LEGEND. Inspired by song of the same name by Australian Country Singer Mike Carr.

One-shot, All human, somewhat OOC. Canon pairing.

Edward POV

Five steps into the bar, and I had a bad feeling about this. No, bad was an understatement. Horrible, terrible, damaging, distressing, ghastly, horrific... take your pick! Fuck, I was only ever this verbose when I was stressed out. I could feel my shoulder tensing up under my white starchy cotton shirt, neatly pressed by my wonderful drycleaner, Mrs Xu, that knew way too many of my secrets, just by washing my clothes. Wonderful Asian lady, who always said I was a 'Good boy. Keep his pants clean!' I flushed in embarrassment when Emmett finally guffawed an explanation.

'You obviously haven't jizzed in your pants, dude!' he laughed, almost blowing his beer out his nose.

I hadn't had a reasonable comeback, so an almost growled 'Fuck you' was sufficient, until it spurred him on even more.

'Well, obviously not fuck you!'

That was it. I left him with his beer, jokes about my singledom, and left the room. Well, that singdom didn't last long.

Soon after, while taking another load of clothes for Mrs Xu, I met Tanya.

'Good boy, here Miss Denali, he keep his pants clean' Mrs Xu grinned, showing her almost toothless smile and wrinkling her face beyond wrinkling, while taking my load in her arms and walking out to the back of shop.

I groaned in embarrassment, and rolled my eyes. 'Sorry about her, she thinks I need someone!' I sent a small smile her way, my cheeks still too hot.

She laughed, and it was beautiful. 'She thinks I need someone too' she smiled back. Her blood red lips framing her perfect snow white teeth in a spectacular fashion. I took a moment to check her out. She was tall, a few inches shorter than my 6'3 frame, slender, but curves in all the right places to fill out the jeans she wore. The longest thick blonde hair I'd ever seen, but in an 'America's Sweetheart' kinda way, not the 'I'm a slut, give me STD's' kinda way. Her nose was too long for her face, like Kim Kardashian's, with these deep blue pools for eyes. She wore very little make up, she didn't need it, she was perfect. And I was done for. Hook, line and sinker.

I leant over to her and offered my hand, 'I'm Edward, by the way. It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Denali' So, yeah, I laid it on thick, but god-damn, I wanted her bad.

She laughed again, 'Tanya' she corrected, 'it nice to meet you too Edward'

Mrs Xu came back out before I could say anything else.

'Mr Cullen' She handed me a non-descript black bag, 'Miss Denali' she handed her the same.

I folded it underneath my arm and turned back to Tanya, who'd carefully laid it over her arm.

'So, uh, I might meet you around then?' I asked, my mind already cursing my mouth.

She sighed, and smiled sadly. FUCK! She wanted me to ask her out.

'I guess so, it was really nice to meet you' she emphasised the 'was', and turned and walked out quickly.

'Dammit!' I cursed, clenching my fist lightly, then grabbed my black dry cleaning bag. I noticed something was wrong on the tag.

"Miss Tanya Denali" The bold ink said.

Yes!

I rushed out onto the street, spotting that long golden hair swaying gently almost instantly.

'TANYA!' I yelled, running toward her.

She turned slowly, and a smile lit up her face again. 'Edward?'

I pushed out my dry cleaning bag, and showed her slip.

'Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry' She apologised, looking cutely flustered.

I smiled widely, 'No, I'm sorry. And I want to make it up to you. How does dinner sound?'

The happiness that plastered both our faces was obvious.

But that happiness was short lived. She had a fierce temper, which bought out the worst in me. She'd made me bleed, I'd bruised her.

We decided after mind-blowing break-up sex, there just wasn't meant to be an us.

So bought me to now.

Emmett pointed us in the direction of a table near the bar, easy access for drinks. I just knew they'd bring me out tonight, I even knew where they'd sit me to get me plastered, but I had other ideas.

Jasper bought me out of my thought induced trance with a punch on the arm.

'Would you just relax, man? he asked.

'I am relaxed!' I lied in protest.

He simply laughed, 'Sure man, sure!'

I downed the last half of my drink. 'Douche' I murmured at him, spurring his laughter a bit more.

I was on my fifth beer for the night, but we'd only been at it for 2 or so hours. A fair group of people had gathered and were dancing to the jukebox.

My sister, Alice, and one of her girlfriends had wandered in and joined us. Jasper was ogling her appreciatively. I was tempted to smack him up the side of his head, but controlled my urges. I had a feeling if I smacked Jazz, Ali would smack me.

