A/N: I was in an angsty mood when I wrote this. It was based off of a doujinshi that I read. I believe it was also called Last Letter, but I've been gone for 8 months and I have no idea when I even wrote this oneshot during that 8 months. You can look for it, though I'm pretty sure I changed quite a bit of the doujinshi. I don't even know when I read it, but I decided to write this fic because of it sometime after reading it. Anyway, I do hope you enjoy, and I am still extremely curious on if you guys like my newest writing style. Personally, I think it's a lot better XDD

Disclaimer: I do not own the Doujinshi this was based off of nor do I own Naruto. They belong to their rightful owners, no matter how much I wish that could be mine XDD

Last Letter

By Midnight Mourner

It didn't come as a surprise to me when Sasuke came home and told me he was being set on an S rank mission for 2 months. However, that didn't lesson my fear for him, especially since it was a 2 month mission of the most dangerous rank. It wasn't the most dangerous mission him and I had been sent on, we'd gone on longer, and we'd always come back from those missions…but it was so easy to make a mistake.

We had a tradition. The night before either of us leave on a potentially dangerous mission, anything outside of the village gates, the one who's going on the mission, has to write a letter. Neither of us have ever read the letter, but that could all change in a heartbeat. I was constantly fearful that one of these days, he wouldn't come home. And that one of these days, I wouldn't get the satisfaction of burning his last letter. I didn't doubt he felt the same every time I had to leave.

It was a burden to bear for the sake of having the chance to hear at least one more thing from the one we loved, in case one of us were to die. It was the burden of doing our duty for our home, of being a ninja, and of being one of the best.

"Sasuke…" His name rolled off my tongue slowly and easily. I didn't have to say it…I just wanted to hear it. Sasuke was staring into the fire now, ignoring everything going on around him. He'd walked in and stood directly in front of it, informing me of his latest mission. "When do you leave?" He didn't answer. I wasn't even sure if he'd heard me. I walked toward him and shook his shoulder softly. "Sasuke?"

He turned around and didn't meet my eyes, just walked by me. My hand fell from his shoulder as he walked into the kitchen. Though I wanted more then anything to follow him, I knew what he was doing in there. His walking away was enough of an answer. He was leaving tomorrow, and he was in there writing his last letter. But he wouldn't even look me in the eye. I wished he had. It made me feel uncomfortable, like he was hiding something from me…

As I waited for him to come back out, I stared into the fire, eyes wet with unshed tears. I knew the feeling of losing Sasuke…my best friend. I knew how painful it was. I'd already lost him twice, but that was back when the love had been unconditional. Now, the pain of ever losing him would be amplified by two, when it had already been nearly unbearable before I'd fallen in love with him…before we'd became lovers instead of just friend's.

It took an hour to write his letter, and I wasn't sure if that was a bad thing or not. Sometimes it took longer then other times to write our last letter's, and we never wrote the exact same thing twice. Sometimes, the letter's were short, even though it may have taken a long while to write them. Sometime's they were harder to write then other time's, but the way he wouldn't look me in the eyes when he walked out and stuck the sealed letter in the letter stand on top of the coffee table scared me. He stared at the letter for a few moment's before turning back around to face me.

His eyes were sad, full of tear's. They were soft two. He'd been crying for a good part of the last hour, and yet the only evidence of that was the slight redrim around his eyes. If I hadn't known him so well, I wouldn't have noticed. My heart ached for him, and something tugged at my mind. I walked to him, staring up into his eyes.

"I love you…" He whispered. I didn't answer, my eyes filling with tear's of their own. My arm's wrapped around his neck, my face lifted to his. His lips were soft and cool on mine, just as I was used to. His arm's were wrapped securely around my waist, his finger's cool on the small of my back. He lifted me carefully, effortlessly, my leg's going around his waist as the kiss grew deeper. I moaned softly as his lips trailed down to my throat, alternating between kissing, sucking, and nipping at the sensitive skin there.

He knew me as well as I knew him. He knew every place that would make me moan, every spot that would send me into oblivion. He knew were to kiss and how to, he knew my body better then I did, just as I knew his better then himself. We'd given each other over to the other. We'd shown one another everything, practically let each other into the other's soul.

He lowered us to the ground in front of the fireplace, his cool finger's lazily drawing designs on the small of my back. Every place he touched lit on fire, weather it be with his finger's or his lips, his leg's or any body part that happened to touch any of my own. The fire was a cold one, as it always was, almost as if I'd been burn but hadn't felt the heat of it just yet. I didn't think I'd ever get used to the feeling, ever get tired of it.

