I own nothing, Joss and co. own everything. depressing isn't it.
Set straight after Something Blue. Everything has been canon up until now, except I'm pretending that Buffy and Riley have already kissed. Hope you like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike lay back on the sofa in Giles living room, listening to the rain pattering outside. It had been two days since Willows 'Will Be Done' spell. Two whole days for Spike to have blocked out the disgusting experience from his brain.
Spike had tried everything, from drinking himself into unconsciousness twice, to looking through the many spell books that Giles kept in his house in search of a forgetting spell. He even considered going to Red, so that she could find one, but given her recent history Spike felt that he would rather be stuck with the memories.
And that was what had happened.
No matter what he did, how much he tried to forget, all he could think about was the feeling of the Slayer's tiny little body pressed flush against him, her lips hungrily ravaging his as they.
Bugger.
Spike shifted slightly as he adjusted his pants for comfort.
Bloody librarian, going out for the day, leaving Spike with no one to annoy to take his mind off this. thing.
It wasn't the fact that he wanted to take her, throw her across a table and have his way with her that he minded so much. She was bloody gorgeous bint, and he would have to be blind not to notice her. Lust was fine, he could deal with lust.
But this. this was different. This was something deeper and it scared him. This was something that made his unbeating heart sing when he remembered the way she stared up at him with those adoring eyes. The despair he felt when she had clambered off him, with disgust and hatred in her eyes, when Red had turned up to break the spell, forcing him to mimic her actions to save face. The way he actually felt guilty for telling her damn Scoobies that she wanted to play that bloody awful song at their wedding. The only time he had ever felt anything even remotely similar to this in the whole of his unlife was with. Dru.
Oh bloody sodding hell.
He was startled from his thoughts by the click of the door opening.
'It's about bloody time you got back, Rupes. I've been bored outta my mind with no one to.'
'It's not Giles,' Spike sat up with a jerk, swinging his legs over the side of the lounge to face Buffy. She was wearing a thin pink top and a pair of light cotton trousers. Both were absolutely soaked, her hair was hanging in limp, dripping rats tails; and there were black rivulets of mascara running down her face.
'Bloody hell, Slayer, you look like death.'
Buffy chuckled mirthlessly. 'And that coming from a vampire. Maybe that's why.'
'Maybe that's why what?'
Buffy shook her head, 'Nothing.'
She wrapped her arms around herself and Spike noticed for that she was shivering, goosebumps raised on her bare arms and her teeth chattering uncontrollably.
'How long have you been out there?'
Buffy shook her head vaguely. 'I dunno, I don't think I've been home since I went patrolling.'
'Last night?' Spike raised his eyebrows incredulously. 'It's been rainin since early this morning.'
'Has it? I didn't notice.'
Spike grabbed her arm. 'Look, let's get you outta those clothes and into some dry ones.'
'Why?'
'Why? Why, you stupid bint? Cause you're gonna get soddin pneumonia if you don't get warm soon.'
Buffy looked at the floor muttering under her breath, 'would that be such a bad thing?'
Spike's eyebrows rose again as his vampiric hearing caught the whispered words. He didn't comment however, just steered her upstairs.
'Let's get you something dry to put on. I think old Rupes keeps some spare clothes around here somewhere. They'll be to big, but it's just till we dry out your clothes. What were you patrolling in such thin stuff for anyway?'
'Less constricting for fighting.'
Spike nodded, ignoring the voice at the back of his mind taunting him.
'Ok, pet, lets get you changed.'
******************************
Spike was back on the sofa when he heard Buffy coming down the stairs. He looked up, marveling that she could make the ex-watcher's oversized tee shirt and sweatpants look like high fashion. She had taken her make-up off and she looked younger, more vulnerable somehow. No one would ever believe that this was possibly the strongest Slayer that this world had, and was likely to ever see.
Buffy made her way over to the sofa and sat on the edge of it, twisting her hands together, fiddling with her rings and biting her bottom lip, an action that was driving Spike crazy.
'Is there something wrong, Summers?' Spike moved, unconsciously mimicking her action of sitting on the edge of the sofa.
'No,' replied Buffy, staring at her hands.
'Well. yes.'
'Can I help?' *You wanker! What's she gonna think? She'll figure it out and then you'll be staked sooner than you can say fresh blood.*
'Why would you want to. never mind. No you can't.'
Spike nodded, his body relaxing as he realized that she wasn't going to push the matter.
'Actually, maybe you can.'
*Don't sound too eager, don't sound too eager*
'I can?' Spike cocked his head to look at her, puzzled, as she began to blush and look infinitely unhappy at the same time.
'You know.' she began, her voice so quiet that if he hadn't been a vampire he may not have heard her.
