Authors note: Yes you all probably know all about this and have your own
feeling about Angel leaving for LA. This little story will show the POV of
both the slayer and the Vampire on his leaving to LA. Obviously it won't
be a very long fic but for some reason I was filled with inspiration.
Chap 1
Everything was so dark. So thick with black that it clouded my judgement. I struggled to see past the darkness, as I prayed for something, someone to save me, my life just a fragment of an imagination. I ambled along aimlessly, not seeing from day to day, not telling whether it was day or night. The rats were what I ate. Stinking, dirty, bug ridden rats that scurried about my feet as I sat quiet and still. Even these were a challenge for my soul to take. Even I began to feel a slight sympathy for the rotten buggers.
People walked passed me and took pity. Took pity on what they thought deserved better, what they thought deserved more. They were wrong. I deserved nothing, I still do deserve nothing yet now I have brought my life back and turned it into something new.
New and shiny.
This new and shiny life still seems so dull and grey. The blackness still exists deep down, burning like fire inside, always there, always enticing. And sometimes I do want to look into it and discover its hidden depths. To run free and forget the guilt and pain that I now suffer for, to once again learn to feel.
What would be the point? I'd revert back to the "Good old days" and either end up on the end of a pointy wooden stake or thrown back into reality, thrown back as "Soul Boy", to be doomed to live yet another intolerable existence.
I feel the guilt everyday. It flows through me like blood as I reflect on the things I've done. And what scares me most is what I could do.
Back then I was king.
I took what I wanted, killing what ever stood in my way. Never mind the vampires of today, modern and quick with the kill. Back then it was worse. I'd follow and torment my victim for days, playing on their subconscious, watching as each one fell into despair and fright. Then I'd capture and torture, torture till there was no more screams left. Then I'd end it. Murder, rape, pillaging - I'm wanted for it all.
Yet look at me now. Sat in an armchair, dressed in black, my mind (as always) cast back to those days, allowing the guilt to burn anew upon my skin. So how did I get here? To this dim reality where I no longer hunt?
By one little mistake.
One so small and insignificant it was unbelievable. All I did was eat a gypsy girl, draining her blood out of her body, only leaving the shell.
Unfortunately for me, she was a well know and well-loved little gypsy. Her clan decided my fate and sent me howling into the forest with pain. They placed a soul in my body, allowing guilt back into my life. I tried; I really did, to keep going. My lover Darla was a feisty vamp and was always eager for a good torturing of a victim. I found I could no longer do it and turned to criminals of the world, only feeding on those that deserved to die. She noticed (as women always do) and tried to make me eat a newborn. A new life that had not long been blessed into this world. I fled.
Years past and I was found. I was taken out of my doomed reality and placed in a new one, a better one. And it was all because of her that I now sit, alive, well, and in love.
It was all because of Buffy.
My girl. She'll always be my girl no matter what anybody says to me. Even if she says it to me herself, I will still deem her my girl. I witnessed her first kill as a slayer. She was strong and persistent, a little edgy. There was something about her, so cute and feisty that I couldn't resist watching her.
Day after day I followed and learnt from her, taken in her moves, praying I could step in and help her out someday, wishing and hoping to be close to her.
Then she came to Sunnydale, home of the hellmouth. Here is where I made my presence known; here is where I finally could step in beside her. At first I remained distant, choosing to keep my identity hidden from her.
That was until we shared our first kiss.
I couldn't help myself; I slipped into my game face. With her scream sounding loudly in my ears I ran, leaping out of her widow and out into the night. From then on I thought I'd ruined it, especially when later on, she was tempted to stake me.
But we figured it out. She wouldn't stake me and we would have no relationship at all. None what so ever. Not even a tiny weenie one. So I stood from afar and loved her, not that I fully realised it. It proved harder than I could ever imagine to keep from loving her.
After the events with The Master, or bastard as he better known in my language, things began to look up for me. Everything looked brighter as she entered my life again and we became closer. Soon enough neither of us could deny our feelings
Our relationship continued, despite the factors that spurned us. All I knew was that I loved her too much to care about anything else in the world. I still do, always will.
But all good things come to an end.
On Buffy's seventeenth birthday we slept together, unbeknown to me what the consequences would be. I woke, pain coursed through my body. I dressed quickly and stumbled out into the alleyway, screaming her name as my soul was ripped from my body. The infamous Angelus was back.
And there was nothing I could do about it.
So once again I began to terrorise Sunnydale while starting my plan to take over the world. Buffy struggled through those times, I could sense it deep inside of me, at the time I didn't care - I revelled in it.