His blunt nail's scraped down my back slowly, softly. I moaned as he knew I would. He was so gentle, so loving…it made me cry, and he kissed the tear's away, his own landing on my heated skin, cool just as the rest of his touches.

His lip's found mine again, and he seemed in no hurry. He seemed content to take all the time in the world, to love me as he never had while having sex before. The gnawing started at my mind again, but I ignored it, content to stay in the moment, wishing nothing could end it as I knew it would eventually.

--

I awoke to the sun warm on my face, my arm's wrapped securely around the man next to me. It seemed I'd slept a long time, and I soon wished I hadn't. Sasuke hadn't left, but he needed to soon, I could feel his eyes on me, waiting for me to wake up. The gnawing was back, and something was screaming at me not to let Sasuke go. I listened to it, trying to understand the gnawing, tightening my grip on Sasuke, evening out my breathing, hoping to fool him into believing I was still asleep.

"Naruto…" I didn't answer him, just kept trying to keep my breathing even. His eyes were still on my face, gazing into my soul. I knew he knew I was awake. I didn't care. I didn't want him to leave, and the need to keep him with me was more horrible then anytime before. Something was calling to me, telling me there was something wrong. I shouldn't let Sasuke go…

I tried to convince myself everything would be okay. He was one of the best Ninja, just as I was. He'd never told me who was on his team, but I knew they would keep him safe. I knew they'd all keep each other safe, unwilling to lose any of their teammates. I knew all this was true, but I still had the bad feeling in my gut.

"Naruto…I have to go Naru-love." His voice was husky and soft, commanding and pleading. I opened my eyes, sighing at the tear's in his eyes. Something was terribly wrong here. He gripped me to himself tighter also, not wanting to go either. I squeezed my eyes shut again as the tear's welled up in them. A tear escaped anyway, and just as he had last night, he kissed it away, smoothing down my hair with his hand, and trying to pull away. I gripped him harder.

"Please…Naruto please…" He cried. My eyes snapped open, and I saw how it pained him to stay here longer. He just wanted to get his mission started and ended. I sighed, kissing his lips softly and letting him go, though every nerve in my body screamed not to. My arms screamed at my side's, wishing me to take him back into them. I wished I could, but I didn't…I ignored my gut feeling.

His cold lip's pressed against mine once more, a chaste kiss that lasted no more then a few second's, before he pulled away from me once again. The glistening tear's fell from his eyes in a soft patter, landing on my chest. I glanced fearfully at Sasuke's face, but he wouldn't look me in the eyes as he turned away and got his stuff together for his mission, almost as if he were hiding something from me.

"I love you." I whispered, sitting up and staring into my palms. His back stiffened and I looked up. He didn't respond, and after a few second's, begin moving again. A naked panic clawed itself through my body 15 minutes later as Sasuke jumped out the window, headed for the gate's. I watched him go, feeling an odd trepidation about that having been the last time I would see him, his back jumping from the window, ANBU mask pulled over his face. I ran to the window, searching for him, hoping to catch some glimpse of him, but he was gone, out of sight. Perhaps he'd been afraid of me following, I wasn't sure, but it felt like he'd broken my heart. He never left like that…he was afraid of losing anytime to see me before he left. Not this time…

The gnawing was biting at me furiously, screaming at me, telling me to think! To look at all the signs! Something was wrong, and I couldn't figure it out. I sat there, at the window, staring after the love of my life, tears falling off my cheeks. I could smell the sent that belonged to him and only him at the window, lingering there. It was faint, and it seemed so old. It seemed days old, rather then minute's, and it hurt to think about how quickly his sent disappeared, almost like it wanted me to remember how long he'd be away.

And then it hit me.

It felt like a freight train going a thousand mile's a minute rammed into the side of my head, not quite knocking me out. My breath whooshed out and my eyes got wide. The truth that had evaded me. A silent, breathless, shrill scream escaped my lips, my breathing quickened. It felt like hundred's of pound's had just been dropped on my heart, effectively breaking it, but not quite stopping it. Every breathe hurt as the floor came up to meet me. I didn't even have the pleasure of blacking out. Wave's of pain did their best to engulf me, washing away with a new wave and giving my breath back, only to have it taken again by another wave of pain.

