So inspiration smacked me in the face at 7:30 AM the other morning and wouldn't let me sleep. Sadly, I couldn't post until today. This is the final result. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Anything recognizable? Not mine.
Jim was bored. Which was odd for him, when he thought about it. Being a damn fine captain of one of the most prestigious ships in the fleet, being a damn fine ladies man, being the co-hero of saving Earth, and being an overall badass left him with very little room for boredom. But there he was, on the bridge, with absolutely nothing to do. The crew had recently come from shore leave, during which time everyone scattered to the winds. Spock stayed at the academy to finish up some projects, Uhura had gone to visit her mother, Chekov and Sulu had absconded to Russia to meet Chekov's family, and Scotty had mumbled about "faindin' the nearest liquor lair".
For his leave, Jim had decided that a little visit home would suffice. So off he went to visit his mom and see what she was up to. While mother and son caught up, Winona Kirk explained that she had just come back from another trip to Africa, and it was there that she met Brent, a doctor working with the Doctors Without Borders program. According to his mother, things between her and Brent were getting Pretty Serious. Kirk cracked a subtle smile. Another sucker caught in his mother's web. Ah well, let his mother enjoy her relationship while it lasted, he figured. Chances are it would end up in another bad breakup or mess divorce.
"So, where's this Brent fella now?" Kirk asked as he propped his feet up on the coffee table. his mother lightly kicked his feet off and took a seat next to him on the couch.
"Well, he and Sam went out to do a bit of hunting. I--we--should expect them around dark." Something flashed behind Winona Kirk's eyes; an emotion Kirk couldn't quite place. He looked away from her, into the kitchen, and in doing so noticed something that didn't quite belong.
"Shit," he muttered as he leapt up from the couch, causing the couch pillows to tumble to the floor.
"What is it?" Ms. Kirk asked from behind him. He went to the table where the book lay. Surely she hadn't, oh, but what if she had? Dammit, he was Captain James T. Kirk. He was an overall badass. Stuff like this shouldn't have been lying around, waiting for prying eyes. He gently picked up the book and read the cover. Yep. It seemed that Mama Kirk had been showing another gentleman caller the Kirk Baby Book--a terrifying collection of embarrassing photos, elementary school memorabilia, and other forms of blackmail.
"Ugh, mom, you didn't."
Kirk's mother gave him an apologetic smile. "Brent was looking through the different photo albums and came across this one. How could I tell him it was off limits? You and Sam were just so..."
He shot her a look. "...cute," she finished.
Kirk gave his mother a pardoning gesture and handed her the book, defeated. The damage had already been done. When this Brent character arrived back and saw Jim, he wouldn't see him as Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the U.S.S. Enterprise. No, he would see little baby Jim Kirk, who had once peed into the neighbor's pool. The photographic evidence existed.
"Jim," came his mother's hopeful voice. "I'd like it if you...looked through these with me." He gave her a horrified glance. "It's not everyday my young, successful son comes home for a visit," she elaborated.
Kirk thought about it for a moment. Ah, what the hell? They were only baby photos and memorabilia, and it was only his mother. If any of this stuff ever found its way back to Starfleet, however, bye-bye BAMF image.
Placing his hands behind his head and surveying the view from his Captain's chair, Jim reflected on the pictures he and his mother had viewed together. Pictures of him and Sam playing with the neighborhood mutt, pictures of Sam sobbing after he'd been drenched by a skunk, pictures of Jim laughing as he unceremoniously dumped tomato paste onto Sam's head. They even found a random picture of Stan with the boys, which Kirk had promptly taken a match to, given his mother's permission.
The book also contained old pieces of the boy's schoolwork, including check pluses on coloring sheets, the cursive alphabet copied perfectly (by Sam, of course), and old love notes written from the boys to various young love interests. In one particular note, Jim had written to a girl named Karen. In his letter he professed to Karen that he really "liked LIKED" her, and that during recess they should hide behind the slide and kiss. He ended the note with the standard "Love, Jimmy", and a PS with one quirky word right beside it: Jaren. It had taken Captain Kirk a minute to figure out what young Jimmy had been trying to say.