I stalked her, watching her fight, sneaking up to her room and drawing her pictures to prove that I could be around when she didn't even realise it. I went after her friends to, especially Giles. It was great fun, torturing the watcher.
He had found out about Acathla and told Buffy she would have to kill me. A fight insured, my bastard childe gave me away, he was never a loyal one. Buffy and I fought long and hard, sword-to-sword, fist-to-fist.
Buffy didn't know at that time that Willow was desperately trying to get my soul back, to turn me back to Angel. I fell down on one knee as Acathla began to open; Buffy went to take her last strike.
But then it happened.
The soul rushed through me; warmth enveloped the inside of my body. I forgot everything that I had done and looked up to see my love, my Buffy. We hugged. A hug so deep and tight, for some reason it felt like the end. How correct was I!
"Close you eyes."
I did as I was told and she kissed me. The tears ran down her face, the salty taste mixed into our kiss. She broke the kiss and as I was about to open my eyes, she buried her sword deep into my chest.
I reached out to her, calling her name, watching as more and more tears continued their journey down her beautiful unblemished skin. But it was no use.
She sent me to hell.
Burning fire, torture, pain - It all echoed within the walls of this dimension where I spent hundreds of years. I lost myself, unable to recollect anything of my past life, where I had no free will of my own.
Then there was a bright light. So bright and dazzling, it felt like it blinded me. It took me from the hell I was living in and sent me back to Sunnydale, alone and feral.
But yet again she brought me back.
You'd think I'd hate her. Despise her for sending me to hell and beyond. For damning me to hundreds of years of torture. But you learn things as you get older. She did what she thought was right at the time. And for that, I owe her forgiveness.
I could no longer live in Sunnydale after everything that had happened between us. I still dream about her now, what our lives could have been like if I hadn't been a vampire, if I was a human. But, like I said before, all good things come to an end. Even I could see that Buffy's heart was breaking every time I saw her, I never could offer her what she truly deserved.
And believe me she deserved everything.
So once the graduation was over, I stepped out into the darkness and smoke, avoided the goodbye, like a coward that I am and looked away from my girl. I went to LA in a hope to forget about her.
Destiny is a funny thing. You think you can escape something that has been part of you for so long, yet you can't. It will always find a way to come back and haunt you.
TBC
*~* Please read and review!! *~*
Chap 1
Everything was so dark. So thick with black that it clouded my judgement. I struggled to see past the darkness, as I prayed for something, someone to save me, my life just a fragment of an imagination. I ambled along aimlessly, not seeing from day to day, not telling whether it was day or night. The rats were what I ate. Stinking, dirty, bug ridden rats that scurried about my feet as I sat quiet and still. Even these were a challenge for my soul to take. Even I began to feel a slight sympathy for the rotten buggers.
People walked passed me and took pity. Took pity on what they thought deserved better, what they thought deserved more. They were wrong. I deserved nothing, I still do deserve nothing yet now I have brought my life back and turned it into something new.
New and shiny.
This new and shiny life still seems so dull and grey. The blackness still exists deep down, burning like fire inside, always there, always enticing. And sometimes I do want to look into it and discover its hidden depths. To run free and forget the guilt and pain that I now suffer for, to once again learn to feel.
What would be the point? I'd revert back to the "Good old days" and either end up on the end of a pointy wooden stake or thrown back into reality, thrown back as "Soul Boy", to be doomed to live yet another intolerable existence.
I feel the guilt everyday. It flows through me like blood as I reflect on the things I've done. And what scares me most is what I could do.
Back then I was king.
I took what I wanted, killing what ever stood in my way. Never mind the vampires of today, modern and quick with the kill. Back then it was worse. I'd follow and torment my victim for days, playing on their subconscious, watching as each one fell into despair and fright. Then I'd capture and torture, torture till there was no more screams left. Then I'd end it. Murder, rape, pillaging - I'm wanted for it all.
Yet look at me now. Sat in an armchair, dressed in black, my mind (as always) cast back to those days, allowing the guilt to burn anew upon my skin. So how did I get here? To this dim reality where I no longer hunt?
By one little mistake.
One so small and insignificant it was unbelievable. All I did was eat a gypsy girl, draining her blood out of her body, only leaving the shell.
