel: Hello, Kramer.
Jerry: Did you hear about George's new career?
Kramer: What?
Mel: George is a singer.
Jerry: he did a duet with Carrie.
(Kramer's jaw dropped :O He grabbed the mustard and squirted it into his coffee) (Melissa takes it from him)
Mel: Here, let me use that. (Throws it all in Jerry's face)
Jerry: AHH IT BURNS!
(Later at Jerry's apartment)
(Jerry is still wiping the coffee-mustard off of his burning face. Elaine is watching him)
Jerry: I still don't see why she had to throw coffee in my face.
Elaine: What's the big deal?
Jerry: MY FACE IS BURNING, ELAINE! BURNING!
(Newman knocks on the door; Jerry gets up and opens it.)
Jerry: Hello, Newman.
Newman: Hello Jerry. (Steps inside, deliberately pushing Jerry)
Jerry: What are you doing here, anyway?
Newman: Good question, Seinfeld. As you may remember about fourteen years ago you were sent to prison. And boy was I glad. I was so glad I almost jumped through the roof. But then…you reappeared. And, oooh boy was I mad. Now I will make every second I get, to grab your life and rip it into pieces , and steal the things you love the MOST AND REDUCE THEM INTO NOTHING FOR A CRIMINAL LIKE YOU DOES NOT DESERVE THE RIGHTS OF—
Elaine: NEWMAN!
Newman: Anyway, *Clears throat* When the lights of life are turned off, I will be there, hiding in the shadows, awaiting my victory! (Leaves) MUHAHAHAHAHA!
Jerry: I hate him. (Thing buzzes) Who is it?
George: *From outside* It's George.
Jerry: Yeah, come on up.
(Enter George) (George's hair is messed up, his glasses are crooked and his pants have been pulled up to his chest.)
Jerry: Are you serious?
George: Help. Me.
Elaine: What happened?
George: Mel and Carrie whooped my butt.
(Enter Melissa and Carrie)
Jerry: No, no, no, no, get her out of my apartment! (Points at Mel)
Carrie: *Slaps George and takes his glasses and puts them on* Hey, I look like a female George!
George: *takes his glasses back* Shove it, Carrie.
Carrie: Oh, yeah, and George; No one liked the song; they said the guy sounded gay. You're fired. *smiles*
George: What-why?
Jerry: If you were listening General Moron, she explained why.
Mel: If anyone's general moron, it's you, Jerry.
Jerry: No it's not.
Mel: Yes it is.
Jerry: No it's not.
Mel: Yes it is.
George and Carrie: *Pushes them away from each other* what the heck is with you two and always fighting?
(Enter Kramer)
Kramer: *Sees Jerry and Mel on the ground* is this a bad time?
Carrie: No.
Jerry: Yes.
Elaine: *Just watches as everything goes crazy*Boy, things are never boring around here, are they?
Kramer: Tell me about it.
Elaine: It seems like we're the only normal people in this room at the moment.
Kramer: That's what I'm finding hard to believe.
(Mel and Jerry get up) (Jerry walks over to the fridge and grabs a bottle of tomato sauce) (He aims it at everyone in the room)
Jerry: Now unless you guys wanna look like you killed someone I suggest you don't come near me. (Proceeds to his room) Now when I come back, I don't want to see any of you in here. (Closes door.)
(Leave Carrie, Elaine and Mel)
George: I can't believe he threatened us with tomato sauce…
Kramer: Well, you heard him, let's go.
(Leave Kramer and George)
(Enter Jerry and sit down)
Jerry: Finally, some alone time.
(In the hall)
(Carrie walks into an elevator with George and Newman)
Carrie: Well, this is just awkward.
George: *Whispering to Carrie* we can barely fit in here he's that big. *Gestures to Newman*
Newman: *whistles*
George: WILL YOU QUIT IT?!
Newman: *Flicks George* Bad Costanza, bad, bad Costanza.
Carrie: Boys…I'll never understand 'em.
(Elevator opens and they walk out.) (Carrie enters her apartment with George, and Newman enters his own, which is right next door.) (Newman runs out with a cheese burger, a huge smile on his face.) (Newman, turn to the audience)
Newman: MMM CHEESE BURGER! (Run off laughing)
AN: Very short, this is a Play me and my friends did once, some of the characters are OC's.