Not So Perfect After All
By Angelikyte Alexiel
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or any of the names or characters related to the writings of Stephenie Meyer.
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I remember when I thought I had found The One.
Our paths crossed in a typical way; one that isn't really even worth telling. Then again, it's possible I've forgotten. It didn't make a difference those cozy, perfect nights we shared in each other's arms. What I do remember is how easy it was to be with him, how all he had to do was look down at me and smile his crooked smile and I would instantly feel a surge of happiness. How his voice would sound when he told me that he loved me, and how it would send a shiver down my spine when he told me that I was beautiful. Even though I had never believed that I was even mildly pretty, the way the words escaped his lips made it seem so real, so natural to me that I couldn't ever question it. All I had to do was look up into his eyes and I would know exactly what he was thinking, and even though he swore he never could tell what was on my mind, he would smile down at me as though he understood, and we would lose ourselves forever in each other's eyes.
So it was a surprise when we split. At least, I thought it would seem that way. But it seemed like I was the only one who saw it that way. Well, I wasn't the only one. He saw it that way, too.
Edward.
My life is a happy one, don't get me wrong. I'm in a good relationship with a caring individual who I know loves me, and I love him, too. But there are still nights where I close my eyes, and a dark figure with bronze hair and green eyes that stand out in the dark were the only thing I could see in the mists of my mind. He haunted me now, despite the fact that I was certain his dreams were peaceful at night. It wasn't fair. There may have been things I was guilty of during our time together, but he had become different. He had changed. By the time I had the strength to tell him it was over, he was so distorted from the Edward I had met and fallen in love with that I didn't even recognize the man before me on that cold, rainy day. I would never forget how I had been so tense on that day; so uncomfortable. And yet he never noticed. Not once. The Edward I knew would have caught on in a heartbeat that there was something wrong. The Edward I loved…
But this was not my Edward. This Edward sat back and laughed at the building tension. It was all I could do not to pull my hair out. The tension grew until I could no longer take it, and the final fight began.
It was one of those moments I preferred not to think about. There were other things I would rather focus my mind on, and while Edward was something I would rather forget, he always wound up being in my thoughts anyway. The way the sight of him for the first time captured my interest. The way his voice sounded when he first introduced himself, and the new form of shyness I felt radiating from myself as I introduced myself in return. The way I felt when he asked for my number, and the way I felt when he first called. I felt a shiver run down my spine as my mind began to recall everything all at once.
How nervous I felt when we first spent time together.
How surprised I was at his innocent gesture when I left that night. I had expected him to want to kiss me, and he hadn't.
How eager I began finding myself to see him again.
How I had felt tiny sparks between us when his hand brushed against mine.
How it had felt like electricity surging between us when he held it.
How I'd had a feeling one day that he was trying to find a way to kiss me.
How it felt when he finally did. I would never forget how easy it had been to turn my face to his, allowing our lips to meet; how gentle the kisses had been, but how sweet and addictive they were, and how we were able to keep kissing so innocently, but how it was more than enough.
Falling asleep in his arms as he stroked my hair.
Hearing his gentle, rumbling voice tell me that he loved me for the very first time.
Realizing that I loved him, too.
Knowing that I never wanted to lose him.
The day he asked if I would be his forever.
How natural it felt saying yes.
And yet, here I was now, not knowing where he was, how he was, or what he was doing while on the arm of someone else. While I wasn't miserable without him, I couldn't help but reminisce on all of those good times we had shared. If anything, it was easier thinking of the positive rather than remembering all of the negatives; those horrible experiences that had snowballed and changed the outcome of everything I once thought was my future. He had been such a gentleman that first year together; he seemed like a dream come true. But as I reflected on those times, I saw more obviously those moments where he had been a lot like the stranger I ran away from not so long ago, and how stupid I had been for trying to push it away and hide it.
The times where he questioned my loyalty to him.
The times he wasn't so loyal himself, where I turned a blind eye.
The times he told me that my mother and father, the only family I had, were the enemy.
The times he told me that I shouldn't need anyone else but him in my life. Even though it felt like it made sense, I had still wanted to keep those other treasured people in my life, and he had made me feel guilty for it. I remembered calling my mother in secret, wanting to keep her up to date on my life so she wouldn't worry, but leaving out details as more time went by in the relationship so she wouldn't know that my life was no longer perfect, and rushing so I could get off of the phone before he had a chance to realize I was talking to someone other than him.
Erasing the recent calls from my phone.
Telling everyone not to call me anymore.
Having to deal with his temper when someone forgot.
Falling asleep alone when he decided that he didn't want to go to sleep, but had better things to do. It hurt by then. I had been so used to the way he would wrap his arms around me protectively as we would fall asleep together; our breathing in perfect rhythm, his sweet scent filling my senses.
His defensive lies when I would ask him a question out of innocence. If he hadn't been to sleep the night before, he would insist that he had been right beside me the whole night, and that I was crazy for not noticing.
His constant insistence that I didn't love him anymore, even though he treated me like a Queen.
The day I realized he was right.
The day I realized he was only right about my feelings, and that he treated me more like a possession than a Queen.
All of this and more that lead to my current position. It hurt to think about what might have been, but reminding myself of the bad times, no matter how much I wanted to ignore them, reminded me that I had made the right choice. And yet…
And yet, it didn't seem fair. He had been perfect in every way; or at least, he had once. I wondered what I had done to deserve the changes in him; who I might have offended 'up there'.
Or maybe he hadn't changed. Maybe he had changed when he first met me, but he decided to change back.
Whatever the case, it was all said and done, and I was still unable to stop thinking about it, almost a year later. Almost a year later, his features haunted my dreams, and though I couldn't remember his voice, I knew that, if I ever heard it again, I would recognize it in a heartbeat, and the memories would flood back. No matter where I went now, I would always watch my back, because the feeling lingered over me that, one day, I would turn and he would be there, taunting me and torturing me for making my choice, and for letting him go.
I would not let myself regret my decision, even if he seemed like my perfect match. I would not regret it. Sometimes, your perfect match isn't so perfect, after all.
End
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AN: Well, this is the first anything I've managed to write and finish in a long time. It's been so hard sticking with an idea and making it work all the way to the end! Hopefully, this oneshot worked out decently. Comments and reviews are greatly appreciated, and apologies to anyone who was disappointed with the Bella/Edward outcome. I'm a big fan of BxE, but at the same time, the two characters worked out perfectly for this idea. Hopefully soon I can make something more like the BxE I enjoy reading so much. Until [hopefully] next time! - E