Plunky V: The Son of Plunky
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "I bet they're not making Dawson's Creek go supernatural for Halloween"
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I don't think I could have a Halloween without a Plunky story. For those not in the know, the Plunky is a series of one-shots every Halloween. Incidentally, I finally drew the Plunky that's in MY head, though how you yourselves see him is up to you. He'll on DA as soon as I can get him up.
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Another year had passed. Plunky and 'Plunkette' had been rather quiet in their attic home, and no young Plunky's had been discovered. Everyone had given up on have little mutant monsters, and had gone back to life, once again, pretending nothing unusual lived in the attic of the Xavier mansion. And so, Halloween arrived again. By now, one would imagine the mutants of Bayville would be ready for the disaster that always befell this time of year. Yeah, there was a snowballs chance in hell.
"Pietro, you are aware that tub is for apple bobbing, yes?"
Pietro turned his head, looking at a worried Piotr. The speedster gave a snort.
"Look, I'm just livening up the party a bit", said Pietro, "And what goes better with apples than CIDER?"
"Cyanide", said Wanda, walking past, "You can't bob for apples in cider, idiot"
"I'm not an idiot!", sulked Pierto, "I happen to be a very bright young man!"
"In which universe, Freaky Freakerson?", shot back Wanda.
"Hey, you're not allowed to call me that!", cried Pietro, "I'm telling! Daaaaaaaaaaad!"
Magneto groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. Why had he agreed to the Acolytes and Brotherhood having a party, and why did he, rather insanely, agree to watch over things. Damnit, this was the sort of stuff he had minions for!
"Stop fighting, now", he said, "You're giving Daddy a migrane"
"She started it", muttered Pietro, flicking some hair out of his eyes.
Magneto looked at his son curiously
"Pietro……son", he said carefully, "Why are you dressed up like a woman?"
"I'm not a woman!", snapped Pietro, "I'm Boy George!"
"He must be some sort of oxymoron, then", mused Magneto
"Oh, get with the TIMES, Dad", said Pietro, waving his arms around.
"I think Dad's right", said Wanda with a smirk, "You look more girly than usual"
"Oh, shut up Miss-No-Costume", muttered Pietro, pouring cider into a punch bowl.
"You're the only one of us wearing a costume, Prat", said Wanda.
"Hey, if no one dunks their head in that, can I set it alight?", asked Pyro hopefully.
"For the last time, I shan't be having any fires tonight!", snapped Magneto, "I bet Charles doesn't have to put with things like this"
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"I bet Erik doesn't have to put up with things like this"
Charles Xavier looked forlornly at his mansion. It looked as if a mini cyclone had gone through it, and for once, Ororo wasn't to blame.
"Well, Plunky never caused this much damage before", protested Jamie glumly, "I don't think he's feeling well. Maybe him and Plunkette had a fight"
"Or maybe he realised he was a mutant monster and decided to do a bit of rampaging!", snapped Scott, "He puked on my car!"
"Your car has had worse happen to it, Scott", pointed out Jean, patting his arm.
"HE HAS ACID VOIMIT!!!"
"Calm down, Scott", said Kurt, "It's not like the Professor doesn't already have a million versions of your car on standby"
"Yeah", agreed Kitty, "It gets destroyed once a week"
"That's besides the point", sulked Scott, "Why is it only ever my car? Why not Jean's SUV, or Logan's Motorbike?"
"If anyone touches my bike, it'll be the last waking thing they'll ever do", grumbled Logan.
"Can we get back to the matter at hand, please?", said Hank, "Plunky is loose in Bayville, AGAIN. We can't push our luck with the town anymore than we already have. Or do we not remember all the last problems he caused us?"
"Sometimes at night, I still wake up screaming", said Forge, his eyes going out of focus.
"No more phone calls from dead girlfriends, please and thank you", whimpered Roberto.
"Red rum. Red rum", said Jamie in a croaky voice, twitching his index finger. (1)
"I think that answers your question, Hank", said Logan, "So lets go bag the little freakshow and get him home"
"Carcokachoo?"
"Not now, Plunky", said Hank, "We're formulating a plan to capt…."
Hank blinked, looking down at the little mutant animal, his mate sitting next to him.
"….Maybe it isn't too early for me to retire to the Bahamas"
"If these two are here", said Rogue slowly, "…What the heck just escaped?"
"And more importantly", said Jamie, pausing for effect, "Where to?"
"Where anything goes when it wants to cause mayhem", snapped Scott, "The Brotherhood House!
"That place is the flame to chaos' moth", nodded Ray
"That was very introspective of you, Ray", said Hank, blinking in surprise.
"Thanks, read it on a cereal packet", smiled Ray.
"Why would the Brotherhood be on a cereal packet?", asked Sam, arching a brow.
