I've known Mark for a long time. We're totally close, best friends, practically brothers. We confided useless shit in each other, understood one another, we never laugh at each other when it's not appropriate.
So then how come I'm finding it so fucking hard not to laugh right now? I'm fighting an epic battle against the desperate urge to burst out laughing at my roommate. Mark's sitting across the room from me right now, slumped onto the couch with his head tilted back. His wide, unblinking eyes, glued to the ceiling. Oh, God, his expression is priceless.
"A lawyer." Mark said hoarsely. "A fucking lawyer!"
I snort, smiling to myself from my perch on the silver table positioned just to the right of where Mark is sitting. Maureen didn't even come to tell him. She called him. Broke up with him over the phone.
He sits up, eyes still huge. "…did you see this coming?"
I snigger again, like a six-year-old on Christmas Eve. This is fucking hilarious.
"Yes."
Mark leans forward, his head in his hands with his elbows resting on his knees.
"Jesus Christ, a fucking lawyer." Mark repeated to himself once more, as though saying it numerous times would force him to believe it. I swear, that's all he's been saying for the past fifteen minutes, 'a lawyer, she dumped me for a fucking lawyer.'
"Yes, Mark, a 'fucking lawyer.' Get over yourself." I sigh, and jump down from the table. I walked over to join Mark on the couch and plopped down right next to him.
"But why a lawyer? Of all people…" Mark continued. I know he's not talking to me anymore, more to himself. But, the opportunity is too good to pass up.
"I don't know, they're supposed to be some pretty uptight chicks." I reply. "Hot in bed."
Mark turns to glare at me.
"At least my girlfriend didn't kill herself." he mumbles.
Ouch. Now I know he's pissed. Never once do we mention April, it's a….touchy subject for me. For him to be using that as an insult….when it doesn't even make sense, I know he's really angry. Maybe I should stop teasing him….ha, yeah. Right.
"Least I didn't turn my girlfriend into a lesbian." I mumbled back, mocking offense. I stick out my bottom lip and pout dramatically at him.
He doesn't even act offended. He actually takes what I just said as a new thing to ponder, to my amusement.
"What did I do?" he asks, his voice still completely hoarse. "Was it the sex?"
HILAROUS. I snort again.
"Well, to tell you the truth Mark, I'd rather fuck an uptight lawyer than you any day."
Mark shoots a glare in my direction again. I smirk back at him.
Yeah, Mark and I are real close. We push each other's buttons a lot, but never go to far.
…well, one of us does….heh…a lawyer. Named Joanne! How totally fucking hysterical.