'When Will did her. spell and we. you know.' Her eyes never lifted from their place on the floor and her discomfort became even more obvious.
Spike's heart wrenched to see her acting so uncomfortable about what they had shared, and the fact that she looked like she was about to burst out crying wasn't helping either.
'Yeah, luv?' He tried to sound calm, to put her at ease.
'Am I.'she cleared her throat and tried again, 'amIabadkisser?'
'Sorry, pet, I didn't quite catch that.'
'Am I a bad kisser?' Her voice was small and her eyes darted around the room, looking anywhere but at him.
Spike swallowed. He hadn't expected that at all. Now, what was he supposed to say? Ah, well. They do say honesty is the best policy. even though 'they' are pathetic humans.
'What would make you think that, Slayer?'
Buffy bowed her head, resignedly. 'You're avoiding the question, I'll take that as a yes.'
Bugger.
'Bloody hell, luv. You are not a bad kisser. You're the best soddin kisser I've had the privilege to kiss.'
If he had thought his exclamation would have made her feel better, he was sadly mistaken.
Buffy's bottom lip started trembling and a tear came to her eye, she tried to blink it back furiously.
'Are you ok, Slayer?'
'W - well then, am I ugly. I'm ugly and repulsive aren't I. I told Willow I was repulsive.'
'You aren't soddin ugly, luv. Auurgghhh. You are the most gorgeous Slayer I've met. Hell, you're the most gorgeous girl I've ever met. Even Dru couldn't hold a candle to you.'
Buffy bit her lip as tears began pouring down her cheeks and she hid her face in her hands.
'Then, hic, whudosnhewanme?'
Spike moved closer to her, gingerly putting his hand on her back and rubbing it soothingly, aching to put his arms around her and hold her, but not daring too.'
'Sorry, luv?
'Why *sniff* why doesn't Riley want me? Am I a horrible person? If I'm so pretty and such a good kisser, then why doesn't he want me?'
Spike grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around, looking into her eyes.
'You are not a horrible person. You are the most generous person I have ever met. and not killed because of it. This Riley bloke is a soddin fool, if he doesn't want you, luv.' Buffy stared shyly at him. 'Really?'
'Any man would have to be blind not to want you, Buffy. Even.'
'Even?'
Spike shook his head. 'Nothing, pet. Now, what did the wanker say?'
Tears filled Buffy's eyes again and Spike cursed himself for bringing it up again. He was a bleedin vampire. How was he supposed to know what to say to make her feel better?
'He, *sniff* said that he couldn't *hic* be with me. That I *sniffle* blow to hot and cold. One minute I like him, the next I am making up stories to get away from him.'
'Stories?'
'W-when Willow did the spell and we were. you know, and I had gone out to the magic shop I saw Riley and told him I was engaged. The I had to tell him I was just joking and he was. he said *sniff* he was ok with it. That it was "just another piece of the Buffy puzzle" and n-now he doesn't *hic* want anything to do with me.'
Buffy looked up at Spike with huge tear-filled eyes, and began to cry again. Huge wracking sobs that caused her whole body to shudder and she wrapped her arms around her stomach and placed her head on her knees.
Spike had to blink back his own tears. This was his Slayer, the strongest he'd ever met and this wanker had completely destroyed her. He reached out again and placed his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and with a heartbreaking wail, buried her head in his shoulder.
'Th-they all l-leave.'
Spike wrapped his arms around her, stroking her hair as she snuggled even closer to him.
'Who do, pet?'
'Men. F-first my dad, he doesn't even call on my birthday anymore. Then Angel. and I loved him so much. Parker. *sniff* he was never mine anyway. I just thought he was and now Riley. I guess that's why the other Slayers were always alone. it's not that they wanted to be, they were forced to be. The only man who stays with me is Giles, and that's because he was paid too, and now he has nowhere else to go. But as soon as he finds somewhere, he will. They always do.'
Spike felt like he was being ripped apart to hear her talking like that.
'Shhhhh, Buffy. It's alright, luv. If Rupes leaves, I'll get this soddin chip outta my head and hunt him down myself.'
Buffy's strangled laugh turned into a sob and her body resumed it's shuddering in Spike's arms. He gently sat back on the sofa, half lying down, leaning against the arm rest, with Buffy cradled in his lap.
'Shhhhh, I won't leave you, luv. I'll never leave you.' He felt her relax as he rubbed soothing circles on her back through the fabric of the shirt she was wearing. Her cold and sleepless night was taking its toll on her and he listened as her breathing slowed to a gentle rhythmic pace and he settled off to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well this started as a one shot, but I think it's going to end up more as a short story. Probably not more than five chapters, please review and tell me what you think.