"They launched their own brand last month", said Ray, "Brotherhood-Os. There's a free Sharp and Pointy object in each box"
"I'm dreaming, aren't I?", asked Scott, "This is all some kind of horrible nightmare, and soon it'll all go away"
"Keep believing that, Scott", said Bobby with a smile, "Whatever keeps you sane"
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Over in the Brotherhood House, Wanda had locked herself in her bedroom. She'd given the idiots downstairs the notion she was doing something witchy, and not to disturb her. They'd listened, so now she was free to sit back, relax and watch a cinematic masterpiece.
"Gummie beeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaars. Bouncing here and there and everywhere!" (2)
"Creekachee?"
Wanda stopped dead. She's been rustled. She narrowed her eyes at the door to her room.
"Get lost, Pietro, or I'll tell everyone that you dressed up in girls clothes and told everyone to call you Sally!"
"Creekachee"
Wanda blinked. It wasn't coming from the door, it was coming from the closet. She cautiously walked over to it, opening the door with a creek, blinking down at the floor.
"….Oh"
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"What do you mean 'get out of the house, or it'll eat you'?"
Scott took a deep breath, staring at Remy.
"There's only one way I can mean that, Remy", he said, trying to speak in slow, clam tones, the Cajun smelled strongly of cider.
"How do I know you're not just pulling my leg?", asked Remy.
"Don't you remember Plunky?", snapped Scott, "Well, he…sort of bred"
"And his offspring is in that house", said Hank with a nod.
"Oh…goodie", said Magneto dryly, "As if Sabertooth wasn't bad enough"
"Hey, I'm standin' right here!", snapped Sabertooth, then sniffed, "You never care about my feelings. I'm not made of stone, you know"
"Shut up, Victor", said Magneto with a wave of his hand, "Go inside and get rid of the…whatever"
"No ones getting rid of him"
Everyone turned to look as Wanda walked downstairs, cradling something that looked almost-but-not-quite like Plunky. It purred contentedly in her arms, flicking its rattlesnake tail.
"That thing looks like road kill!", said Magneto, "You're not keeping him, Wanda"
"I'm not asking if I can keep him", said Wanda matter of factly, "I'm telling you I'm keeping him. So. There"
"Ooooh she's in for it now, you never defy Dad like that, or you'll get one of these", said Pietro, beginning to list them off on his fingers, "The Cold Shoulder, the Frenzied Eyebrow, the Grimace of Doom, the Sneer of Despair, the Crippling Wince of Guilt, the Scowl of Impending Wrath, and worst of all, the Nostril Flare of Total Rejection" (3)
Everyone craned their necks to see exactly which one of these impressive facial expressions Magneot would give. The Master of Magnetism seemed to stare out his daughter for a few moments, before sighing resignedly.
"Fine", he said, "But I'm not paying for it"
"HEY!", cried Pietro, "Fine? Just like that? Not even a Frenzied Eyebrow?!!! Why does she get away with everything?! You never let me have a pet!"
"I did, you had that hamster", said Magneto, "Do you remember what happened to the hamster, Pietro?"
"Yes, Wanda used it in a ritual!", snapped Pietro.
"Oh", Magneto blinked, "I thought you'd forgotten to feed it. Oh well"
"I miss Mr Twinkletoes", sniffed Pietro, "He was my fuzzy friend"
The creature in Wandas arms made up a noise resembling coughing up a hairball, before tossing a ball of acidic goop at the wall, starting to dissolve it. Wanda grinned.
"I'm going to call him…..Bram"
"Only crazy people name their pets after horror writers", said Pietro with a sniff.
Bram hissed at Pietro, causing the speedster to scream like a girl, cringing away.
"Bram and I will be sitting in our room", said Wanda, heading back upstairs, "Away from you lunatics"
The gathered mutants watched her go, wide eyed.
"Vow, ve vrapped that up in much less time than usual", commented Kurt.
"Shhh", said Scott, "Lets get out of here before our good luck wears out!"
"Boy, I hope rehoming any other Plunky-Babies will be just as easy", said Jamie cheerfully as he followed them.
"Oh yes, because everyone is clamouring to get their hands on acid-spewing monsters", said Hank.
"Well, we could always just give them all to Wanda", shrugged Jamie, "She could train them to be like the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz, but instead of flying, they'll spit acid!"
"…I don't think Pietro would be bale to handle that much stress, Jamie", said Scott, them smiled, "But, hey, it'll always be good threatening material"
And with that happy thought, the X-Men returned home, safe in the knowledge their live would return to almost-normalcy until next Halloween.
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(1) - Red rum is from Stephen King's 'The Shining'. Spell it backwards.
(2) - If you remember Gummie Bears, give yourself a cookie.
(3) – From Kronks New Groove. Insane movie, but it's got some great lines like that one.
Yes, I know it's short, but alas, I have no time anymore, it's a miracle this one got done by Halloween. It'll be bigger next year, I promise. Do review. Untile next Halloween…..