I watched as Alice and Rosalie, her friend, pulled Jasper, and Emmett up to dance. I laughed and drank, and watched as the boys awkwardly moved, until the girls gave up and simply danced around each other.

'Nice one, boys!' I cacked out.

'Fuck you pretty boy, I don't see you out there trying to almost have sex on the dance floor without tearing their clothes off' Emmett growled, obviously sexually frustrated.

I laughed heartily at him.

'Fuck, it's on, boi! Choose your girl, and show us how it's done!' He motioned over to where Rosalie and Alice were dancing, wanting me to pick out of the two. I had other ideas.

'Eww, man, one's my sister, the other her friend, awkward!' I looked around the bar, and instantly spotted my partner. 'Her' I said, motioning towards the bar with the neck of my beer, before taking a mouthful of liquid courage.

Emmett raised his eyebrows, and snickered, 'you got no hope, man'

'What the hell man?' I laughed, almost offended.

I looked at the girl. Her one shouldered black dress covered her entire front, but came down low on her back. So low it was obvious she wore no bra. The two thick straps that crossed over her shoulder connected back to the dress on evenly on each side of her lower back. Her long mahogany hair lapped under her shoulder blades and fell in natural waves. There wasn't much of the dress, it hugged every delicious curve of her body and came to an abrupt halt, cutting half way down her thighs. Combined a simple pair of black patient pumps; she was like sex on a stick. She turned slightly towards us, and cast her eyes our way. She had a cute button nose, a mean pout for lips and amazing green eyes. And had every man in here panting over her.

I gave her a half smile/ half smirk. It made her blush. That red flush was like a spurt of pheromones. Yep, she was the one I wanted.

Still holding my gaze, I rose from my seat, and headed her way, Jasper and Emmett looking on in amazement.

'Hi. I'm Edward' I held out my hand to her.

She frowned for a moment, then in a quiet hesitant voice, 'I'm Bella'

Emmett POV

No freaking way Eddie-boy had any chance with that hottie. If I hadn't met Rose this evening I'd be taking a chance with her myself, but no.

He walked over to her like he was god's gift to the world, one hand deep in his pocket.

He stopped in front of her, withdrew his hand and shook her hand. The look on her face was utter horror for a moment as she said her name. I assumed he still had her hand, but his body blocked most of his actions from me.

Slowly, her face transformed into pure amusement, and then she laughed. Not like one of those, I'm trying to be cute and flirty so I'll giggle laughs, but a full on throw your head back and let the whole world know laughs. She quickly got under control and nodded eagerly. She lifted her glass, straight bourbon I assumed, and downed it in one swallow. God that was hot.

She collected her bag and took Eddie-boys hand as he led her to the dance floor. She walked so quickly, the hem of her dress rose even more, and I held back a groan.

He was quickly stopped by Alice, who was making her way back here. He looked at the chick, and gently pried her bag off her arm, and shoved it at Alice, motioning to us.

She was obviously confused by her hand gestures, but resigned when he ignored her, took Rosie by the hand and made her way back here.

'What did he say to you?' I said over the table and she slipped onto Jaspers knees.

Alice POV.

'Just that she wouldn't need her bag!' I placed the floppy black bag on the table, and restrained myself from going through it. 'Who is she?' I finally asked.

Emmett shrugged, and pulled Rosalie's chair closer to him so he could sling his arm around her neck possessively. Awe. I knew they'd be good together. I winked at Rose in a told-you-so way.

I felt two arms circling my waist and I leant back onto Jaspers chest. Okay, maybe Rose wasn't the only one lucky here.

I focused my attention back onto my older brother, and the brunette his huge mitt encircled.

So far they'd just been swaying, he'd twirl her a little bit, she'd laugh. Then the song changed.

I heard the familiar rift, and immediately smiled. Serious shit went down when Jet sang 'Cold Hard Bitch'.

That smirk I'd notice anywhere. Suddenly his arms circled her back, and he rocked her from side to side, then almost threw her down in a dip so low the ends of her hair swept lightly across the floor. OH MY GOD, he totally stole that from Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing. I knew he was watching all these years. The girls' head was thrown back as she laughed and was pulled back into a standing position.

She somehow untangled herself from him and started dancing almost around him more than with him. Like she was a stripper, and he was her pole. But much classier.

It was mesmerising, even for me to watch. I could feel Jasper's excitement growing behind me, and I was close to turning around and covering his eyes... but that would mean prying my own away and risk missing anything that was getting me so wet at my core.