"It's your names meshed together," his mother had explained. "Celebrities used to do it all the time. Quite silly, really."
The Captain let out a chuckle. Yes, kids and movie stars alike were juvenile sometimes. But thinking of his silly love note made Jim feel nostalgic inside, and he reveled in the feeling.
"Captain," came a voice from beside him.
"Yeah Spock?" Jim asked, slipping out of his reverie. He took in his officer's standard neutral tone and manner.
"Speed has increased to Warp Four. We should reach Altair Six in 2.5 light days."
"Excellent," Jim replied. Spock turned to leave, but Jim halted him with a light tap on Spock's arm. "Hey Spock."
"Yes Captain?" Spock asked, his tone and posture remaining completely neutral.
Jim let out another laugh. The question was stupid, really, but he wanted to share this nostalgic feeling with someone else, and Spock was the closest one around. "Spock, when you were growing up and...learning the Vulcan way, I guess, did you ever have time for...wooing?"
Up went the eyebrow. "Wooing, Captain?"
"Yeah, you know," Jim replied. "Taking time to have fun with the girls? Any romance?"
Spock took a moment to answer, clearly floored by the pure randomness of the question.
"...Young Vulcans did not have time for such...trivial things. Any free time was meant for study or meditation."
"That's a shame," said Jim. "Some of my best hours in school were spent on the playground, chasing after this girl named Karen."
"Indeed?" Spock had placed his arms behind his back, his face still maintaining its "I'm-not-really-interested-but-I'll-listen-to-my-Captain-ramble-because-he's-my-Captain" expression.
"Yeah," Jim continued. "I would chase her around the swings, but she was so fast I could never catch her. So during class I'd write her these little love notes, trying to convince her that I was the best kisser in the class, and that she should just give in. I'd end every note with 'Love, Jimmy', and then after the PS I'd mesh our names together."
Spock remained in his place. "'Mesh', Captain?"
Jim smiled. "Yep."
Spock's looked slightly quizzical in his features. Slightly. "I do not understand what you mean by this meshing of names. Perhaps an example would help me to better understand."
Jim shifted in his seat. "Okay. Let's say I was to mesh...well, let's say I was to mesh our names. I could take the first part of your name and attach it to my name. So that'd be...Spirk. Or Spork, I guess. Or if we took the beginning of my name and added it to the end of yours..." Jim felt his cheeks flush as he did the mental math.
Spock shifted slightly. "You were saying, Jim?"
Jim blushed a deeper red at the realization that he was no longer 'Captain'. "Well, erm, if you put my name first and your name second you'd get...Kock."
With all the strength he could muster, he turned to his first officer. Spock features still maintained his signature look; his hands behind his back, his face set in its signature emotionless expression. But...what was that? It may have been a trick of the lighting, but as Jim studied Spock's face, he realized that was not the case. It appeared as if the skin beneath Spock's eyes had turned a subtle-but still noticeable-light shade of green.
"...This is considered to be a romantic gesture amongst Earthlings?"
Jim coughed and looked away. "Er, yeah, something like that. It's just something little kids and celebrities do. It's stupid, really." Jim could detect his First Officer's eyes piercing into his skull, but he just couldn't bring himself to look at Spock.
Finally, Spock spoke. "In that case, Captain, thank you for teaching me more about Earth's customs. I believe I can return to my station?"
Jim waved him off. "Yeah, sure, I need to take a break anyway. You take the helm."
"Of course, Captain." Spock's form left Jim's peripheral vision, and he heaved a sigh as he left for the ship's restroom facilities, unaware of his First Officer's lingering gaze. Perhaps the tale of Jaren should've remained in the back of Jim's childhood Closet Of Skeletons.
I went into this with the assumption that Spock had heard of the human slang term for the male genitalia. Would love to know where he heard that. Reviews are like money; they make me richer!