I like a lot of things, some of them ordinary. The stuff everyone else likes: happy endings, good feelings and ice cream (well, there are some who don't like ice cream, but I digress). However, it's only natural to want something you can't have, right? That's what makes something special. It's not normal. It's not ordinary. It makes you special, in a strange way. It means you're not like everyone else. And something that's special is special for a reason, right?
So I have a confession: I love special things.
My brother is one of those special things.
Even if he weren't my brother, I'd still love him. He'd still be special to me. He's a special person. If you meet him, you just know he's kind. It radiates from him. He has a gentle soul, but I know he tries to encase it with his inner strength. He's often been told that he's too nice. I don't think there is such a thing as being too nice. But what I know for sure is that there's nice, and then there's Mikiya. He's something else.
You see? I love special things.
I wouldn't say Mikiya loves special things. I'd say he loves scary, freakish things.
I mean, duh, of course she's beautiful, there's no doubt about that. She's like one of those classical beauties: cloud-pale skin and perfect posture and elegantly simple clothing. But she's freakish, all right. Dresses like a lady, talks like a man. Oh, and of course she's charming when she's not causing copious blood spatter.
I open the door and walk into the room, and once again he's there with her – that thing, that thing standing between him and me. And she has the nerve to give me an oh-so-charming smile and a dainty wave of the hand, does she? She's always there; she's a bitter, stinging reminder that what I feel will only hurt me; that those powerful, profound feelings will only throb with increasing intensity day after day.
Okay. To tell the truth, people say I overdramatise a fair bit. Well, Touko-san says that a lot anyway, but she says a lot of things, some indicative of subtle insanity. But I guess I do exaggerate sometimes. Because, if I'm going to be totally honest, I do actually like Shiki some days. Not that I'm going to tell her that. Ever. But we have a mutual respect, in a way.
But what I could never overdramatise are my feelings for Mikiya. They've always been there, and always will. All the things I've done out of that love… I've accomplished many great things, but some days it feels like I'm fighting a battle that I was destined to lose before it even began.
My head tells me that I'll never win. That he'll never see me as anything other than his little sister. My heart says otherwise.
I'm walking down a precarious road, and it's too late to turn back. I've already thrown away the logic. There are no maps anymore, and my compass only points to Mikiya.
And, you know, I'm okay with that for now. I'll always be here. I'll always love him. The battle's only lost when I say it is.
He's too special to give up without a fight.