Disclaimer: I don't own any part of HDM. Cause you thought I did, right?
Summary: Will and Lyra parody. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of it all..but it's so fun to make fun of! Flame away.
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The park was awash in pale moonlight. The air was chilly, and Lyra shivered.
"If I close my eyes." She whispered. "It will all just GO AWAY."
" 'Fraid not." Will replied conversationally. "Trust me, I've tried" Lyra looked up at him, her pale blue eyes shining with anger, annoyance, and the desire to kill the annoying fan fiction writer watching them from behind a shrubbery.
Will put a calming, or rather, restraining hand on her shoulder. "Breathe." He told her.
"But-" she whined.
Will raised an eyebrow at her. "See? It's already getting to you."
Lyra growled. "I don't whine. Since when do I whine? It's that damn fiction.oh god, now I'm swearing?" she shot an angry glance at the fanwriter. "Please, let's at least be original here."
"Don't fight it." Will advised wisely. "It's a phase. It'll pass. Trust me."
"At least there aren't any Mary-Sues." Lyra conceded, allowing him to lead her to a strategically placed bench. She looked over at the fan writer. "There aren't any Mary-Sues, are there?"
"Errrr." the fangirl said. "Probably not."
Lyra nodded with satisfaction and relaxed a smidgen. "So," she asked Will. "What happened this time?"
"I fell through a plot hole." He explained. "You see, despite the fact that we would eventually cause the end of sentient existence by being together, the angels forgot to mention that we can randomly open portals and transport ourselves through them."
"Not that old shtick." Lyra moaned. She paused and frowned. "Oh, I'm angsty."
"I noticed."
"It's murder, I tell you. Didn't these god**** people read the god**** books!?!?!"
"Why are you speaking in asterisks?" Will asked.
"I don't know, god****it!" Lyra shrieked, her eyes wide with fear.
Just then, Kirjava and Pan fell through a plot hole in the unrealistically clear night sky.
"Pan, where have you been?" Lyra asked. "Oh, the writer forgot about me until now." Pantalaimon explained. "Same goes for her."
Lyra shot a nasty glare at the fanwriter. She trembled and quickly wrote the first diversion that came to her mind. A beautiful girl sprung fully formed from nowhere, trailing with her a sleek unicorn daemon.
Will was instantly smitten. He shut his eyes tightly, still feeling the presence of the girl intensely.
The girl laughed softly. Lyra rolled her eyes and then immediately felt bad for rolling her eyes at such a beautiful and powerful creature.
"Dammit." She muttered. She turned to the girl. "Who are you?" she asked predictably.
The girl, predictably, smiled wisely and replied, "Hush a moment, will you? I have to finish thinking angsty, poor-me thoughts. The introductions aren't until the next chapter."
"Oh right, sorry." Lyra nodded. Pan perched on her shoulder and whispered.
Right now we're jealously thinking about how much we hate this girl we've never met because will has fallen in love with her."
Lyra closed her eyes and then rounded on the fanwriter. "You said no Mary- Sues!" she growled. "And stop making me growl, I'm not completely unhinged, you know."
Will made moony eyes at the yet-to-be-introduced Mary Sue.
The fanwriter shrugged meekly. "Well, it's an important part of the story."
Lyra rolled her eyes and then turned to Will, smacking him hard across the face.
"Ouch!" he cried, staring disbelievingly at her with disbelief, the fanwriter wrote redundantly.
"Hurry up and finish your boring inner-monologue about the beautiful stranger." Lyra said. "It's almost time for chapter two."
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Summary: Will and Lyra parody. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of it all..but it's so fun to make fun of! Flame away.
________________________________________________________________________
The park was awash in pale moonlight. The air was chilly, and Lyra shivered.
"If I close my eyes." She whispered. "It will all just GO AWAY."
" 'Fraid not." Will replied conversationally. "Trust me, I've tried" Lyra looked up at him, her pale blue eyes shining with anger, annoyance, and the desire to kill the annoying fan fiction writer watching them from behind a shrubbery.
Will put a calming, or rather, restraining hand on her shoulder. "Breathe." He told her.
"But-" she whined.
Will raised an eyebrow at her. "See? It's already getting to you."
Lyra growled. "I don't whine. Since when do I whine? It's that damn fiction.oh god, now I'm swearing?" she shot an angry glance at the fanwriter. "Please, let's at least be original here."
"Don't fight it." Will advised wisely. "It's a phase. It'll pass. Trust me."
"At least there aren't any Mary-Sues." Lyra conceded, allowing him to lead her to a strategically placed bench. She looked over at the fan writer. "There aren't any Mary-Sues, are there?"
"Errrr." the fangirl said. "Probably not."
Lyra nodded with satisfaction and relaxed a smidgen. "So," she asked Will. "What happened this time?"
"I fell through a plot hole." He explained. "You see, despite the fact that we would eventually cause the end of sentient existence by being together, the angels forgot to mention that we can randomly open portals and transport ourselves through them."
"Not that old shtick." Lyra moaned. She paused and frowned. "Oh, I'm angsty."
"I noticed."
"It's murder, I tell you. Didn't these god**** people read the god**** books!?!?!"
"Why are you speaking in asterisks?" Will asked.
"I don't know, god****it!" Lyra shrieked, her eyes wide with fear.
Just then, Kirjava and Pan fell through a plot hole in the unrealistically clear night sky.
"Pan, where have you been?" Lyra asked. "Oh, the writer forgot about me until now." Pantalaimon explained. "Same goes for her."
Lyra shot a nasty glare at the fanwriter. She trembled and quickly wrote the first diversion that came to her mind. A beautiful girl sprung fully formed from nowhere, trailing with her a sleek unicorn daemon.
Will was instantly smitten. He shut his eyes tightly, still feeling the presence of the girl intensely.
The girl laughed softly. Lyra rolled her eyes and then immediately felt bad for rolling her eyes at such a beautiful and powerful creature.
"Dammit." She muttered. She turned to the girl. "Who are you?" she asked predictably.
The girl, predictably, smiled wisely and replied, "Hush a moment, will you? I have to finish thinking angsty, poor-me thoughts. The introductions aren't until the next chapter."
"Oh right, sorry." Lyra nodded. Pan perched on her shoulder and whispered.
Right now we're jealously thinking about how much we hate this girl we've never met because will has fallen in love with her."
Lyra closed her eyes and then rounded on the fanwriter. "You said no Mary- Sues!" she growled. "And stop making me growl, I'm not completely unhinged, you know."
Will made moony eyes at the yet-to-be-introduced Mary Sue.
The fanwriter shrugged meekly. "Well, it's an important part of the story."
Lyra rolled her eyes and then turned to Will, smacking him hard across the face.
"Ouch!" he cried, staring disbelievingly at her with disbelief, the fanwriter wrote redundantly.
"Hurry up and finish your boring inner-monologue about the beautiful stranger." Lyra said. "It's almost time for chapter two."
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