A/n: I wrote this in the Days Of No Computer and posted it at LJ. It was really past time that I put it here.

I do not own Torchwood. (This should be obvious. After all, Torchwood are owned by no-one. Separate from the government, outside the police, beyond the United Nations, am I right?)

I've always hated fantasy stories.

Of course, I say it's the soppiness of it, twinkly fairies and all that-have to keep up the macho image, right? But that wasn't it, not really. I mean, how many actual fantasy books really have twinkly fairies in, eh? Besides the ones written for eight-year-old girls.

Really, it's...well, it's a mix of things, really. All the making up bogey monsters, extra things to be scared of, as if the world's not hard enough already. (Funny, that, considering. I mean, the things that come through the Rift sometimes, they'd make Stephen King throw out his laptop. Outclassed.) And then there's...the two worlds stuff. I dunno how else to describe it-the idea that there's a normal world, and a magic one, and never the twain shall meet. Or when they do, all us Muggles just don't notice, pretend it doesn't happen,(okay, so maybe that one's got some reality behind it)or else are totally taken by surprise and flap about like a bunch of headless chickens till one of the Magic types turns up to save us.

I'd like to think people are more capable than that.

Look at Gwen.

That brings us back to the two-worlds thing. Can't really put my finger on why that idea annoys me so much-it just does. I mean...there's only one world, however many universes are hanging around, right? It's all stuff that exists, it's all one big mess of a thing...Christ, I need some beer to be able to explain this properly!

The point is-I think-people aren't meant to live in two worlds. To have a whole other life you have to keep secret. I mean, that's like trying to be two different people at once, isn't it? Good way to go crazy, that. Once more-Gwen.

She was living in two worlds. Torchwood and Real Life, except I'm not really sure which was more real to her. And it nearly destroyed us. (Can think that now. Though it still scares me.) Even worse, it nearly destroyed her. She really would have cracked up completely, or else become like those other Torchwood blokes. Cold. Not letting anything get to her, not caring about anything really. And that's not Gwen. Gwen's always been-been wild, and funny, and she's always cared about stuff. She thinks stuff is fixable, and it's worth making the effort. That's why she was such a good copper, I guess. She believed in it. In people.

Suppose it's hard to believe in anything when you're being pulled apart inside your head. Least of all people. When you're living in this world full of craziness and beauty and terror, and you can't tell anyone about it who's not part of it already. It'd be really easy to go nuts or go cold.

Gwen's still Gwen, though it doesn't take a mind-reader to see the cracks at the edges.

She'll never really be the woman I fell in love with again, not completely. The girl who lived in one world, and didn't have secrets. But I love this Gwen, too.

So I listen. And I know she's still not telling me half of it all, and what I do hear is bloody bad enough...not to mention what I've seen for myself.

And I think to myself, which I have to admit isn't something I'm used to. Never any need for it, see. Back Before, I thought about the job, about Gwen, about whatever daft stunt Banana Boat had just pulled...not big Thinking.

But now I'm thinking. Torchwood is always covering things up, doling out their memory pills. And they seem to think that's the only way it can be. Even Gwen thinks that. But I don't. I saw what came through the Rift. And I was scared as hell, of course I was. But I didn't panic, and I didn't go mad. And I'm not big-headed enough to think it's because I'm such an amazing broad-minded person. Ordinary Joe, me. I think most people can cope, like I did. After all, if humans couldn't get accustomed to new stuff then we'd still be living in caves, wouldn't we now?

And that's a good thing, because sooner or later Sod's Law dictates that something will happen so big that Torchwood can't cover it up no matter how they try. And when that happens-when everyone sees their world get bigger-well, someone who can help show people the ropes in that bigger world might not be unwelcome, right? Someone who's been there before. Someone who can help people over the shock, till they can stand on their own feet. Torchwood can't do that, too busy running around with guns and lasers and whathaveyou.

But me, I'm ready. And maybe I'll be able to help a bit.

I'm never going to be a fighter like Gwen. I'm just an ordinary bloke. But us ordinary blokes have more to us than people with their heads cluttered up with aliens guess.