Written for Violet for the BBCMerlinSecretSanta on tumblr. Merry Christmas and I apologise for being a bit late!
Her prompt was: 'Morgana/Arthur reincarnation, maybe when Arthur rises from the lake Morgana is there? Since they died so close to each other. Or a simple Morgana/Arthur reunion set after the end of the show.'
I kind of ended up mashing your two requests together, since this isn't quite reincarnation, but I hope you like it anyway! I hope everyone else does as well, please let me know what you think. :)
Everything came into colour all at once.
With a gasp, Morgana shot up, hand immediately flying to the wound in her stomach. Her heart beat erratically in her ears; the feeling of the bladesliding clean through her still vivid in her mind.
She leaned over to her side and dry heaved, the only action her body was willing to let her make. Once- twice- before she was able to take anotherfull breath in and let her nerves settle.
What had happened? Why was she here?
She took a frantic glance around before the reality of the situation finally set in.
She'd been killed. By Merlin.
Morgana waited for her burning anger to finally set in, but all she felt was a numbness. She waited longer.
Nothing.
Emrys had killed her. He'd been her doom, just like the Cailleach had said. Why couldn't she summon her rage and frustration anymore?
I blame myself for what you've become.
Her eyes stung. She swallowed. She didn't want to think about this.
She blamed him too.
But, this has to end.
And it did. Or at least, she'd thought it had. Why was she alive now? Was the blade useless against her after all?
A branch snapped to her left. Her head whipped around, and in a second she was scrambling to her feet, backing away but holding her hand out infront of her defensively.
From in between the trees Arthur stepped out.
The surprise was obvious on both of their faces.
Morgana didn't make a move to attack him, even though she thought about it, but she didn't understand why.
She didn't understand any of it.
She'd been convinced that she'd won. That after everything, Mordred's blade had done what it had meant to and succeeded in ending her brother.
She didn't understand why in her heart, she was relieved to see that he was alive. Not after how many years she'd wanted him dead.
Ir was Arthur who spoke first.
"Morgana, you..."
He trailed off, and glanced away.
For whatever reason, that action irritated her. She raised her hand again, only to stop mid-way through the motion, eyes on her wrist.
Purple, not black. She was certain that she had been wearing...
Morgana glanced down not to be greeted with her black dress, but instead the purple and blue one that she'd loved so much from her days inCamelot.
Her eyes glanced back to Arthur's.
"You're alright," he smiled sadly. He looked... happy? And heartbroken. But she'd killed him. How did that make any sense?
Her brain argued that she didn't kill him directly. It really didn't have to be directly.
"Why are you here?" she managed, lacing as much venom into her voice as she could.
"I'm... not sure," Arthur chuckled nervously. "To be honest, I thought I was dead."
Him too? Then she'd won the war after all.
What use is winning if you're dead?
She didn't know what caused her to respond. Was it the lack of the anger that had been burning in her chest for the past seven years? Was it thatsomehow, no matter how illogical it was, she felt safe here? In the very same spot she'd been murdered? Wasn't that ironic.
But yes, she did. It was almost as though this place guaranteed happiness. It was a weird feeling, one she didn't understand.
"As did I."
He looked at her in surprise, before something flitted behind his eyes and then he paused.
"Oh. That's right."
He hadn't remembered before that?
Arthur turned back around, looking over the line of trees to the lake that wasn't so far in the distance.
"I was certain I was. But then I woke up right next to the lake. You can't wake up if you're dead, right?"
Morgana wasn't so sure, she'd never been dead before. But she'd been close, and it hadn't been too much different than this, now that she thoughtback to it.
A tranquil peace. One that had evaporated the moment she'd been brutally ripped back into reality and then filled with the intense rage of betrayal.
There was a vague image of her sister whispering incantations above her.
She didn't respond. The silence stretched on; her brother shifted awkwardly in front of her. She'd never seen Arthur look so out of his element. Notsince they were little, when she'd always made him feel that way.
Maybe he was feeling just as out of his element as she was.
She should be trying to kill him, she reasoned. He should be cursing her out and condemning her entire existence.
"I apologise."
Morgana started. "What?"
Arthur wouldn't meet her eyes.
"I apologise. For everything."
And then he was looking at her with such earnest eyes. Not with pity. Not like what she'd seen from him for the years before their deaths. Butactual, sincere regret.
"I'm so sorry for everything that happened. That I did, that father did. I'm sorry I didn't consult you more when I had the chance, and that I didn'ttrust you. I didn't bother to listen to you and I... god, I'm just so stupid."
He looked like he was struggling for words and wanted to run, but he continued rambling.
"I'm sorry you were scared and I couldn't help you. That I was so, blinded from how I'd been raised and so submerged into Uther's ways and life ofhatred that I couldn't see the suffering I was causing to everyone. Your suffering right in front of my eyes, and I was too blind to notice. And theneverything happened and I was just..." He paused, "Defenseless. And scared. And that made it even worse for you, even more so after that becauseof me. I didn't do anything to help, and I apologise. You're not a monster, you're my sister."
Tears welled in her eyes, but they didn't fall.
"I should have seen that."
How long had she wanted to hear that?
How long had she wanted some form of acknowledgement from them of her pain?
After all this time, he finally understood.
Why did it have to take him so long?
Why did she have to set about for his death - why did he have to die before Arthur finally understood?
She supposed he always had been rather thick skulled.
And she wasn't angry anymore. That numbness was being replaced with something warmer.
Tears slid down her cheeks and Morgana closed her eyes.
They shot open when she found a pair of familiar arms wrapping around her.
Arthur was holding her. Everything was as it should be. She didn't have to be scared anymore.
She didn't have to be alone anymore.
"Will you forgive me?" he whispered against her hair softly, almost so quiet she couldn't hear it. Like he was afraid of the answer.
Morgana pretended not to hear him. She was still hurt, and those wounds would take a while longer to heal. But she was at peace now, more sothan she could ever remember.
Funny that it took her death for it to finally come to her.
A few more moments passed in silence before a distant laughter and a playful teasing had begun to travel along the wind. It seemed... familiarsomehow. Not at all strange in this place.
Arthur chuckled, loosening his hold on her. He turned his head towards where the nose seemed to be drifting from.
"Let's go find them. I'd know the sound of Gwaine tormenting Elyan anywhere."
He took her hand in his, but she held him steady. Arthur blinked down at her with confused eyes.
Morgana didn't want to go. How could they ever forgive her for what she'd done?
Arthur squeezed her hand tightly, and Morgana blinked up.
"It's alright. I'll explain everything to them. You don't have to be afraid anymore."
And he whisked Morgana away, and she took one last look behind her before turning following him.
Despite being an identical copy, the view of the lake was so much prettier from the other side.