I'm lying here in you're arms.
Every sentence has a double meaning with me. I'm lying to you and with you.
So the great Draco Malfoy's caught in a honey trap by a top secret Auror mission. No one else can catch you – no one else knows how. I feel so awful.
I didn't know it was you. I wouldn't have agreed to do it. They changed my appearance, and that's normal. I have a false identity too. But I am still me and I know, I remember the things you did that no one knows about.
I know that everyone is out to get your father. And they're trying to use you to get to him.
Why am I doing this?
I have too. My duty to the magical world. My duty to have my hair darkened, straightened. My duty to have weight, height and eye modification spells in place. My duty to have all these spells working on me during the day.
Because when I get home I change back. I take them off, and go back to my Muggle partner James.
Again I have to ask myself – what is the point? People will only get hurt.
I thought this would be easy. I thought this would be over by now. But yours is a harder shell to crack than most – and I've never even done one of these before. This is all new ground to me.
There's no books about it, no written instructions. Follow your instincts and lie all the way.
I feel awful. You're half awake now. You know I'm still there and this seems to make you feel so wonderful.
Don't kiss me.
I pull away, and you think it's because I have to go.
"Don't go. Don't leave me Mara. Don't leave me like the other's did." You whisper in my ear. Mara – that's who I am to you.
I can't leave you like the others did. I can't because I need to find out more while you are vulnerable.
"I won't leave you." Famous last words. No I won't leave you, only totally shatter your confidence and destroy your life. Get your father another reason to have you murdered – no nothing serious there.
Nothing bad about that at all.
Why am I even feeling this? You had a death wish for me for nearly all the years you knew me as me. Why does this change?
Oh wait, I forgot. I'm not me. I'm Mara to you.
She may mean something to you Draco, but she is nothing to me. Nothing.
I have a constant battle every day. Which do I believe – my head or my heart? My head tells me to carry on with my job, to overlook the fact I've fallen for you. My heart tells me to ignore my brain and follow what I want. To go to want I want – to achieve what I want.
And all I want is to be with you, and you to be with me. The real me. The me you've known for so many years. The me you've loved, the me you've hated. The me you've worked with, the me you've fighted with.
You've nodded off again. You look so peaceful when you sleep. Like a great weight has gone from your shoulders.
In a strange way you remind me of Harry. Balancing the good of the world on you're shoulders. Trying so hard to please.
I love you. But you can't love me – the real me. So maybe it's better if we stay this way. If I give up my job but stay Mara to you.
Could I do that?
Can I even live this lie anymore?
***
I'm standing here at Kings Cross. The train should be here at any minute.
I couldn't tell you. I couldn't lie to you. So I asked for a new placement and now I'm going to work with Neville. I can be Hermione Granger again.
I hate to leave like this but it's the only way.
Keep me in your thoughts, always and forever.
I love you.
Dear Draco,
I have to leave. I don't want to, but work forces me to move abroad. I can't tell you where I'm afraid. We can't see each other anymore. I hope you understand and you aren't too angry.
I'll always love you.
Mara x
Every sentence has a double meaning with me. I'm lying to you and with you.
So the great Draco Malfoy's caught in a honey trap by a top secret Auror mission. No one else can catch you – no one else knows how. I feel so awful.
I didn't know it was you. I wouldn't have agreed to do it. They changed my appearance, and that's normal. I have a false identity too. But I am still me and I know, I remember the things you did that no one knows about.
I know that everyone is out to get your father. And they're trying to use you to get to him.
Why am I doing this?
I have too. My duty to the magical world. My duty to have my hair darkened, straightened. My duty to have weight, height and eye modification spells in place. My duty to have all these spells working on me during the day.
Because when I get home I change back. I take them off, and go back to my Muggle partner James.
Again I have to ask myself – what is the point? People will only get hurt.
I thought this would be easy. I thought this would be over by now. But yours is a harder shell to crack than most – and I've never even done one of these before. This is all new ground to me.
There's no books about it, no written instructions. Follow your instincts and lie all the way.
I feel awful. You're half awake now. You know I'm still there and this seems to make you feel so wonderful.
Don't kiss me.
I pull away, and you think it's because I have to go.
"Don't go. Don't leave me Mara. Don't leave me like the other's did." You whisper in my ear. Mara – that's who I am to you.
I can't leave you like the others did. I can't because I need to find out more while you are vulnerable.
"I won't leave you." Famous last words. No I won't leave you, only totally shatter your confidence and destroy your life. Get your father another reason to have you murdered – no nothing serious there.
Nothing bad about that at all.
Why am I even feeling this? You had a death wish for me for nearly all the years you knew me as me. Why does this change?
Oh wait, I forgot. I'm not me. I'm Mara to you.
She may mean something to you Draco, but she is nothing to me. Nothing.
I have a constant battle every day. Which do I believe – my head or my heart? My head tells me to carry on with my job, to overlook the fact I've fallen for you. My heart tells me to ignore my brain and follow what I want. To go to want I want – to achieve what I want.
And all I want is to be with you, and you to be with me. The real me. The me you've known for so many years. The me you've loved, the me you've hated. The me you've worked with, the me you've fighted with.
You've nodded off again. You look so peaceful when you sleep. Like a great weight has gone from your shoulders.
In a strange way you remind me of Harry. Balancing the good of the world on you're shoulders. Trying so hard to please.
I love you. But you can't love me – the real me. So maybe it's better if we stay this way. If I give up my job but stay Mara to you.
Could I do that?
Can I even live this lie anymore?
***
I'm standing here at Kings Cross. The train should be here at any minute.
I couldn't tell you. I couldn't lie to you. So I asked for a new placement and now I'm going to work with Neville. I can be Hermione Granger again.
I hate to leave like this but it's the only way.
Keep me in your thoughts, always and forever.
I love you.
Dear Draco,
I have to leave. I don't want to, but work forces me to move abroad. I can't tell you where I'm afraid. We can't see each other anymore. I hope you understand and you aren't too angry.
I'll always love you.
Mara x