My tear duct's were in a frenzy, bleeding fast and hard, almost never-ending. It didn't seem they would stop until they bled themselves out, until there were no more tears left to shed. I didn't care, I didn't care what happened to me now. If my intuition was right, then it wouldn't matter what happened to me after today. Nothing would matter anymore. I would cease to be.

A suicide mission.

I curled into a tiny ball as the word's ran through my head, printed in tiny font in the back of my mind, but the word's mine as well have been in size 100 for what they did to me. I shrill cry came from my mouth, and the tear's sped up. I gripped the windowsill, yanking myself up, not caring about the pain anymore.

He was never so gentle…he was never so quiet the night before he left. He was never so sad…he was never so eager to leave, so eager to escape the pain of leaving and possibly not coming back, not as he had been this morning. It seemed so obvious! My mind had been screaming it at me, my body had warned me not to let him go. I'd ignored it all, trusting him…trusting the world that had already destroyed me…beaten me…crushed me thousand's of time's before. I felt so stupid, so brainless…so heartbroken…

I yanked my clothes on, half blind, leg's weak, arm's numb. My body was in shock, in pain…my heart was in agony…my mind was in denial. I couldn't shove my arm's through the right hole's in the shirt, and threw it to my bed. My jean's were on wrong, and I yanked them off, fixing them as best as I could. They fit uncomfortably, but I didn't care. As long as the right leg's were through the right hole's. I ran from our apartment, down the stair's, tripping and falling half way down. I didn't stop, just got back up and kept running, ignoring the throbbing in my leg's, in the arm I'd landed on. No one in the town was about, and I thought the atmosphere seemed depressed, almost like a death sentence in the air. My mind shoved the thought away, hoping, praying that I was wrong, my conclusions false.

My heart screamed in it's agony. I told it to shut up, gripping at my chest and speeding to Tsunade's office, tripping and falling often. My face felt caked in blood and dirt. My hand's were encrusted with the wet sticky muck, but I just kept going. I only saw one face on my way, Sakura's. The look in her eyes, in the dazed state she sat in, tear's rolling down her face, had me swallowing convulsively as I ran past her up the hall to Tsunade's office. My throat felt raw and sore, and I realized their were already sob's ripping themselves from it. I flew through the door, collapsing onto my knee's as the first thing I saw before even getting a chance to stop running and catch a breath was the deep pain in Tsunade's eyes. She was already crying, bottle's of sake around her desk.

A grim smile formed on my lips, and a hysterical giggle escaped them. A deep booming laugh filled the room, and it took me a minute to realize it was mine. It choked off suddenly, an even louder and more gruesome scream of pure agony almost ripping the very fabric of the world in half. The sound echoed back to me, and I realized it was a double scream. My forehead hit the ground roughly, sobs wracking my body, uncontrolled snot filled my nose and leaking out, as it would always do when you're body is overcome with tears. I couldn't catch my breath fast enough between each sob, noises half animal taking over my body. My heart registered the shock of the double scream, realizing before my mind did who had screamed with me.

A shrill sound came from outside, and I cried even harder as I realized the pure agony Sakura would be in also. It would never be as bad as mine, but it would always ache her. She would live through it…

Tsunade's ample bust pressed into my side as she hugged me as close as she could.

"The elders…" She whispered… "Only the best will have a chance to destroy him. Only someone who knew the snake master will have a slim chance of survival and an insurance of death…" I didn't whisper as sob's shook her body. I didn't answer as I collapsed to the floor. I let the hope come, I let it wash over me in the wave's of pain, mixed in in an equal amount, for the next few solid hour's.

But all the hope washed out as the whole town was bathed in a scream, a death scream. Another scream came right after it, and my body registered it. It was almost sundown when I stood up, the sob's never stopping, the tear's never faltering. Tsunade stared up at me, gripping my hand and trying to keep me from leaving.

"La…st…lett..letter." I choked out through my sob's, leaving her to grieve without me.

The journey home was even more treacherous. Family's stood in doorway's, silent tear's streaming down their face's. I didn't catch any of their eyes as I trudged home, didn't acknowledge their bowed head's, their glance of sympathy, the whispered word's or prayer's they sent out to me. I ignored them all as they'd ignored me my entire life.