Unfortunately for me, she was a well know and well-loved little gypsy. Her clan decided my fate and sent me howling into the forest with pain. They placed a soul in my body, allowing guilt back into my life. I tried; I really did, to keep going. My lover Darla was a feisty vamp and was always eager for a good torturing of a victim. I found I could no longer do it and turned to criminals of the world, only feeding on those that deserved to die. She noticed (as women always do) and tried to make me eat a newborn. A new life that had not long been blessed into this world. I fled.
Years past and I was found. I was taken out of my doomed reality and placed in a new one, a better one. And it was all because of her that I now sit, alive, well, and in love.
It was all because of Buffy.
My girl. She'll always be my girl no matter what anybody says to me. Even if she says it to me herself, I will still deem her my girl. I witnessed her first kill as a slayer. She was strong and persistent, a little edgy. There was something about her, so cute and feisty that I couldn't resist watching her.
Day after day I followed and learnt from her, taken in her moves, praying I could step in and help her out someday, wishing and hoping to be close to her.
Then she came to Sunnydale, home of the hellmouth. Here is where I made my presence known; here is where I finally could step in beside her. At first I remained distant, choosing to keep my identity hidden from her.
That was until we shared our first kiss.
I couldn't help myself; I slipped into my game face. With her scream sounding loudly in my ears I ran, leaping out of her widow and out into the night. From then on I thought I'd ruined it, especially when later on, she was tempted to stake me.
But we figured it out. She wouldn't stake me and we would have no relationship at all. None what so ever. Not even a tiny weenie one. So I stood from afar and loved her, not that I fully realised it. It proved harder than I could ever imagine to keep from loving her.
After the events with The Master, or bastard as he better known in my language, things began to look up for me. Everything looked brighter as she entered my life again and we became closer. Soon enough neither of us could deny our feelings
Our relationship continued, despite the factors that spurned us. All I knew was that I loved her too much to care about anything else in the world. I still do, always will.
But all good things come to an end.
On Buffy's seventeenth birthday we slept together, unbeknown to me what the consequences would be. I woke, pain coursed through my body. I dressed quickly and stumbled out into the alleyway, screaming her name as my soul was ripped from my body. The infamous Angelus was back.
And there was nothing I could do about it.
So once again I began to terrorise Sunnydale while starting my plan to take over the world. Buffy struggled through those times, I could sense it deep inside of me, at the time I didn't care - I revelled in it.
I stalked her, watching her fight, sneaking up to her room and drawing her pictures to prove that I could be around when she didn't even realise it. I went after her friends to, especially Giles. It was great fun, torturing the watcher.
He had found out about Acathla and told Buffy she would have to kill me. A fight insured, my bastard childe gave me away, he was never a loyal one. Buffy and I fought long and hard, sword-to-sword, fist-to-fist.
Buffy didn't know at that time that Willow was desperately trying to get my soul back, to turn me back to Angel. I fell down on one knee as Acathla began to open; Buffy went to take her last strike.
But then it happened.
The soul rushed through me; warmth enveloped the inside of my body. I forgot everything that I had done and looked up to see my love, my Buffy. We hugged. A hug so deep and tight, for some reason it felt like the end. How correct was I!
"Close you eyes."
I did as I was told and she kissed me. The tears ran down her face, the salty taste mixed into our kiss. She broke the kiss and as I was about to open my eyes, she buried her sword deep into my chest.
I reached out to her, calling her name, watching as more and more tears continued their journey down her beautiful unblemished skin. But it was no use.
She sent me to hell.
Burning fire, torture, pain - It all echoed within the walls of this dimension where I spent hundreds of years. I lost myself, unable to recollect anything of my past life, where I had no free will of my own.
Then there was a bright light. So bright and dazzling, it felt like it blinded me. It took me from the hell I was living in and sent me back to Sunnydale, alone and feral.
But yet again she brought me back.
You'd think I'd hate her. Despise her for sending me to hell and beyond. For damning me to hundreds of years of torture. But you learn things as you get older. She did what she thought was right at the time. And for that, I owe her forgiveness.
I could no longer live in Sunnydale after everything that had happened between us. I still dream about her now, what our lives could have been like if I hadn't been a vampire, if I was a human. But, like I said before, all good things come to an end. Even I could see that Buffy's heart was breaking every time I saw her, I never could offer her what she truly deserved.
And believe me she deserved everything.
So once the graduation was over, I stepped out into the darkness and smoke, avoided the goodbye, like a coward that I am and looked away from my girl. I went to LA in a hope to forget about her.
Destiny is a funny thing. You think you can escape something that has been part of you for so long, yet you can't. It will always find a way to come back and haunt you.
TBC
*~* Please read and review!! *~*