That little arse of hers shook in time with the music. Somehow that dear brother of mine knew to grab to grab her hand just at the right time, so when she went down, her legs folding together so well, her arse almost touched the floor, her body was still extended out. And when she came back up, she twirled under his arm and back into his body.

While running her hand open palm over his chest, he moved his own hands to hold her hips, bringing her closer to him. I almost gasped, and made my new years resolution in June. Get her to teach me to dance like that.

Suddenly, she began a new tempo to the music, and it was all in her hips. They popped in some serious Shakira-like moves. Belly-dancing! Note to mind, take that up. Note No. 2 to mind, take that up NOW!

I daren't look at how much my brother enjoyed her moves, that would be weird, but by the look of her hand grabbing and releasing his shirt until there was distinct scrunch marks, it was hell sexy.

The four minute song was so not long enough. It was over way too soon.

She smiled, and he took her hand and bought her back to our table.

Edward smiled cockily at me, before reaching over and taking her bag before handing it back to her. I opened my mouth when a ringtone came from her bag.

'Back it up, back it up, you got it, you got it...' ding, ding, ding, ding.

I started dancing in Jaspers lap, grinding my hips into him in time with Gwen Stafani's Crash, that seemed to be the girls ringtone.

'Put your hands up, put your hands up, put your hands up... uh, uh, uh... You got it, you got it' I sang as she answered the phone pumping my hands above my head. Obviously in my own little world.

Jasper quickly grabbed my hips and stopped them still, with a shocked, OMG-what-the-hell-is-she-doing, look on his face.

I felt hurt for a second, then realised how aroused he'd become with me bouncing, and I laughed.

The girl had snuck out her iPhone, and quickly swiped her thumb across the bottom of the screen to answer, before turning away and lightly pressing her finger into her other ear to concerntrate on the phone.

'Uh, Hi Mom' she turned back to Edward, with an amused look on her face. She frowned for a moment, then looked apologetically at Edward, who'd cocked his head to the side in confusion.

'Yeah, I'm here...' she shrugged her purse back under her arm and wandered slowly to the bar, Edward close behind.

She talked for a moment, then in a frustrated manner, ended the call. She looked intensely at Edward, and as she talked motioned absentmindedly towards the door.

'Oh, no. She's leaving' I cried out.

She leant over the bar, snapped her fingers and sweetly asked for a pen. Quickly she scrawled something on a napkin, handed it to my brother, then kissed him so sensuously on the mouth I didn't want to watch to invade their privacy, but still could not look away. What was wrong with me with those two?

She left in a hurry after they broke away, laughing as her lipstick stained his lips, but made no effort to remove it.

Edward stood at the bar as he watched her leave, ordered another drink for himself and wandered back to the table, napkin partially from his pocket.

'Who was that?' I asked, impatiently.

'Wouldn't you like to know, Pixie!' he ruffed up my black spiky hair a bit more.

I darted my hand to his pocket and pulled out the napkin. He made no effort to stop me.

Bella. 0437326464. Call me.

'BELLA? What a gorgeous name! You have to call her'

Edward laughed, and smirked, 'I think I will'

Bella POV.

I almost didn't make it out of the Bar before I burst into laughter. That was simply insane!

When I saw that man, Edward, walk up to me I thought, oh yeah, here we go! He thinks that he makes me blush so he must be special. I don't think so!

As he held his hand to me, I could help but return the gesture. I kept my smile going until I touched his hand. Then I looked at him with utter horror on my face. Was that money between our hands? What did he think I was, a whore that he had to pay off?

'Bella' I managed out.

'It's not what you think, Bella. I want to play a gag on my friends behind me, and I need your help. There's a hundred dollars between our hands right now, for you to do with whatever you want, and this is not a proposition for sex. Simply trying to prove to my man Emmett that I can dance better than he can'

It made no sense what so ever, but the desperation in his voice at the end made it funny as shit for me. I threw back my head and laughed in the most un-ladylike manor ever. Then nodded my head.

'No sex, just dancing?' I confirmed, pulling my hand away from him, the money still in my fingers.

'One dance, to prove to Emmett that I can dance better than he can' he gave me another half smile, and I blushed again.

I subtly ducked behind him and pushed the hundred dollar bill un my dress and tucked it into my 'invisible' undies that meant I could do without the flossing session that always came with a thong.

Edward raised an eyebrow and his smile widened. I rolled my eyes, picked up my Johnnie Walker I'd been nursing and downed it.

He gulped, and finally knew he wasn't messing around.