The love of my life had given up his life for them, to save them from an end I wasn't always sure they didn't deserve. They were my people, yes, and I'd been protecting them for most of my life. I'd sworn to earn their acceptance, but now that I had I felt no succession, just pain…pure pain that would kill me in the end. It had taken my loss to gain their respect. They weren't happy until I lost something precious to me, also.

My mind was numb, my eyes glazed over and not caring what the villager's thought of my anymore. If me losing someone was the only way I could earn their acceptance, then so be it, but I wouldn't be alive to thrive in it, I wouldn't survive the night. My body hummed in the cold fire that I always felt on my body whenever Sasuke touched me, but this time, it burned me as memories of Sasuke's face above mine, leaning down to kiss me, from last night drove through my mind. I felt the fire engulf my body, as it did when Sasuke used to enter me, but this time it burned a searing agony that was more painful then when real fire engulfed me.

I reached the apartment slowly, climbing the stairs in an oddly calm trance. Their was no sign of my agony on the outside anymore, but it was like a molten rock on the inside. I opened the door slowly, aching to reach the letter and read it, aching to read his last words. The day was at its close, the sun setting in wave's of pink, orange, purple, and red. It was beautiful, and it broke my heart to watch it disappear for the last time. I closed the door behind me, turning the lock to keep anyone from visiting for the rest of the night. I wanted one more night…one more night before I would disappear forever. I wanted one more sunset…one more I love you.

I reached my hand out and gripped the letter in it's stand, falling to the ground were Sasuke had made love with me the night before. I opened it brokenly, robotically.

My dearest Naruto,

There is no doubt in my mind that by the time I have left tomorrow, you will have realized what's really going on. I have been sent on a suicide mission, though they say there is a possibility that I will survive. Orochimaru has been found hiding in a pass in the forest near our home. Out of the team of 7 ANBU who were sent to scout out the wood's for any active sign of a threat, one came back with the news of Orochimaru's hide out. The elders have chosen me, and forced me into going through fear of death to the entity of Konoha if I do not go. I was not allowed to say no. Though they believe I will die, I will try my hardest to return to you. I love you more then the earth itself, more then the sunrise I first told you I loved you over. I love you more then I could ever say with word's, more then you could have ever guessed.

My heart has belonged to you for year's on end. It has always been yours, and it only ever could be yours. As fate would have it, we have lost each other once more, but I will always remain in your heart.

They day's will go by, and I hope to live my day's in heaven watching you live yours until you're ready to come home to me.

You're dearest Sasuke

Tear marks were splattered all over the scroll, bleeding some of the ink away. My eyes re-filled with tear's as I let the agony take over all function of my body once more. I willed it to bring me to sleep, and it did, a fitful and unmerciful one.

--

My eyes opened slowly, breathlessly, to a dark sky, edges of light just beginning to creep into it. I didn't pay attention to my surrounding's as I stared out the window Sasuke had exited through yesterday, not caring that an enemy ninja could easily be about to stab me in the back. I inhaled deeply the sent on Sasuke's pillow, not quite remembering when I'd dragged myself off the living room floor and into our bedroom. Not remembering when I'd lied down on Sasuke's side of the bed, snuggling into his scent covered pillow. I watched the sun begin its rise over the mountains. I watched the sky light up for the last time, sealing away the darkness for a later moment in time.

Tear's pooled from my eyes, but I didn't pay heed to them. I'd cried so hard last night that the pain in my head was that of what Sasuke'd complained about when he'd had a hangover. I'd never had a hangover, and I knew the throbbing would be over soon, but it was nice to know the pain Sasuke'd once complained about in life.

As the color's of the sunset begin to fade, and the blue of the sky took their place, I sat up, preparing for how things would end. My eye's didn't move from the sunrise, and at just the moment I remembered Sasuke having told me he loved me for the first time, I heard a sound from the doorway, and realized someone had been there the whole time. I didn't glance that way, not wishing to see the person who was here to try and stop me from doing anything drastic.

"I love you." A husky voice whispered, voice echoing around the room. My head pivoted and I almost got whiplash as I spun to face the voice.

"Sa…sasuke? SASUKE!"

-Owari-

KUKUKU Evil author! I thought I should leave the ending for your guy's imagination, but if you REALLY want me to write some fluff to go with the end, well it only take's enough hopeful reviews, though I personally think this is the place I should end it. Especially since it's supposed to be an angsty fic. And originally, Sasuke was supposed to die in the end, so I don't know what happened there XDD Nothing I plan ever comes out exactly the same, but that's probably a good thing to you guys.