Set straight after Something Blue. Everything has been canon up until now, except I'm pretending that Buffy and Riley have already kissed. Hope you like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spike lay back on the sofa in Giles living room, listening to the rain pattering outside. It had been two days since Willows 'Will Be Done' spell. Two whole days for Spike to have blocked out the disgusting experience from his brain.
Spike had tried everything, from drinking himself into unconsciousness twice, to looking through the many spell books that Giles kept in his house in search of a forgetting spell. He even considered going to Red, so that she could find one, but given her recent history Spike felt that he would rather be stuck with the memories.
And that was what had happened.
No matter what he did, how much he tried to forget, all he could think about was the feeling of the Slayer's tiny little body pressed flush against him, her lips hungrily ravaging his as they.
Bugger.
Spike shifted slightly as he adjusted his pants for comfort.
Bloody librarian, going out for the day, leaving Spike with no one to annoy to take his mind off this. thing.
It wasn't the fact that he wanted to take her, throw her across a table and have his way with her that he minded so much. She was bloody gorgeous bint, and he would have to be blind not to notice her. Lust was fine, he could deal with lust.
But this. this was different. This was something deeper and it scared him. This was something that made his unbeating heart sing when he remembered the way she stared up at him with those adoring eyes. The despair he felt when she had clambered off him, with disgust and hatred in her eyes, when Red had turned up to break the spell, forcing him to mimic her actions to save face. The way he actually felt guilty for telling her damn Scoobies that she wanted to play that bloody awful song at their wedding. The only time he had ever felt anything even remotely similar to this in the whole of his unlife was with. Dru.
Oh bloody sodding hell.
He was startled from his thoughts by the click of the door opening.
'It's about bloody time you got back, Rupes. I've been bored outta my mind with no one to.'
'It's not Giles,' Spike sat up with a jerk, swinging his legs over the side of the lounge to face Buffy. She was wearing a thin pink top and a pair of light cotton trousers. Both were absolutely soaked, her hair was hanging in limp, dripping rats tails; and there were black rivulets of mascara running down her face.
'Bloody hell, Slayer, you look like death.'
Buffy chuckled mirthlessly. 'And that coming from a vampire. Maybe that's why.'
'Maybe that's why what?'
Buffy shook her head, 'Nothing.'
She wrapped her arms around herself and Spike noticed for that she was shivering, goosebumps raised on her bare arms and her teeth chattering uncontrollably.
'How long have you been out there?'
Buffy shook her head vaguely. 'I dunno, I don't think I've been home since I went patrolling.'
'Last night?' Spike raised his eyebrows incredulously. 'It's been rainin since early this morning.'
'Has it? I didn't notice.'
Spike grabbed her arm. 'Look, let's get you outta those clothes and into some dry ones.'
'Why?'
'Why? Why, you stupid bint? Cause you're gonna get soddin pneumonia if you don't get warm soon.'
Buffy looked at the floor muttering under her breath, 'would that be such a bad thing?'
Spike's eyebrows rose again as his vampiric hearing caught the whispered words. He didn't comment however, just steered her upstairs.
'Let's get you something dry to put on. I think old Rupes keeps some spare clothes around here somewhere. They'll be to big, but it's just till we dry out your clothes. What were you patrolling in such thin stuff for anyway?'
'Less constricting for fighting.'
Spike nodded, ignoring the voice at the back of his mind taunting him.
'Ok, pet, lets get you changed.'
******************************
Spike was back on the sofa when he heard Buffy coming down the stairs. He looked up, marveling that she could make the ex-watcher's oversized tee shirt and sweatpants look like high fashion. She had taken her make-up off and she looked younger, more vulnerable somehow. No one would ever believe that this was possibly the strongest Slayer that this world had, and was likely to ever see.
Buffy made her way over to the sofa and sat on the edge of it, twisting her hands together, fiddling with her rings and biting her bottom lip, an action that was driving Spike crazy.
'Is there something wrong, Summers?' Spike moved, unconsciously mimicking her action of sitting on the edge of the sofa.
'No,' replied Buffy, staring at her hands.
'Well. yes.'
'Can I help?' *You wanker! What's she gonna think? She'll figure it out and then you'll be staked sooner than you can say fresh blood.*
'Why would you want to. never mind. No you can't.'
Spike nodded, his body relaxing as he realized that she wasn't going to push the matter.
'Actually, maybe you can.'
*Don't sound too eager, don't sound too eager*
'I can?' Spike cocked his head to look at her, puzzled, as she began to blush and look infinitely unhappy at the same time.
'You know.' she began, her voice so quiet that if he hadn't been a vampire he may not have heard her.
