| one last time |
doctor who | doctor/rose | angst | pg | 706 | prompt 'memory lane'
"You've got to promise me Doctor, that'll you'll move on. Find someone else to travel with. Cause maybe I won't always be there, Doctor. Maybe not…not all the time."
The Doctor took a deep breath as he stared at the TARDIS doors, wishing and hoping and even praying that they wouldn't open. Wouldn't open and let him see what he wished and hoped he never had to say goodbye to. Not in his lifetime anyway. He'd made a promise to her once that he'd move on. Only because he knew in his hearts that what she said would never, ever happen. There was no way he'd leave her behind, not ever not anywhere. But he'd promised, just to make her happy. She'd given him a little smile, her eyes looking right through him. Just like Rose. He'd tried to move on, find someone else to travel with. Or in each of the two cases, they'd found him. And they'd been fantastic times and he wouldn't have given them up for the world, not a moment. But each song came to an end, and his song was nearly over. Well, at least through these tired, old eyes. He'd said goodbye to each of his companions, his own way of saying goodbye. Giving himself that distance between him and them had given him some measure of comfort. Because seeing their faces for the last time with these eyes was hard enough. But up close, seeing their shining happy faces looking right at him…no that he couldn't do. Not this time. Besides, the universe was a big enough place to see them again, one day. But this one, last goodbye…this one he had to do up close. He'd tried five times already, but each time he'd lost his nerve. Because he knew that this would be the last goodbye for him. And that was something that he just couldn't bring himself to do, not just yet anyway and not like this, not this way. But it had to be done, and he had to do it before it was too late. He knew that. But try telling his hearts that. The first time had been at a fountain somewhere in London. Rose hadn't met him yet, she was only a few days away from running away quite literally with him, hand in hand. His hand itched as he watched her sit alone on the fountain's edge, looking tired and bored with her life, such as it was. He could feel her warmth pressing against his hand and smiled slightly as he remembered her future and all the times they were yet to have. No, this wasn't the right time. The next time was when Rose was still in High School. She was young, oh so young and alive. Full of plans for her future, plans that were yet to include him. But that wasn't right either. Two more times, two more no's, until he couldn't put it off any longer. He had to say his one, last goodbye. And he knew where… 2005, New Year's Eve. It was snowing, a pure white that directly challenged just how he felt inside. Empty, black and filled with pain at what he was about to do. Say goodbye to his Rose. He hid in the shadows as she came along, smiling and free, ready to face her life ahead of her. Their life. As she walked along the alley, he smiled slightly. If only she had any idea who he was, or rather who he was about to be to her. Mean to her. If only she could look him in the eyes and know who he was, say his name. Only for a moment, that would be enough. But he knew that wasn't possible. His Rose was another dimension away, living what he hoped was a happy and full life. This Rose wasn't his, at least not yet. An eternity passed before she looked at him, smiling brilliantly. And he smiled, she might not know his name yet, but she would. And one day, in her distant future, she'd look back and remember this moment. His last farewell and her first.
"I think you're going to have a really, great year."