I do not own Harry Potter.
It was a good day in the pet shop in Diagin ally. Our hero Hedwig was pondering the meaning of life when a giant hairy man walked into the shop. The man pointed at Hedwig, "I want that one!" He said to the room at large. Several seconds went by then the room at large responded with a defining, "OK!" As the man carried our caged hero out into the busy streets one thought kept repeating itself over and over again. "Aw man what the hell?"
Hedwig opened her eyes and quickly shut them again. There was a small hideous girl staring at him with a pair of greenish green eyes. "Hello my fethered friend," said the small girl. "My name is Harry." If Hedwig had not been concentrating on trying to kill the child with her mined maybe she would have noticed that Harry was a very strange name for a small girl. The girl continued to talk, "I'll call you Debby, since I assume you are girl, but I think I will still cast you as a boy for the movies." There was no doubt in Hedwig's large mined that this person was by no means sane.
It had been several days' since our Hedwig was captured by the insane little girl or Lora as Hedwig now called her. Hedwig was cleaning Hedwig's feathers. A noise came from behind Hedwig, Hedwig turned around slowly. "Oh, hey." Hedwig said.
"Sup," replied, the author.
"Not much," Hedwig said sadly.
"Soooooooo, how do you like my fanfiction so far?" inquired the handsome author.
"Pretty lame," replied Hedwig sternly.
"What!? What's wrong with it!?" said the author through tears.
Hedwig laughed cruelly, "What isn't wrong with it! It's too short, it barely has a plot and hey, have you ever even heard of pronouns!?" "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" wined the author. "I'm going home!"
Authors note: Well, I'm done. Hope you enjoy! (Even though Hedwig was a big fat stupid ugly jerk!) Please Read and Review!
PS: all spelling and grammar Nazi will be hunted down and dissected for recreational purposes.