Mr. Darcy,
I have the particular pleasure of writing to you to congratulate your recent marriage. Although I imagine it was a joyous occasion, full of dances and decadent dishes, I was quite surprised that a man as great as you, Mr. Darcy, would not invite me to this most important occasion. If Lady Catherine had approved of this wedding there would be no doubt of my attendance. If need be, I would have followed her grace to Pemberly just so that your marriage could have the appropriate associations. As a vicar, I am also entitled to perform marriages. How magnificent it would have been if your own cousin married you two. Lady Catherine would have undoubtedly supported it.
Despite my confusion over my own attendance I am assured that your marriage was of the utmost quality and refinement. Do doubt you spent a small fortune making it the most desirable event of the year, and on top of that, holding it at your own beautiful estate must have stunned so many into a state of beautiful stupor. How I would have loved to behold you're masterful aesthetic eye, equal to that of the finest artists, create a day most amazing to every guest. And how radiant Mrs. Darcy must have looked in that dress. I would have loved to see Lizzy in that dress on my own wedding day, but that opportunity has passed her. Mrs. Collins and I had a splendid marriage; it's a misfortune that Elizabeth chose to miss out on it.
I am also writing to take the credit I deserve for arranging this marriage, for if I had not started the rumor about the two of you getting married it surely would have never crossed your minds in the first place. I always expected you two would be so alike that I couldn't resist pushing you together, and now to know that my efforts have brought about a historic union of man and woman brings me great exuberance. I will wait for your thanks in your next letter, which I hope will be filled with the events of your wedding which I had regretfully missed.
With all your recent festivities I have decided that it would be a miraculous idea to stay at Pemberly with you two to help you get acquainted with each other. I have Lady Catherine's permission so I will come in one week's time. Lady Catherine will also be indulging us in her grace for a time but she insists that she will not stay anywhere other than Rosings. She has been very distraught over the marriage of you two, and she has perfect grounds to be. You have not only connected yourself with the corrupt Mr. Wickham, a family of no stature, and a whole group of fools but you have denied Miss De Bourgh's hand, which Lady Catherine has planned since your birth. Thankfully, her grace has many admirable qualities and if you are gracious enough to her she may be swayed to pardon your grievous mistakes.
It is my greatest hope that you will reclaim the ties you had with her before your marriage. If you do manage so I would have the greatest pleasure of being acquainted with not only Lady Catherine De Bourgh but you also. Having two such connections would make me overwhelmingly joyful, so much so that I may come to split my living arrangements in half between Rosings and Pemberly. But if you would ever like to meet it would be best that you visit Rosing. As beautiful as Pemberly is Lady Catherine's estate is the most beautiful manor of all that I have seen. I could not imagine parting from it for over a month, which is why my stay with you will not last longer than I can keep my desire to see Rosings at bay.
My anticipation of my visit grows everyday. I can only imagine the festivities I missed and can only mention the great opportunity that Elizabeth turned down. Lady Catherine has giving her blessing to me to see you two and I would like to tell her only positive intelligence when I return to Rosings.
'Until then, I am, dear Sir, &c. &c.'