'When Will did her. spell and we. you know.' Her eyes never lifted from their place on the floor and her discomfort became even more obvious.
Spike's heart wrenched to see her acting so uncomfortable about what they had shared, and the fact that she looked like she was about to burst out crying wasn't helping either.
'Yeah, luv?' He tried to sound calm, to put her at ease.
'Am I.'she cleared her throat and tried again, 'amIabadkisser?'
'Sorry, pet, I didn't quite catch that.'
'Am I a bad kisser?' Her voice was small and her eyes darted around the room, looking anywhere but at him.
Spike swallowed. He hadn't expected that at all. Now, what was he supposed to say? Ah, well. They do say honesty is the best policy. even though 'they' are pathetic humans.
'What would make you think that, Slayer?'
Buffy bowed her head, resignedly. 'You're avoiding the question, I'll take that as a yes.'
Bugger.
'Bloody hell, luv. You are not a bad kisser. You're the best soddin kisser I've had the privilege to kiss.'
If he had thought his exclamation would have made her feel better, he was sadly mistaken.
Buffy's bottom lip started trembling and a tear came to her eye, she tried to blink it back furiously.
'Are you ok, Slayer?'
'W - well then, am I ugly. I'm ugly and repulsive aren't I. I told Willow I was repulsive.'
'You aren't soddin ugly, luv. Auurgghhh. You are the most gorgeous Slayer I've met. Hell, you're the most gorgeous girl I've ever met. Even Dru couldn't hold a candle to you.'
Buffy bit her lip as tears began pouring down her cheeks and she hid her face in her hands.
'Then, hic, whudosnhewanme?'
Spike moved closer to her, gingerly putting his hand on her back and rubbing it soothingly, aching to put his arms around her and hold her, but not daring too.'
'Sorry, luv?
'Why *sniff* why doesn't Riley want me? Am I a horrible person? If I'm so pretty and such a good kisser, then why doesn't he want me?'
Spike grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around, looking into her eyes.
'You are not a horrible person. You are the most generous person I have ever met. and not killed because of it. This Riley bloke is a soddin fool, if he doesn't want you, luv.' Buffy stared shyly at him. 'Really?'
'Any man would have to be blind not to want you, Buffy. Even.'
'Even?'
Spike shook his head. 'Nothing, pet. Now, what did the wanker say?'
Tears filled Buffy's eyes again and Spike cursed himself for bringing it up again. He was a bleedin vampire. How was he supposed to know what to say to make her feel better?
'He, *sniff* said that he couldn't *hic* be with me. That I *sniffle* blow to hot and cold. One minute I like him, the next I am making up stories to get away from him.'
'Stories?'
'W-when Willow did the spell and we were. you know, and I had gone out to the magic shop I saw Riley and told him I was engaged. The I had to tell him I was just joking and he was. he said *sniff* he was ok with it. That it was "just another piece of the Buffy puzzle" and n-now he doesn't *hic* want anything to do with me.'
Buffy looked up at Spike with huge tear-filled eyes, and began to cry again. Huge wracking sobs that caused her whole body to shudder and she wrapped her arms around her stomach and placed her head on her knees.
Spike had to blink back his own tears. This was his Slayer, the strongest he'd ever met and this wanker had completely destroyed her. He reached out again and placed his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him and with a heartbreaking wail, buried her head in his shoulder.
'Th-they all l-leave.'
Spike wrapped his arms around her, stroking her hair as she snuggled even closer to him.
'Who do, pet?'
'Men. F-first my dad, he doesn't even call on my birthday anymore. Then Angel. and I loved him so much. Parker. *sniff* he was never mine anyway. I just thought he was and now Riley. I guess that's why the other Slayers were always alone. it's not that they wanted to be, they were forced to be. The only man who stays with me is Giles, and that's because he was paid too, and now he has nowhere else to go. But as soon as he finds somewhere, he will. They always do.'
Spike felt like he was being ripped apart to hear her talking like that.
'Shhhhh, Buffy. It's alright, luv. If Rupes leaves, I'll get this soddin chip outta my head and hunt him down myself.'
Buffy's strangled laugh turned into a sob and her body resumed it's shuddering in Spike's arms. He gently sat back on the sofa, half lying down, leaning against the arm rest, with Buffy cradled in his lap.
'Shhhhh, I won't leave you, luv. I'll never leave you.' He felt her relax as he rubbed soothing circles on her back through the fabric of the shirt she was wearing. Her cold and sleepless night was taking its toll on her and he listened as her breathing slowed to a gentle rhythmic pace and he settled off to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well this started as a one shot, but I think it's going to end up more as a short story. Probably not more than five chapters, please review and tell me what you think.