Hey guys, just another Sirius Remus friendship one-shot for the collection. This one's a bit more serious because of certain recent events. But anyways, I'm not going to bore you with my angst so enjoy!
Remus Lupin sat comfortably in his armchair in front of the warm crackling fireplace. A good book in one hand and a cup of warm tea in the other.
Needless to say he was having a very peaceful evening.....And then something hit him.
It was quiet. Too quiet.
Sirius, who had been staying with him since he broke out of Azkaban, hadn't made a sound in the past hour. Not a single crash of a vase or bark. Nothing. It was...it was almost worrying.
Remus set his book and cup of tea aside, deciding that he should check up on his friend. He was a bit concerned on two levels. The first was the who are you and what have you done with Sirius game. And the other was a more serious level. Was something wrong?
Remus quickly made his way up to the room that had become Sirius's and stopped at the door. He hesitated a while before knocking. He waited for a moment but when he recieved no reply he began to get a bit worried "Sirius? I'm coming in, alright?" He waited a few more seconds for a reply before twisting the bronze door knob and stepping into the room.
He felt a bit stupid for getting so worked up when he found Sirius sitting on his bed, perfectly fine.
But Remus suddenly noticed something. Sirius's head hung low, there was something in his hand and he was sitting deathly still. "Sirius?" he called softly. The other did not respond.
"Sirius?" he said again, this time he began walking towards his friend. He sat down on the bed next to Sirius and put a hand on his shoulder "Are you alright?" Remus's eyes went to the item in his friend's hand. A small picture frame.
Remus felt his heart sink. He prayed to the lord and all things holy that, that wasn't a picture of who he thought it was of. Because if it was then there could be a serious problem. He softly pulled the frame away from Sirius's hand, surprised that his friend's fingers were just barely even holding it.
Remus slowly flipped the frame over to look at the picture. And his heart sank even further as he saw the picture. It was an old picture that Remus remembered clearly taking some 16 years ago. All the way to the right was Remus, who was holding a 6 month old Harry. Remus went from rolling his eyes at Sirius(who was beside him with an arm around him) to gazing fondly at Harry. The child's gaze shifted from the man carrying him, to the people beside him. Because standing next to Remus was Sirius, who was grinning madly. He had an arm around James, who had one arm around him, and the other around Lily. All five of them were smiling contently, fooling around as people their age normally did.
It stung Remus deeply to see the picture. To see what they had once been. And then suddenly Remus realized, this was what Sirius's sudden change in behavior was about.
"Sirius, it's alright-" Remus began but the other was quick to cut him off.
"It's not alright" came Sirius's weak, hoarse voice. He spoke without even so much as looking up "It'll never be alright. And it's all my fault..."
"Sirius, it's not your fault, it's...it's his" Remus said, not even bothering to say Peter's name.
"That's easy for you to say you didn't make a move so stupid as to blame the guy in the group that would fall to pieces if he hurt even his pet goldfish. I was such an idiot..."
Remus didn't know how to reply to that one.
"I told him....It told James" Sirius's voice wavered as he said his late friend's name "I told him to make Peter his secret keeper. I told him he couldn't trust you....I...I practically threw him into the hands of death. It was all my fault."
Remus glanced at the picture in his hands one more time before he set it aside. And for the first time he looked down at Sirius's face. He felt a pang in his chest when he saw his normally hyperactive and vibrant friend's tear streaked face "Sirius..." he whispered as he gently put an arm around the other man's shoulder and pulled him into and embrace.
Sirius's reaction however shook Remus to the core. Because as soon as Remus pulled him close, Sirius roughly threw his arms around his friend's neck, burried his face into the werewolf's shoulder....and began to cry.
His entire body wracked with sobs and he tried to supress the helpless whimpers that escaped him every so often.
"Shh, it's alright Sirius. It's alright" Remus whispered into his friend's ear. It hurt him so much to see his brother like this. It made him hurt just as much as Sirius was "It's going to be fine...I promise."
This time Sirius didn't bother to respond. He simply released all the emtions that had piled up inside of him over the course 13 years.
And Remus allowed him to do this in peace. Because he knew how it felt to be completely shattered. And then what it felt like to have no one there to tell it to. So he held the other man as he violently shook. Letting out all the tears, all the pain and the hurt.
After the longest time, Remus finally felt Sirius calm down. The whimpers had died down and the shaking mere trembling now.
He took a deep breath "Sirius, you need rest" he stated.
Sirius quietly pulled away from his friend "I'm sorry....about all this."
"Not at all Sirius. This had to happen some time. Better now than never. We're in war Sirius, at any moment anything can happen to either of us. And god forbid something happens to one of us, and these words go unsaid, we'll never be able to forgive ourselves" Remus said softly "Now, you should get some sleep."
Sirius simply nodded. He pulled his legs onto the bed and pushed himself back to lay down. Remus got off the bed and headed for the door "And you better not be a heart pounding mess when I come back to check on you, ok? Make sure to gimme a bark or break a treasured possesion every once in a while to let me know you're ok. You almost gave a heart attack and a half back there."
Sirius let out a dry laugh "Just doing my job, boss."
Remus smiled warmly at him before he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. And as he returned to his book and cup of tea(which was now cold, but he didn't really mind) Remus knew this wouldn't be the last time he would have to do this. Because he had his fair share of tears. A good amount of crumpling up on the floor and just wanting to die because it hurt so much inside. He'd been through it all. And he knew that if his friend was feeling anything like he did, then he would have to go in and comfort him at least one more time. Because even Sirius Black cried sometimes.
I know most of my Remus Sirius one-shots have a funny light heared ending but I couldn't bring myself to do that for this one. So yeah...
Please review, maybe it'll help my mood a bit =]