Home.
Something I haven't had in a long time. I should have never agreed to be their 'dog'. They changed me made me a cruel blood thirsty killer. Why? Why, when I think of this I always start to cry. I have lived for so long all because of two really crappy boyfriends. La Push that's a nice name for my former home, the land I was born in. Maybe I can go back and finally live there like I tried to 50 years ago. That was fun but it only lasted for a couple months thanks to Billy Black and his screw ball friends.
I could go back to where Bella was living. I don't even remember where that was now, how sad. I like her well, no, I love her like a little sister because I stayed there so long and she didn't leave me she hadn't died. I was her babysitter, her friend and even her tutor. I think I will go to Forks. It's an ok place to stay. Maybe with the Cullen, they owe me that much.
The wind feels so good as it rushes through my hair. As I fall to the rocks and ocean below me. I know it won't hurt if they hit me. I mean I have no feeling, I am a vampire. No, I am a monster. The term vampire is too good for the likes of me. A mutt. A freak. A monster. But I had this strange sense of peace, and a feeling that I thought had abandoned me long ago, returned. It was HOPE. I was feeling hopeful and that was good I could finally have something to look forward to.
The waves reached up to meet me but right before I was engulfed by the waves I heard a cry like someone was trying to call for help for me. No one could help me and I didn't need any. The ocean was very refreshing I have never been so happy to feel it's cold embrace. But why should it be cold I mean I had locked away the other two sides of the monstrosity that is me. So that I would just need blood of people or animals it didn't matter to me. So that I wouldn't have to feel the wounds that always open up in my heart when I do feel.
When I final came to the cold hard shore. My clothes were wet and I need to change. The shirt I was wearing had been ripped and torn by the pounding waves of the ocean. The shirt had been 3 sizes to big when I had got into the water know it barely fit me. My shorts had been the same I had taken them from some room that a guy had let me in. He was just another one of the many humans that I have had to collect for them to see if they could be used.
I need to run to let myself go wild again. I needed to feel the warmth. To hear my heart beat again and this time maybe when it stops I will be free of this world. The pain was almost unbearable it hurt to even try to breath. It just wouldn't stop it felt so badly. But it was always like this when I had to restart my heart to let the inside of my body needs something other than another's blood. I could feel hot fresh tears run down my face. I finally heard it the slow steady beat of my heart. I was so happy that I started to thank the god that had left me to rot in this world never dying never aging.
The transformation was fast and painless I could feel my muscles ripple under my think white fur. When ever I showed this form to anyone they would always scream or run. Bella was the only person who had never shown any fear towards me. I had shown her on her 7th birthday. She had said that I was beautiful almost as beautiful as when I looked human. That I was pure that even the whitest snow would look tainted compared to my fur. Even when I started to run with her on my back all she could do was laugh and she liked me for me. The part of me that was La Push the shape shifter what I was born as.
Pain erupted from my head. I could hear no see their thoughts of every single one of them what they cared for. I had never felt this be for. As I howled in pain I heard it the noise that had always put fear into my heart. I turned around there standing right before me the one person in the world that I hated more than I hated them. My father. Like most he love my human form but once he saw that I was like him. No I wasn't like him I was better, I was stronger than all of my brothers, learned faster, I had the true instincts of a wolf, and I was even bigger than most of my brothers.
'What do you want?' my voice was strong clear and threatening but also very ruff because I hadn't changed back.
'I want you to live in our old home. To live where you belong,' he had a wicked grin on his face he was mocking me.
'Home. Once you learned that I was like this, you left me to fend for myself you never loved me not once. I don't belong anywhere. You leave La Push,' I said the more time I spent with him the deeper the wounds his words would give me.
'I was just leaving actually they are going to see you. We both know that you can't move at least not till I am at least a mile away.'
"Then go. I NEVER want to see you again. At all even if I am dying I don't want to see you face.'
'I love you too my sweet little pup. By the way I am impressed that you can talk when you are a 7ft tall wolf. I can't even do that,' and with that he turned and left me all alone just like always.