He led me onto the dance floor before being stopped by another girl. He pried my bag away from me easily, gave it to the girl and shooed her away.

'Sister' he whispered, and I nodded, and we simply swayed.

Without me realising it, he had snaked his arms around my body and was gently threw me from side to side before dipping me so low, my hair dragged on the floor. It was so unexpected I screamed out a laugh.

Then I noticed what the song it was, and on the inside, did a little victory dance. I was going to rock his world.

I danced around him a bit, shaking my bootie. In reality I dropped too low, and would have fallen on my arse if it wasn't for Edward grabbing my hand. I rocked my hips as I stood back up, then curled under his arm in a little spin and bought myself back to his hard chest. God, all I wanted to do was claw that damn shirt off him. I decided to fuck with him a bit, so pressed my entire body to his, then started dancing purely in my hips, rocking and popping them up and down like I'd learnt from watching way too much 'Hips Don't Lie' by Shakira on Youtube. I was making my intention to his friend totally clear.

The moan he unsuccessfully hid pleased me, and his hand grabbed at my hips, moving his arms up and down with my tempo.

Yeah, four minutes way too quick. But we'd agree one song and my alarm on my phone's alarm was ready to blow.

He led me to the table, and quickly handed me my purse.

His sisters mouth opened like she was about to say something, and my phone went off.

'Back it up, back it up, you got it, you got it...' ding, ding, ding, ding.

I dug around and bought out my iPhone. God, Apple, who was the freaking legend the thought to have the Answer Call motion the same as Disable Alarm one. He needs a freaking raise!

I almost lost it went the pixie girl kept singing, bouncing on her boyfriends lap. If she wasn't careful he was going to blow his load before she had any fun what so ever.

'Put your hands up, put your hands up, put your hands up... uh, uh, uh... You got it, you got it'

Finally he grabbed her hips and stopped her. The look on his face was priceless. I quickly turned away not to blow everything. I stuck my finger in my ear like I would if I were actually talking on the phone and thought of the one person who'd actually call me.

'Uh, Hi Mom' I said into the disconnected phone. To say it was weird was an understatement. I frowned at Edward, trying to suppress the giggling fit that was almost bursting me at the seems. I had to get away.

I wandered to the bar, giggling the entire way. By the time I got to the bar, as I focused on the pain in my feet, they'd subsided, and I pretended to hang up the phone, angry.

'Thankyou so much' Edward laughed, 'I had a ball'

'Me too. That was so much fun, but, uh, look, I should really go. You have fun rubbing in the fact you can dance better than your friend.' I quickly leant over the bar, snapped my fingers twice to get the bar tenders attention, then apologised for being so rude, and asked for a pen. He obligingly gave one over.

I scribbled my name on a napkin then pulled out my phone.

0-4-D-R-E-A-M-I-N-G I spelt in on the keypad.

Bella. 0437326464. Call me.

I handed it over, with a smile. I quickly pulled him in for a kiss, and it was much more heartfelt than I expected.

I squeezed his hand once before starting to turn away.

'Wait, your phone!' he whispered, and I realised I'd left it on the bar.

He gently picked it up, and handed it over with a cocky smile. If only he knew my lipstick was all over him.

I rushed out the doors and burst into laughter, giggling constantly until my sides left like they were going burst apart.

I grabbed out my phone. I had to tell Leah about this.

I scrolled down past the 'D's and trying to call my little LeeLee, but one name caught my attention first. Dreamer.

No way! He could not be that fast.

Instead of calling Leah, I called Dreamer.

'Hello, Edward speaking'

'Oh, no, I was calling for Dreamer, I guess he's not there' I said and promptly hung up.

My phone was buzzing in my hand a second later.

'Hello, Edward'

'Hey Bella!'

'What would you like Edward?'

'Nothing... just letting you know I now have your real number. I will call you' and hung up, leaving me with a huge smile on my face, and a skip in my step as I walked hom.

Emmett POV.

I slung my arm around Eddie-boy, 'You my friend, are a freaking legend!'

Sorry, I know, horribly Cliche'd story, but i just couldn't let it go. :( And I hate just pushing inspiration away when I know I can do something with it. After all that's how I found my love for writing, was with a dream I couldn't get out of my head that I wrote into a story! Hmmm, just realised how familiar that sounds... However, mine deam story is very crappy and only about 10 000 words long, not gazillion like Twilight! lol

This is a pure one-shot, I cant see it going anywhere else apart from a little deception in front of your friends.

I hope you enjoyed. Tell me what you think :)

Jess017