I Can't Help It
By: HoMeSlIcE4LiFe
A/N Hey y'all! Sorry this companion to "It Just Happened" took so long. I started this, then felt uninspired. But, it's here, finally! This is at that same moment in Lily's head, but this time, we're in James' head! I hope you all enjoy, and that it was worth the wait!
"Why?"
The word escaped me before I could even register what I was saying. It was as if my subconscious knew that I was confused and didn't understand, and that it was driving me crazy.
In front of me was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I loved her more than she could tell. She thought I was crazy, and a liar. I meant every word of what I told her. But she didn't seem to believe a word I said. She did, however, believe my image. She thought I was perfect. Perfect at school; perfect at Quidditch; perfect at getting people to like me; and perfectly happy.
She didn't know that my perfect happiness was impossible without her in my arms. I would give up everything and anything: Quidditch, good grades, all of the people I knew. I would give it all up, just so that I could have her. I've tried so hard to make her understand that I'm none of the horrible things she says I am. I've tried to get her to see me, the real me, but she can't.
I've also tried to forget about her, but I can't. I can't help but want to be near her, loving her, and making her understand. She's perfect in every way, and I love her. I want to understand why, though. Why can she not love me like I do her? I have so many questions. I need her. I can't help it.
She's got the most beautiful green eyes that give away her every emotion. I can't help but stare at them whenever I get the chance.
She's so dedicated to her schoolwork, and excels in everything she tries. I can't help but wish she took half as much interest in me.
She has the most adorable laugh that she reserves for the funniest of moments. I can't help but pray that I could bring that laugh to the surface, instead of scowls and cruel words.
She's nice to almost everyone, even that git, Snape. I can't help but want to be one of those lucky people.
She knows how to have fun and will occasionally let loose. I can't help but wish I was the one she let's go with.
She's so interesting, leaving a special touch in everything she does. I can't help but want to feel that special touch first-hand.
She's got the sweetest smile. I can't help but pray that one day, that smile will be directed at me.
She remembers everything. I can't help but wish that she could forget my past, and her idea of me.
She was perfect. That is why I love her. She was perfect in the facts that she had the world at her feet; that she was brilliant; and that she knew exactly who she was. She was perfect and I could not stand it.
I love her because I can't help myself. I love her because I know that she can make me better. I love her because I need to have her in my life, for the rest of my life.
I look to her face after a minute of silence. I see sadness, concern, and confusion. She has to understand, right? She has to know why she doesn't love me, right?
She thinks I'm cruel, arrogant, annoying, and unworthy. And now, looking into her eyes, I see a flicker of something other than hatred.
She believes I'm a horrible person. I can't help but regret everything I ever did to make her think that.
She doesn't love me. I can't help but love her anyway.
A/N Well, how'd you like it???? It's funny how each of them think the other's perfect, but then again, isn't that what loves supposed to be about? Let me know what you think in a review! Brownies to those of you who do! Hope you all liked it!
Love!
Alex